You Make Beautiful Things

"Beautiful Things"

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth

Could all that is lost ever be found

Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make me new, You are making me new

You make me new, You are making me new

______________________________________________

He's made me beautiful. Despite my misgivings about my chunky thighs, curly hair, and insecurities, he's made me beautiful. He makes me new. He gives me hope. He refreshes me. He keeps his promises. He is faithful. He is true. He loves us. He forgives. He strengthens. He brings peace. He provides. He loves me. Exactly as I am, exactly as I have been, and exactly as I will be. Forever and ever. God is good. 

Life In Every Word

I had a fantastic week in Vegas. A week that told me that despite things that try to hold me back, that I am amazing. I am valued, I am loved, I have something to contribute, and I am attractive--personality-wise and physically. I feel so energized, and, I feel like I need to do as much as I can to be the best me possible. That means I want to be the best supervisor, friend, and best personal me I can be. I want to have the best options, and I want to have the best relationships. I've been working on honing in on how I can be the best person possible at work and outside of work. I have goals for work, and I'm definitely going to be discussing those with my supervisor. Outside of work, my ultimate goal, is to be healthier.

I want to be a good example to the kids I teach and mentor. We talk about academic excellence, good citizenship, and healthy lifestyles--and I want to be an example in all of those arenas. Healthy lifestyles is one that will benefit me in so many ways. I miss running. I miss that energy I felt. I miss feeling toned. I miss the pride in my body and reaching my goals. I miss it all--and I don't want to miss out on losing weight and being healthy because as I get older, my body is going to be less resilient.

So, starting tomorrow, couchto5k training commences. I will finish by the time I go to Hawaii. I will have completed ALL of the weeks, and done all of the runs I'm supposed to. If I have to redo a week that's fine, as long as I'm running 3 days a week. By this weekend, I'm going to buy groceries, and not eat out so much. I want to strength train 2 days a week as well with my JM video. One day a week, I want to throw in some kind of other exercise--whether it's yoga, another video, biking, ymca playing, etc. I will bring my water bottles into work, and I will get my tracking back in place.

I'm done. So done with being lazy and less that what I know I can be. I'm done being chubby. I'm done with my flabby tummy. I'm done with my sore back. I'm done with steps backwards instead of forwards. I done with the unhealthy eating. I'm done. So. so. so. done. Body, life, I'm taking you back.

I'm Baaaaaack

Ok, so I'm back. With a realization, which is, I can't do this on my own. Last year when I embarked on this journey, it was a mutual journey of faith, trust, and asking God to help me with my weight loss. And looking back, he totally did. I'm not saying that I haven't been as successful this year because I haven't asked for help but, I'm kinda saying that. Because guess what? He's helped me with EVERYTHING that I'm asked him to help me with. He's provided me with EVERYTHING that I've needed. So, I'm back. With a renewed sense of who I am, where my focus is, and knowing that I have someone to back me and help me in every single way (people and faithwise :) )

So I'm starting on Day 11 of the 100 days of weight loss, because, well, it's a good refresher. Today the book talked about eating should be reserved for 2 things: fueling your body, and appreciating flavors. Anything other than that is generally eating your feelings. It talks about choosing the right fuel, and how regular fueling (5-6 times a day) is better for your body. I kinda like to think of it as, well, real fuel. Your car runs so much better, and gets better gas mileage, when you gas it up regularly and don't let it get lower than 1/4 of a tank. Same thing with your body--keeping it hydrated, and sufficiently fueled helps your body go a longer way. One thing that I know I need to work on is finding flavor outside of salt and artificial stuff. I want to learn more about spices and herbs and how to to make things taste amazing.

Ok, I'm off to do Jillian Michaels. I need to get my butt in gear for this 10k!!!

And...Back

Have you missed me? I've been cheating on this blog with another one theabsurdextent but I'm back. I realized that this is where I started with my weight loss journey, and I'm going to continue here. Other general life stuff will be logged on the other one :)

So I'm restarting the 100 Days of Weight Loss book, and I was going to do a strict 100 days of reading and writing. Then I realized, that that's not for me. The whole point of this journey is not adhering to strict rules and deadlines, but finding what works for you, and realizing that there are going to be hiccups--and you just gotta get back on the horse again. I gave myself an end date, but really, there is not end date. The day that I finish the book will be my end date--and I'll celebrate those 100 days that I was (and will continue to be) committed to healthy living.

