even when I don't feel like it

Today, oh today, was a "I don't want to workout" kind of day. I was sore from yoga, my body felt tired, and I just wanted to sleep a little more, cruise around sparkpeople a little bit more, anything except exercise. But I have to remember what it means to be committed...and what it means is that I stay on track even when I don't feel like it. I'm proud of myself and I'm tired :)

"Like it or not, to lose weight, you have to follow some type of system. Your plan can be quite rigid and meticulous, or as simple as deciding you'll eat less and increase your level of exercise. Instead of getting stuck on the word 'diet,' learn to think of it was setting 'boundaries' for your eating plan." 100 Days of Weight Loss, Linda Spangle

I love this idea. I wish I could copy this whole chapter, because she uses an example of roads/paths to think of our boundaries. You have a road, and when your at your best, the road is narrower, but when you are maintaining or taking a break, your road widens a little bit. However, you NEVER get rid of the road. The boundaries just adjust according to where you are. That way, you're never off or on, you're always on that road, on that weight loss journey.

The book says to define narrow road plans and wider road plans for my weight loss:
Narrow: exercise every day, track my food 5 days a week, 100 oz of water, cook all meals at home,
Wider: exercise 5 days a week, track my food 3-5 days a week, 80 oz of water, eat out only 2 days a week

I think the hardest part for me in my journey is the exercise, then the tracking food. There are so many times I don't want to get up and do anything, especially when I exercised the night before. I guess I should mention I do JM 30DS in the mornings, and BLWLY in the evenings (the whole thing), so that's only 1.5 hours of exercise, but back to back exercise can be a little daunting sometimes :) Also, I have a hard time just cooking for myself. I think for me it's just STARTING something that's hard. Once I'm doing it I'm fine, but getting myself to get started in the process is where I struggle...in pretty much anything. Hmm...interesting thought. Anyway, I need to get off this thing and get ready for work!

Sidenote: I think it's interesting that we tend to forget that Jesus attracted the out of luck, outcasts, dirty, unpopular, sick, weary, voiceless people to him. When I see some Christians out there protesting this or that, or spewing anger or hatred about so and so, etc., I always wonder "when was the last time you helped someone who couldn't give you anything back?' "when was the last time you actually helped ANYBODY instead of holding signs?" "When did you help an jobless person on the job hunt, or provide a hungry person with a meal?" We spend so much of our time ANGRY and protesting about so many things when the whole idea of the good news is that there is love, and with that love comes healing, wholeness, and unity.

There are many Christians and other faiths out there doing so many good things, but it makes me just...bitter...to think of those loud outspoken people who seem to get the most attention when it comes to fait

more progress

Yesterday I had sugar. gasp! It was poker night, and I usually bring candy. Now, I'm the girl who likes to bring stuff to share. I will bring candy, cookies, a veggie platter...anything that people like...because I like sharing. And probably because I'm a people pleaser :) I ate a little more than half a pack of hichews, and pretty much a whole roll of lifesavers. And, I still have a pack of sour rips in my purse that is going to some lucky child today. I've found that one thing I can't do is get small packs of easily eaten stuff--like lifesavers. In my nervousness of playing poker, I ate those things right up. And, I have to find stuff that everyone likes so I don't eat too much--which was the plan, but hardly anybody ate any candy except a few people so I was left with already opened leftovers. Anyway, I like having candy during poker games--I just need to learn to moderate it more. Although I didn't get over my calories so that was good :)

Wow, that was a nice long ramble. Speaking of poker and gambling...I didn't win. Boo! I've won at least third place this entire year, but with ten people playing last night (and a new woman whose strategy I don't know yet), I ended up in 5th place. Sigh. However, I bought a scratch ticket for $2 (my friend Jen and I do them for fun and have a limit of $10/month), and I won $25! Which was very exciting. What was also exciting was hopping on the scale, and seeing it move down...at least 1 lb so far this week. I don't wanna count my chickens before they hatch, but I like seeing that kind of progress and I'm committed to seeing this through...even in Hawaii. I told my mum NO FAST FOOD, and since they're trying to eat healthy, I'm going to take a few recipes that I've learned over there (kale chips BOMB.COM!), and teach them how to make them.

I feel so...happy these days. I keep forgetting that when I'm focused on a goal and achieving things, I feel so much more fulfilled than when I'm being complacent. I have pleasant dreams, I can work better, and I just have a feeling when I get home that is actually...joyous...buoyant...happy. I'm happy with myself and who I'm becoming...what I've become in this last year. 24 was so freaking fantastic, and I'm even more excited for 25. Life gets better every year--and I'm doing it my way :)

Today the book talked about sticking with your plan even if you don't feel like it. It's like taking care of a pet. You don't necessarily FEEL like taking your dog out at 5am in the morning to go to the bathroom, but you do it because it's important. We should treat our weight loss journey the same way. Even if I don't FEEL like exercising, blogging, drinking my water, etc...I do it because it's important. I feel like working out and eating healthy today...it's just one of those days :), but it's important to remember this on days when I'm not so motivated.

feeling strong

There's something about making positive choices in one's life that makes them feel strong. At least, it makes me feel strong.  I think that I've mentioned this before, but I'm a total grazer. I'll see a snack, and I'll have one, then I'll walk past it another time and have another...and then I'll have a little of the snack the kiddos are eating, and then...As you can see the calories mount up pretty quickly when you're working that way.

