Where I am vs. where I was

I've been feeling very introspective lately, and when I say lately I mean this weekend, and when I say this weekend I mean pretty much today. It's been interesting helping my parents pack up and move, and when I say interesting, I mean exhausting, hilarious, fun, and bittersweet. I can't believe they're leaving me for the beautiful beaches of Hawaii, but I'm also excited to be joining them every so often there as well.

When I look at my mindset, and where I was last year vs. this year, I'm amazed.  I'm amazed at the growth, the determination, the attitude change, the new healthy lifestyle...I'm amazed at all of it. Literally a year ago I was writing about what I wanted for my job at the club and how I wanted to change lives and how I was excited about where this year was going to take me (after thinking that maybe I was going to pick up and move), and here I am with a new job, in a better position to impact and love and change lives. God is so good.

I'm amazed at not only what I've learned, but also how I've taken what I've learned and DONE something with it. I've learned that I'm stronger that I thought I was. I've learned that I'm not a quitter. I've learned that fear is not something that has to live in me, and in fact that I hold it's eviction notice in my hand . I've learned that I'm a runner. I've learned that I have more support than I ever could have imagined. I've learned that I love my family more than words can say and that I have, quite possibly, the best family in the world. No joke. I've relearned my love of reading. I've learned that I'm a pretty damn good poker player. I've learned that I like to take risks. I've learned that my primary love language is TIME and that spending time with the people I love is more important to me than hugs, kind words, cleaning my dishes, or gifts. Oh man I've learned so much--I could fill a page...but the most important things I've learned, are that I love myself, I love the life I have been given, and I want to LIVE my life in the way it was meant to be lived.

So far, this "year of me" has taught me how I've undervalued, and underestimated myself, and I will never do that again. I will never fail to try because I think I can't do it ever again. I will never let other people make decisions about who I should be or what I want. Eesh I'm so proud and at peace but I'm also nervous and anticipatory. I have accomplished so much, and I KNOW I can do more. I can't stop now, and I will "have life in every word to the extent that it's absurd."

So here's to life, and where it takes us. I wrote this almost a year ago, and I think it's appropriate to quote now:

Life as of now is never how (I) would have expected it. But it's good, and it's exceeded my expectations in so many ways. Thank you Jesus, for all that you've done.