Goals, goals, goals

So far this week, I've made chicken tortilla soup, a dairy free smoothie, resisted snacking at the Club, worked out for 30 minutes, and went to bed at 9:00. I'm really glad that I didn't let my rough start yesterday deter me from getting a better start today.

I've realized that if I'm going to start this journey, and stay on it in a meaningful way, that I need to set goals. And I need to be realistic about my goals and what I can do...as well as be willing to push myself.

So, here are my goals: lose weight, eat better, catch up on late bills, and then consistently pay bills on time, save money, pay off my credit cards, volunteer, cook meals, be apart of a meaningful small group (ie do my best to be vulnerable, to make relationships, etc.), take a class, continue game nights, and sleep better.

Overall, I think I want to start caring about myself and my life more. I've decided not to sleep with M. again. There have been many factors preventing me from doing so--mainly my period and time--but I also used my parents and how much they care for me as a deterrent as well. And as I was working out, I thought about moments that I had with Miles that I can't take back. And I realized that I do regret times and moments that I had given him. And I realized that I care enough about myself to not create any more of those moments. To not give myself and more reason to have regrets. And that felt good. It feels good.

As I'm writing this I realize that other than small group, there aren't a bunch of goals that include...discipline as far as my faith. I don't think those are "unspoken" things. In fact, I know that they are things that are most important to my spiritual well being. I know this in my head, but I'm not making it important in my life...and that's something that I want to do. So, I want to restart with my tithing. I want to support Bethany and their amazing work. I also want to read my Bible more consistently. I want to engage with the Word instead of just working off what I've already learned. I want to read books that have to do with my faith as well.

There are things that I want in life. I want a husband, kids, and a home to love them in. I want to be able to climb a mountain one day. I want to be able to run a mile. In fact, I want to be able to run five miles. I want a healthier, thinner body. I want to be able to wear short sleeves and shorts without feeling super self conscious. I want to be free from debt. I want, I want, I want. I need Jesus. I need your help. I need your guidance. I need your wisdom. I need your love. I need your compassion. I need your patience. I need your kindness. I need your forgiveness. I need...you. More than anything, I need you. And I ask for your help in this new journey that I'm going to start. I can't do it without you. You have made me into the person I am, so I pray that you will help me use those qualities to achieve the goals I've set before myself. And I pray that your will be done.