I've never been one of those people who has made new years resolutions. I'm the kind of person who makes resolutions all year...and then I come to a point when I say "this, is what I'm going to do." And then I do it. Most of the time. There are some uncertainties like job changes, masters degrees, and moving to other states that take a few more back and forths before I settle on something. Anyway, if you've read this blog for any amount of time you know I like setting goals, and then re-evaluating them and then yea. So you know the process.
Last year, I resolved to make this "The Year of Me" and I put myself and what I wanted first. It's been a fantastic year. I've lost over 40 lbs, run in four 5k events, got involved in activities that interested me, received a promotion, found out I was allergic to sulfa drugs and resolved NEVER to go on prednisone if I can help it, read more books and cancelled my cable, realized I loved 2 hour massages, went to D.C. and Hawaii, and the list goes on and on. It has been fantastic, eye opening, and altogether fun.
This year is "The Year of Stepping Up and Stepping Out" as I've mentioquotes that ned in a previous post. I'm going to list my goals, my dreams, my resolutions, and I hope and pray that at this time next year, I'll have achieved them. There are three quotes that I am going to start this list off with, because I love them and think they apply to this new year.
"The aim of life is to live and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware." Henry Miller
"Whatever it is, if I stay with my flocks of familiarity, the word will become stored away in my head, maybe even deceive me into thinking I’m better for having heard. But I’m never better for having heard… I’m better for having responded."
Richard Dahlstrom
"It's our choices, Harry, that show us what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
Albus Dumbledore
Money
Re-evaluate my budget
STAY with my budget
Save at least 3% every month (on top of the 4% I'm putting aside in my 401K)
Tithe 10%. Regularly.
Continue to pay off credit cards, and pay what I've BUDGETED
Be realistic and flexible, but remember my goals :)
Job/s
Prioritize and manage my time better
Network.
Step up my planning.
Put more effort into my programs.
Implement a healthy lifestyles program for girls and boys.
Be positive and focus on what I can do to improve...not drama and negativity.
Turn my restlessness into productivity...not laziness.
Keep apartments clean and up to standard.
Turn stuff in on time :)
Faith
Go to church 3/4 Sundays a month.
Become involved in another community group.
Cultivate and continue new relationships.
Read scripture daily.
Tithe :)
Start volunteering again. Start with Tabitha...again.
Personal
Hike up a mountain
Camp at least 4 times this year...NOT including with kiddos from the Club
Spontaneous trip with the BFF
A fantastic, relaxing trip ALONE
Passport.
Canada!
cooking classes
Yoga
Buy a bike
Run one 5k per month until Sept
Start training for 10ks in Sept (maybe earlier?)
Join a gym? or maybe a fitness group..
read at least 1 new book a month
In this year of stepping up and stepping out, the biggest thing I want to do is challenge myself. I don't want to be mediocre, and I don't want just an average life--a life that is less than what I can have--I want life to the fullest! I want to continue with the amazing changes that I've brought to my life this year. And a big part of that is realizing that it's in my hands. Of course God is there guiding me and leading me to opportunities, but I have to start taking hold of things as well as appreciating what I have and working with those things. I want to love myself, deepen my relationship with God, and give to others what I have freely received. God is good.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Stepping Up and Stepping Out
I'm having "one of those nights." You know what I mean...those nights when all you've done is lay around, watching mindless shows (ok, I watched Mad Men with the ever hot Don Draper), cruising around online, wondering "what the heck am I doing with my life?!?" I've done what I typically done on these nights...I've eaten...a lot...and I've searched and researched degrees and classes, and I've looked for jobs...all around the U.S. And I've been wondering what else is out there. What do I want for my life. How do I feel happier, fulfilled...how do I get more?
And usually on these nights, I go to bed, unfulfilled, wanting more. Usually the night turns into at least a week-long funk (sometimes longer) in which I contemplate these things. I tell my friends about my doubts and how I "want more" and I can't help but lie awake and spend my days looking for...more.
But not tonight. Tonight, is a night that is very unlike those previous nights. I think I will always have these nights. I think I will always ask "what else is out there?" I will always dream and seek more. But tonight, I'm not letting it last a week, a month, longer. Tonight I'm realizing how much I've been given, and I'm deciding not only to be content, but to be happy. And you know what else I've decided? I've decided I have so much to learn.
I have so much to learn about so many things. First and foremost about myself. I need to learn how to put away my arrogance and skepticism, and be open to people and ideas. I have so much to work on. I'm realizing that I have the opportunity, talents, skills...to be extraordinary...not just average. I've always been the girl who has been excellent without any effort. And I don't mean to sound arrogant about that--I've been that way ever since I've been in school. Effortless "A's", an ease with people and projects. And it was all done at the last minute, with the least amount of effort and thought I can put into it.
