Goals

I was reading another person's blog on weight loss, and it got me thinking about...well this blog. A blog dedicated to making goals, being successful (despite failure), and sticking to them. I have learned that it's hard for me to stick to things like this. When I have one setback, I kinda give up. This applies to things like--weight, keeping my apartment clean, keeping THE apartments clean. And I just realized that the common denominator between goals that I stick to and goals that I let go to the wayside is my perception of importance. If the goal is important to my career, life...I dunno things I deem as important--I stick to them.

When will I be important to myself? When will my health be important to me? I think to myself "I can get men looking like this" "I still can look pretty at this weight" etc. when the real issue is...why don't I care about myself? Why don't I care about my health? Why am I being lazy about this? Am I afraid that if I become thin I still won't measure up? Am I afraid that I'll fail? What is it? And how can I be better? How can I love myself more...how can I love myself enough to lose this weight?

I'm not sure what my problem is. I'm not emotional about it...I'm just kind of disturbed that this would not be important to me. On one hand I'm happy that I'm happy/not extremely disturbed by my weight, (self esteem yay?) but on the other hand, I want to care about my health. I want to care about the food I put in my body and that it's healthy and strong. I want to care more about the fact that I could get diabetes than if I fit into the same size I've been fitting into for the past 5 years.

Come on, Tiffany. Muster up some kind of fight.