And of course Day 4 would be talking about boundaries, not diets. The author talks about how we need to look at our journey as a road. "During times when you're strong and focused on your diet, you move the boundaries closer together, making the road narrower. When you take a break from your program or work on maintenance, you widen the boundaries and allow more variety in your plan. But even on a really bad day, you never eliminate the road or get off of it completely." pg 9.  The whole "stick to it or else" plan never really works for me. I need to be nicer to myself and allow myself to have wider boundaries and also to discipline myself with narrower boundaries as well. I think the biggest thing for me to remember is not to let go of boundaries completely. When I say "forget it" it means that I'm offroad, stuck, not moving ahead. And that is not good.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matt 6:33  Very famous verse in the Bible talking about how God will take care of your basic needs if we seek the kingdom. What is the kingdom? The kingdom is all about peace. It's about the end of war, tears, poverty, homelessness, crime. It's about love, and sharing, and forgiveness and reconciliation. It's about those life changing things that really make a difference in people's lives. It's about hope. Instead of worry about what I'm going to wear tomorrow, I should be seeking to bring about the goodness of the kingdom to the people around me. How am I sowing love, forgiveness, and reconciliation into people's lives? Am I trying to put a stop to violence, homelessness, and hunger? Basic questions to ask myself...and to act on.

sleepy day

Today I got up and went to work! Although it wasn't that bad :) I had to take 6 kids to an educational competition, and I got to lead a math tournament. It was really fun, I wasn't stressed at all, and the kiddos had a great time. And, there was a really great showing of kids from other clubs, so that was good.

I came home, and after catching up on the latest new on facebook, I settled back into bed with my book. I read for an hour (or maybe it was 30 minutes) and then fell back asleep. Glorious :) I know, I know, it was a beautiful day, but I felt like I could squander it a little since I'll be experiencing Hawaii in the next couple of days. I woke up, made dinner (pepperoni salad...inventive I know ;) ), and then I had some reflective time. It was really nice, and although I won't go into all of it, let's just say that life changes other than weight are going into effect and I'm pretty ready for those things to happen.

Anyway, I did yoga! Woohoo! That's another day of exercise--12 in a row actually :) I'm pretty proud of that :)  I don't know if or when I'll incorporate rest days in there (I know I want to finish at least 1 month of working out every day), but I know my body will enjoy a rest. I guess once I start running again as exercise that'll trigger the rest days. We will see when I get there. Right now, I focused on the here and now and this goal :)

"Instead of depending on others to help you be successful with your diet, make a commitment that you will protect your program at all costs." 100 days of weight loss

Today the book talked about readying yourself for tempting situations, and appropriate responses to people offering you food. I think a simple "no thanks" is fine, but the author suggested saying "not just yet, I'm going to wait a little while" and then just not eat what they offer. I'm of the mindset that a little bit of a something worthwhile, unique, and delicious is fine. I'm just going to be picky about what I eat. An oreo? no thanks. A homemade oatmeal chocolate cookie? Ok, I'll split one...or even have one of my own. I dunno, it just works for me.

She also talked about knowing when trigger points are for you--mine is the weekend, especially chill, low key weekends. When I have stuff planned, I eat less. When I have a lazy day in front of me, I snack, snack, snack. I've been working on eating only when I'm hungry, and saying no to sweets in general. I find they cause me to want to eat more, so I try to stay away. Usually, popsicles and low fat ice cream sandwiches would disappear in a week. My popsicles have survived 2 weeks and counting :) I'm proud of that. That I've gone from grabbing a popsicle whenever I had the inclination, to asking myself 'do I really need that?" to not even thinking about it half the time. Ah habits. Gotta love em :)

Chapter 6 of Matthew is pretty much about worry about what other people think. Mostly doing things so other people will think you're awesome, example in the Bible are--giving, praying, fasting. Jesus said to do these things not for others to see. Which, for some people negates the whole reason for doing them because what else is there but praise from others and people thinking you're pretty damn holy and cool? Believe me I've been there. He basically says if you do it for others and their praise, you get your rewards right then. But if you do it because it's just right to do, and don't make a show of it, you will get much more in the way of rewards from God. Which, of course rewards aren't the point but there ya go.

And in the end there's that section on worrying about food, water, clothing, shelter, and how we should worry about those either. Because guess what? God provides. He always has and always will. Me planning and working and being smart about finances? That's fine. Me being wrapped up in money an obsessing about the future and spending every minute consumed with what's going to happen next...a little much. His suggestion? Focus on him. Seek him. Forgive, love, give, pray. And everything else that you need, that we needlessly worry about, will be given and provided. God is faithful, and good, and just. :)

even when I don't feel like it

Today, oh today, was a "I don't want to workout" kind of day. I was sore from yoga, my body felt tired, and I just wanted to sleep a little more, cruise around sparkpeople a little bit more, anything except exercise. But I have to remember what it means to be committed...and what it means is that I stay on track even when I don't feel like it. I'm proud of myself and I'm tired :)

"Like it or not, to lose weight, you have to follow some type of system. Your plan can be quite rigid and meticulous, or as simple as deciding you'll eat less and increase your level of exercise. Instead of getting stuck on the word 'diet,' learn to think of it was setting 'boundaries' for your eating plan." 100 Days of Weight Loss, Linda Spangle

I love this idea. I wish I could copy this whole chapter, because she uses an example of roads/paths to think of our boundaries. You have a road, and when your at your best, the road is narrower, but when you are maintaining or taking a break, your road widens a little bit. However, you NEVER get rid of the road. The boundaries just adjust according to where you are. That way, you're never off or on, you're always on that road, on that weight loss journey.