But you know what? That's not what I want for my life anymore. That's not what I want for my job, my personal goals, my spiritual life...everything. I have these skills, these abilities, that I'm just letting lie dormant. I become unhappy because I feel unchallenged, or I want to do something different. I can bring about that change and challenge without totally rearranging my life and seeing everything wrong with what I have. I HAVE all I need...it's me that needs to change. It's me that needs to realize that it's not about changing my job, moving, or getting a new hobby. It's about seeing where I'm at and figuring out what I have and making it as amazing as possible.
And when I think about it, I've done that with one specific thing--my apartment. I know that sounds weird, but I have this belief that my home represents who I am, and I have worked tireless to make my apartment as perfect as possible--from the furniture, to the color choices, to the arrangement. I cannot say how long I waited and dreamed for the perfect couch, table, room color...and I made it all come to be. In all of my apartments I had that obsession...and I made them as perfect as possible. I worked hard, and made my dreams a reality with the resources that I had. And I have no illusion that my apartment is a ritzy downtown condo--but I've taken what I have and have made it as wonderful as possible. Does that make sense?
I need to do this with other aspects of my life. I've started this year--I was unhappy with my weight and health...so I started eating healthy and exercising...and look where I am now. I was unhappy with my social life...I joined various groups and got involved in things that I enjoy...and I'm loads happier that I was before. I guess I just needed to put it into words. I have life to the fullest...I just have to take hold of it I guess.
If I want to focus on a healthy eating and fitness program in my job--I should start one. If I want to learn how to cook better...I should take a class. If I want to revitalize my spirtual life...I should start with church and my own quiet time in the morning. Life and everything I want for it is at my fingertips...and it doesn't take something huge to change it. It just takes a decision, then a step in the right direction. From there, everything else will fall into place.
My very best and most wonderful friend Becca asked me what my theme this year was going to be. Last year, it was "The Year of Me." I focused on what I wanted and who I wanted to be. This year, it's going to be "The Year of Stepping Up and Stepping Out." I told her it was "The Year of Trying New Things..." which it still is, (that's what the whole stepping out means), but I also want to step up my life. I want to step up my commitment, I want to put action to my words, dreams, and goals and DO something about them. So I'm stepping up, and stepping out. I'm commiting myself to being a better me...the me that I'm meant to be. Next blog? Things I want to achieve in the next year. I'm SO excited to write about them...even more excited to DO them.
And usually on these nights, I go to bed, unfulfilled, wanting more. Usually the night turns into at least a week-long funk (sometimes longer) in which I contemplate these things. I tell my friends about my doubts and how I "want more" and I can't help but lie awake and spend my days looking for...more.
But not tonight. Tonight, is a night that is very unlike those previous nights. I think I will always have these nights. I think I will always ask "what else is out there?" I will always dream and seek more. But tonight, I'm not letting it last a week, a month, longer. Tonight I'm realizing how much I've been given, and I'm deciding not only to be content, but to be happy. And you know what else I've decided? I've decided I have so much to learn.
I have so much to learn about so many things. First and foremost about myself. I need to learn how to put away my arrogance and skepticism, and be open to people and ideas. I have so much to work on. I'm realizing that I have the opportunity, talents, skills...to be extraordinary...not just average. I've always been the girl who has been excellent without any effort. And I don't mean to sound arrogant about that--I've been that way ever since I've been in school. Effortless "A's", an ease with people and projects. And it was all done at the last minute, with the least amount of effort and thought I can put into it.
But you know what? That's not what I want for my life anymore. That's not what I want for my job, my personal goals, my spiritual life...everything. I have these skills, these abilities, that I'm just letting lie dormant. I become unhappy because I feel unchallenged, or I want to do something different. I can bring about that change and challenge without totally rearranging my life and seeing everything wrong with what I have. I HAVE all I need...it's me that needs to change. It's me that needs to realize that it's not about changing my job, moving, or getting a new hobby. It's about seeing where I'm at and figuring out what I have and making it as amazing as possible.
And when I think about it, I've done that with one specific thing--my apartment. I know that sounds weird, but I have this belief that my home represents who I am, and I have worked tireless to make my apartment as perfect as possible--from the furniture, to the color choices, to the arrangement. I cannot say how long I waited and dreamed for the perfect couch, table, room color...and I made it all come to be. In all of my apartments I had that obsession...and I made them as perfect as possible. I worked hard, and made my dreams a reality with the resources that I had. And I have no illusion that my apartment is a ritzy downtown condo--but I've taken what I have and have made it as wonderful as possible. Does that make sense?
