Ok, I just gotta be honest and say I'm having a hard time getting motivated to make my own dinners thus eat healthy. I'm not eating super craptastically, but I'm eating crappy enough that I feel bad about it. Monday I ate out, yesterday, I ate most of the leftovers from Monday, had 2 scoops of gelato, AND ate a big ol' bowl of honeycomb rather compulsively after dinner last night. The interesting thing is is that I thought quickly about those things before I did them, but in all of the circumstances, I really really wanted to do it and no thinking on my part would have convinced me. It's funny how the brain works. Or at least mine.
Anyway, I'm still working out everyday (yes), but I do want to get the eating thing back under...reasonable control. And yes, I'm not eating awfully, but I just want to eat better. For my sanity. To know that I'm doing my part in this whole thing. I don't want to gain all the weight back, and I don't just wanna stay at this size. I wanna keep going. I was telling Abbi last night that it's really hard for me to think of what I'll be like...thinner. Because I've never been thin. Ever. I always felt chunky as a child (although I wasn't), and when I went through puberty I just got bigger and bigger. So, I've never had a "thin" moment. I guess it's really hard for me to work towards something when I don't know what the ultimate outcome will be. Sigh. I need to keep going. I will keep going. One day at a time :)
Today the book talked about what to replace food with as important. It said to make a list of 10 things that are important to me, and put food on the top, then move it to the bottom and replace it with something else. I'm just gonna start fresh.
1. My family (Loving them and SHOWING my love and appreciation for them. Seeing them more often)
2. My friends (Investing time and energy into them...being more proactive. Making new friends)
3. My job (Getting back on the horse. Finding passion and purpose...)
4. My faith (Living true to it and growing daily in it)
5. My physical image (Shopping, clothes fitting right on me, having a soft but fit body)
6. Athleticism (Trying more sports/physical activities...tapdancing?)
7. Education (What to do next...ah!)
8. Learning new hobby (Currently cardmaking/scrapbooking)
9. Cooking (Learning and trying new recipes. Expanding my horizons or at least trying new things that fit into what I like now.)
10. Getting out of debt/saving money (Pretty self explanatory. Being a financially stable person)
So those are the things that are currently important to me. They're not really in any order. I think yesterday something clicked for me at work. I don't know I've been walking around in this hazy cloud of doubt and newness and...I don't even know how to describe it...maybe the fact that I had all these dreams and desires and then the disillusionment of seeing how I couldn't accomplish everything at once kinda got me down. Then being sick...I don't know. But yesterday, something just clicked and I got excited again. I realized that this is what I want and it's going to be a day at a time but I'm going to fucking tackle it and when I'm through, it's going to be great. But it's going to...take time. A lot of time. And time is what I have. And I'm going to use it effectively. And I'm not gonna sweat the small stuff. And I'm going to do all I can to make sure the kids feel loved and appreciated.
Anyway. I was thinking this exercise was kinda lame but maybe it was just what I needed :)
"Because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them" Heb. 7:24-25
I love that line, "because he always lives to intercede for them." He lives to save us to to plea on our behalf. He died and lived so that we could have a better life, and a better chance. Good stuff.
Alright. I'm going to let Jillian kick my butt once again. Sigh.
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