The book says to define narrow road plans and wider road plans for my weight loss:
Narrow: exercise every day, track my food 5 days a week, 100 oz of water, cook all meals at home,
Wider: exercise 5 days a week, track my food 3-5 days a week, 80 oz of water, eat out only 2 days a week

I think the hardest part for me in my journey is the exercise, then the tracking food. There are so many times I don't want to get up and do anything, especially when I exercised the night before. I guess I should mention I do JM 30DS in the mornings, and BLWLY in the evenings (the whole thing), so that's only 1.5 hours of exercise, but back to back exercise can be a little daunting sometimes :) Also, I have a hard time just cooking for myself. I think for me it's just STARTING something that's hard. Once I'm doing it I'm fine, but getting myself to get started in the process is where I struggle...in pretty much anything. Hmm...interesting thought. Anyway, I need to get off this thing and get ready for work!

Sidenote: I think it's interesting that we tend to forget that Jesus attracted the out of luck, outcasts, dirty, unpopular, sick, weary, voiceless people to him. When I see some Christians out there protesting this or that, or spewing anger or hatred about so and so, etc., I always wonder "when was the last time you helped someone who couldn't give you anything back?' "when was the last time you actually helped ANYBODY instead of holding signs?" "When did you help an jobless person on the job hunt, or provide a hungry person with a meal?" We spend so much of our time ANGRY and protesting about so many things when the whole idea of the good news is that there is love, and with that love comes healing, wholeness, and unity.

There are many Christians and other faiths out there doing so many good things, but it makes me just...bitter...to think of those loud outspoken people who seem to get the most attention when it comes to fait

more progress

Yesterday I had sugar. gasp! It was poker night, and I usually bring candy. Now, I'm the girl who likes to bring stuff to share. I will bring candy, cookies, a veggie platter...anything that people like...because I like sharing. And probably because I'm a people pleaser :) I ate a little more than half a pack of hichews, and pretty much a whole roll of lifesavers. And, I still have a pack of sour rips in my purse that is going to some lucky child today. I've found that one thing I can't do is get small packs of easily eaten stuff--like lifesavers. In my nervousness of playing poker, I ate those things right up. And, I have to find stuff that everyone likes so I don't eat too much--which was the plan, but hardly anybody ate any candy except a few people so I was left with already opened leftovers. Anyway, I like having candy during poker games--I just need to learn to moderate it more. Although I didn't get over my calories so that was good :)

Wow, that was a nice long ramble. Speaking of poker and gambling...I didn't win. Boo! I've won at least third place this entire year, but with ten people playing last night (and a new woman whose strategy I don't know yet), I ended up in 5th place. Sigh. However, I bought a scratch ticket for $2 (my friend Jen and I do them for fun and have a limit of $10/month), and I won $25! Which was very exciting. What was also exciting was hopping on the scale, and seeing it move down...at least 1 lb so far this week. I don't wanna count my chickens before they hatch, but I like seeing that kind of progress and I'm committed to seeing this through...even in Hawaii. I told my mum NO FAST FOOD, and since they're trying to eat healthy, I'm going to take a few recipes that I've learned over there (kale chips BOMB.COM!), and teach them how to make them.

I feel so...happy these days. I keep forgetting that when I'm focused on a goal and achieving things, I feel so much more fulfilled than when I'm being complacent. I have pleasant dreams, I can work better, and I just have a feeling when I get home that is actually...joyous...buoyant...happy. I'm happy with myself and who I'm becoming...what I've become in this last year. 24 was so freaking fantastic, and I'm even more excited for 25. Life gets better every year--and I'm doing it my way :)

Today the book talked about sticking with your plan even if you don't feel like it. It's like taking care of a pet. You don't necessarily FEEL like taking your dog out at 5am in the morning to go to the bathroom, but you do it because it's important. We should treat our weight loss journey the same way. Even if I don't FEEL like exercising, blogging, drinking my water, etc...I do it because it's important. I feel like working out and eating healthy today...it's just one of those days :), but it's important to remember this on days when I'm not so motivated.