Yesterday, there were some thin mint girl scout cookies sitting in the office, and on any other day, I would have grabbed one. The funny thing, is that I don't even like thin mints that much...my girl scout cookie of choice is a samoa :) But since it was THERE just waiting to be eaten, I would have grabbed it. Yesterday, no sir. In fact every time I passed that little green box, I felt light, free, as if nothing could get to me.

I did pretty well on resisting the sugar yesterday. I had one homemade cookie a kid made, and that's it. When I came home I resisted having a popsicle or ice cream sandwich, and I made kale chips, collard greens, and pulled bbq chicken. Which, all THREE were delicious...especially the collards. Good god I made some fantastic collards. Thank god the pot was only 200 calories cause I ended up eating the whole thing. Although the sodium content was not so awesome :)

I ate well, exercised in the morning and did my yoga in the evening, made delicious food, slept soundly and for at least 7 hours, and guess what? I feel good. This is what healthy feels like. Ah, I'm so excited for the rest of the year :)

Today the book talked about being interested vs. committed.  Here are some differences between the two--

interested--
stay until something better comes along (donuts?)
depend on results to keep you going, when you plateau, it goes out the window
when you struggle, you blame others (they gave me chips!), or you make excuses (if only I had this...)

committed--
you stay on track...even when your favorite donuts are in the room
even when you plateau, you push through knowing that results will eventually come
others are not to blame for our struggles. you continue despite not having resources, supportive friends, or family.

There's a definite difference. I've seen it in the spark people I see on this website. I've seen it in myself at times. I'm committed to myself.  I'm committed to eating healthy, exercising regularly, giving my body adequate rest, and keeping my body hydrated. Today, to show I'm committed, I'm going to drink at least 80 oz of water. That by far is one of the hardest things for me to do. So I'm going to commit myself that that today.

Matt 2. It's interesting to read about how far some people will go to ensure they are "top dog." Herod killing all the baby boys back in the day? Not cool. It's important for me to remember that I'm not always going to be top dog, and that I need to be open to new leadership, new ideas, and new people. I can't be so caught up in my position and power that I'm willing to make unnecessary sacrifices. Power in the wrong hands can be oh, so terrible...and it just goes to show that it not only applies to today, but hundreds and thousands of years back.

back on track

I really want to lose the rest of my weight. I can't say for sure what my goal weight is, I thought 150, but I can't even remember the last time I was this size let alone respectably under 200. So I don't know what I'm going to look like as the weight drops off and I become thinner, leaner, and healthier. I do know that I want to be strong--which means building muscle (lean muscle that is), so if my weight is a little higher than I thought it would be, but I look good and am strong, that's fine with me.

I'm determined to finish what I started. And not only finish, but to maintain and continue the healthy lifestyle. There's a definite finish line (my goal weight), but it doesn't mean my life stops there. I kicked butt this week and exercised EVERY DAY since Tuesday. That's right. Every day. I knew I had it in me, and this week has proven that my will is still there. I'm still willful, and I'm still stronger than my impulses. And that makes me feel strong. It makes me feel powerful. It motivates me.

So I changed my weight tracker to reflect my weight--207.4. Ah, I've seen that number so many times it makes me mad. I want to lose at least 5lbs in March. It can and will be done. I have this little hope in the back of my mind that maybe even I can get under 200. The only way though is to be consistent, and to make wise choices.

So here I am, with 7.5 hours of sleep (and having woken up naturally), ready to kick start my day with my daily motivator, a glass of water, and a spiritual pick me up. Then, I'm going to get my cardio on ;)

Day one of my daily motivator talks about how we let our past failures ruin our current attempts. We get motivated, stay on track, then slip up, and get frustrated and discouraged and then feel like quitting. "Rather than being fearful that you'll repeat the past, build a new way of thinking." It tells you to list out things you used to do, and replace them with new habits.

I used to eat candy and processed sugar every day, but now I eat sweet treats in moderation.

I used to make excuses for why I couldn't exercise, but now I give myself reasons to exercise.

I used to eat out of boredom, but now I make a conscious decision to eat when I'm really hungry.

I used to "track my calories" in my head, but now I keep myself accountable by tracking them online.

I used to quit when things got hard, but now I persevere to the end, and WILL reach my goals.

What are things you used to do that you've replaced with better habits?

Along with my daily motivator, I've decided to read a little bit of the Bible every day. My faith is important to me, but I seem to be focusing on the social justice aspect of it rather than my personal growth. So I'm going to read a chapter (ish) a day and just comment on what grabs my interest. I'm starting in Matthew :)

"'The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel'--which means, 'God with us.'" Matt 1:23

I went to school to learn about this stuff, and I've been over many profound things--I've studied the Hebrew, exegeted scripture, and really dug in so that the Bible is very familiar to me. So it's funny when a simple verse like this sticks out and reminds me that the basis of my faith, the reason that I stay, is because God is with us. God is with me, along side of me, loving me, cheering me on, picking me up, comforting me, leading me, etc. He is WITH me...not just observing from the magical clouds in the sky, he is with me. He doesn't leave me alone to figure it all out, and he cares about the things I care about. Including being healthy. What a concept to be reminded of as I reembark on this weight loss/healthy lifestyle journey--God is with me. God is good :)