I need to do this with other aspects of my life. I've started this year--I was unhappy with my weight and health...so I started eating healthy and exercising...and look where I am now. I was unhappy with my social life...I joined various groups and got involved in things that I enjoy...and I'm loads happier that I was before. I guess I just needed to put it into words. I have life to the fullest...I just have to take hold of it I guess.
If I want to focus on a healthy eating and fitness program in my job--I should start one. If I want to learn how to cook better...I should take a class. If I want to revitalize my spirtual life...I should start with church and my own quiet time in the morning. Life and everything I want for it is at my fingertips...and it doesn't take something huge to change it. It just takes a decision, then a step in the right direction. From there, everything else will fall into place.
My very best and most wonderful friend Becca asked me what my theme this year was going to be. Last year, it was "The Year of Me." I focused on what I wanted and who I wanted to be. This year, it's going to be "The Year of Stepping Up and Stepping Out." I told her it was "The Year of Trying New Things..." which it still is, (that's what the whole stepping out means), but I also want to step up my life. I want to step up my commitment, I want to put action to my words, dreams, and goals and DO something about them. So I'm stepping up, and stepping out. I'm commiting myself to being a better me...the me that I'm meant to be. Next blog? Things I want to achieve in the next year. I'm SO excited to write about them...even more excited to DO them.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Noviembre esta aqui!
I have no idea if that's the correct spanish. I'm just gonna go with it :) It's been over a month since I've been on this blog, and I have to admit, that Sparkpeople has been so convenient for blogging. It not only is a website that I log into everyday, but it offers support, which, to be honest, this one doesn't really offer. However, I do want to pop back in on here and update (everyone? haha) on where my progress is.
Weight loss since starting
Jan 4th (start day) 246.6
Jan 11th (1st WI) 7.2 lost, 239.4
Jan 18th (2nd WI)2 lost, 237.4
Jan 25th (3rd WI) 1 lost, 236.4
Feb 1st (4th WI) 3.2 lost, 233.2
Feb 8th (5th WI) 4 lost, 229.2
Feb 15th (6th WI) 1 lost, 228.2
Feb 22nd (7th WI) 1.8 lost, 226.4
Mar 1st (8th WI) 5 lost, 221.4
Mar 8th (9th WI) missed...still 221.4
Mar 15th (10th WI) 4 lost, 217.4
Mar 22nd (11th WI) 3.4 gained, 220.8
Mar 29th (12th WI) 1.2 gained, 222
April 5th (13 WI) 2.4 lost, 219.6
April 12th (14th WI) .2 gained, 219.8
April 26th (15th WI) .2 gained, 220
(Fell of the wagon a bit...)
June 28th (16th WI) 2 gained, 222
July 6th (17th WI) .4 lost, 221.6
July 12th (18th WI) skipped
July 24th (19th WI) 2 lost, 219.6
Aug 1st (20th WI) 2.6 lost, 218
Aug 8th (21st WI) .5 lost, 217.5
Aug 15th (22nd WI) 1.5 lost, 216
Aug 22nd (23rd WI) o lost, 216
Aug 28th (24th WI) 2.4 lost, 213.6
Sept 9th (25th WI) 1.2 lost, 212.4
Sept 11th (26th WI) 2.6 lost, 209.8
Oct 25th (27th WI) 5.2 lost, 204.6
When I actually look at the numbers, it's really encouraging...because now I know that I can successfully lose the remaining weight. I was blogging on Sparkpeople, and talking about how I was no longer afraid to TRY to do stuff anymore, and it made me think of this blog and how I was so fearful starting out. I was afraid of failing. I was afraid of not looking good even when I was thinner. I was afraid of looking dumb. I was afraid of standing out. I was afraid of...so many things. My self-confidence was lagging, and although I've always been pretty confident at whatever weight I was at, I didn't feel...comfortable with myself.
I don't really know how to describe it but it was as if the life that I had lived thus far was only a stunted, small version of the life that I wanted. There were so many things that I wanted but so many things that I was afraid of trying. And now, over a year later (I started this blog in October), I am 40 lbs lighter, and full of life and happieness. And my life no longer revolves around if a guy likes me/thinks I'm attractive, or if I look good to so and so in this dress, or if I can impress so and so with blah blah...it revolves around...me.
And when I say me, I mean the things that I love and enjoy. I no longer put myself in situations where I feel uncomfortable or weird. I do all the nerdy things I like to do...including settlers and HP and poker. I am doing well at my job. I'm a runner! I'm getting stronger and losing weight everyday. I'm making new friends and laying a foundation for deeper relationships with people of my faith. I'm reading like crazy! I'm stepping out and trying and doing new things....and I'm loving life! This is the most free and full that I've felt in a long time. Not only am I healthy in body, but I'm healthy in mind and spirit. God is good. You ask for help, and he gives it. You cry out for LIFE and he supplies it.
