The book talked about the phrase "I have to..." We say we have to go to work, we have to clean the house, etc., and that that phrase can stir up a rebellious, "you can't tell me what to do" nature. We don't like being told what to do, so when we say "I have to" it evokes those feelings. It says that in reality we do those things, we choose to do them "because you don't like what might happen if you don't do them."
"Saying 'I choose to' puts you in charge and affirms that you want to see results."
I think she makes a very good point here. All week I've been saying "I HAVE to pick up my clothes and go through them to know what still fits. Then I HAVE to hang them up." The result? My clothes are still in a pile sitting on the floor. The only reason my kitchen and living room got cleaned earlier is because I couldn't close the door to those rooms...people had to see them and I care if people think I'm a slob :)
Ever since I got sick, I've kinda let the whole weight loss thing slide. I didn't want to focus on it because it depressed me that I had gotten so far, and that being sick could derail me. Which, is totally not my fault, but I still got kinda down. I've been enjoying the ability to eat anything I want and being normal this week, but starting next week, I'm getting back on board.
I choose to continue this journey. I've lost 30 lbs. I can't even believe it. It's been an amazing time and I've felt SO good, SO inspired, and SO proud. I choose to get up and work out. I choose to start making my food again. (I just threw out a whole grocery back of fruits, veggies, and other things. I am so mad at myself, but I choose not to do waste like that again.) I choose to start pursuing the things that I want. I was talking to a coworker the other day about wanting to take some dance classes and she was like "I've ALWAYS wanted to do that." So hopefully we can do that together. If not, I'd still like to do it.
I don't know, I'm feeling very empowered and in charge of my life. I'm realizing the gravity of my decisions and the choices that I make and I'm realizing what I really want and what I like. I'll have to blog on those thoughts at another time, but suffice it to say that my eyes are being opened to alot of things and I'm really, really thankful for my life and I choose to live it to the fullest.
"For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith....Therefore since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:2,14-16
This chapter talks about Sabbath-Rest for God's people. It talks about how God rested from his work, and that we can enter into that rest. In the beginning of the chapter it says that some people did not enter that rest. Why? Because they didn't believe. They heard what God said, but they didn't have faith--they didn't believe that he could do the things he said he could. Which, I have to admit in my own humanness, that to believe the words of an invisible being, is sometimes hard. It's oftentimes hard. But just like those people who were unable to enter the rest, I've seen SO MANY ways in which God has worked and come through for me. I've seen him do amazing things in my life and bring me through some of the most troubling times. And at the time I had no idea it was him, but as hindsight is 20/20.
If I have experienced all of these things that show me that God is real, how can I continue to not believe? There comes a point and time where I just have to choose to trust him in the new situations that come up and that seem uncertain to me. I feel like God has "rest" for us here on earth. That he asks us to trust him and have faith so that we can live in a world relatively free of anxiety and uncertainty. As a person with anxiety, I know that living with it constantly and letting it affect me is the exact opposite of rest. He isn't asking us to believe because he wants to harm or control us, he's asking us to believe so we can live a full life, one of peace, joy, love, rest.
I love the last part of this chapter that says we have a God who has experienced exactly the things the we have gone through, that he sympathizes with our weaknesses and struggles. I love that it emphasizes that we can approach him with confidence. And that the throne we approach is not one of judgement or condemnation, but one of grace. He freely wants to give us grace and mercy so that can have "help in our time of need." What an awesome thought. That when we are in need, when we need him most--in our darkest and most sinful times--that we can approach a throne of grace and receive mercy.
This, is why I follow Christ. The people who scream about God's wrath and judgment and persecute others have no idea what this faith is truly about. It saddens me to know that many people will only know a negative, false version of Christianity instead of one that is full of love, compassion, grace, forgiveness, and new life. It angers me when I hear people doing horrendous things in the name of God and Christ. But this, reading this, being reminded of what it's all about, brings me such confidence and joy in what I've learned and experienced, and it makes me so thankful that I have this faith, this relationship, this...goodness. God is good :)
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