I found this manfesto, called the holstee manifesto, and it perfectly describes my new motto on life:
"This is your LIFE. Do what you love, and do it often.
If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit.
If you don't have enough time, stop watching TV.
If you are looking for the love of your life, stop;
they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.
Stop overanalyzing, life is simple. All emotions are beautiful.
When you eat, appreciate every last bite.
Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences.
Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them.
Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself.
Some opportunities only come once, seize them.
Life is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them so go out and start creating.
Life is short. Live your dream and wear your passion."
Every last phrase of this spoke to me, but I've found that at this point and time, the one that resonates for me the most is the stop looking for the love of your life, because they'll be waiting for you when you start doing the things that you love. I've always believed that, but it's never been put into those words. No matter how much I will and want my future husband to come, he's not going to come until it's time. Life is too short to waste on wondering and waiting and pining. For me, I thought that ok, if I'm not going to wait and pine and I'm just going to start getting together with people, even people that I know won't work in the long run. Which, shockingly, didn't work out for the best.
I always thought that I was a "throw 'em away, don't get involved, leave them before they hurt you, no emotions" kind of girl. Now I'm realizing that what I really was was a girl who wanted to be SURE that I was "wantable", because I was so tired of waiting. And so I accepted whoever what there, because it made me feel desired and that I was "wantable." But those encounters made me feel more unstable and insecure than before...and it took me awhile to realize those "lines" I was feeding myself weren't really lines...they were truth. I want someone to spend the rest of my life with, and the fleeting encounters I can have with this guy or that will never fill that desire. The false intimacy and comfort I felt with M. could never add up in a million years to the comfort and intimacy of someone who I knew I could share my life with. And I knew it, but I just kept trying because you know what? It's fucking hard to wait.
It's hard when I know that I could walk into somewhere, flirt, flash a couple of smiles, wear a hot dress with boots and walk out with a guy who is more than willing to fill my need for love and comfort. It's hard when I have opportunities that I could capitalize on. It's hard when I definitely have a libido! It's hard to not wonder "hmmm, maybe I can put up with their pot smoking habit..." or "is faith really that important to me?" in times of weakness. I'm not going to lie and say it's easy. I'm not going to lie and say I'm strong. It's a struggle that I fight every day and will probably continue to fight.
But there's a difference between the being with M. me and the me there is standing before you right now. The M. me said "why not, you don't have anything better to do" or "who cares?" or "what's another night?" And I would continue foolishly along the path that I created. The me today, answers those questions like this: "I have infinitely more better things to do. I would rather spend a night alone than with someone who doesn't love me." "I care. I care more about myself now that I ever have in my life and I'm not willing to risk my well-being and the wonderful life that I have created for some random guy." "Another night is another part of me that I let go of. That I say isn't worthy of something better. Another night is me saying I don't really care, because I'll be ready when the right one comes along. And that's not true, because I care."
So here I am now, in a completely different state of mind than before. Before, I would wait, and pine and hope that life would start once this "mysteriously wonderful man" came into my life. Now, I'm living my life and doing what I love. And hopefully there will be a guy out there who can keep up with me and who can love some of the things that I love. I'm not waiting around, I'm living. I'm not looking actively, but I'm keeping my eyes open. And most of all, I'm living. Living life in a way that I have never lived before. And I love it.
Wow, I didn't think this would turn into...a "go me/power rant" like this but it did :)
Weight loss since starting
Jan 4th (start day) 246.6
Jan 11th (1st WI) 7.2 lost, 239.4
Jan 18th (2nd WI)2 lost, 237.4
Jan 25th (3rd WI) 1 lost, 236.4
Feb 1st (4th WI) 3.2 lost, 233.2
Feb 8th (5th WI) 4 lost, 229.2
Feb 15th (6th WI) 1 lost, 228.2
Feb 22nd (7th WI) 1.8 lost, 226.4
Mar 1st (8th WI) 5 lost, 221.4
Mar 8th (9th WI) missed...still 221.4
Mar 15th (10th WI) 4 lost, 217.4
Mar 22nd (11th WI) 3.4 gained, 220.8
Mar 29th (12th WI) 1.2 gained, 222
April 5th (13 WI) 2.4 lost, 219.6
April 12th (14th WI) .2 gained, 219.8
April 26th (15th WI) .2 gained, 220
(Fell of the wagon a bit...)
June 28th (16th WI) 2 gained, 222
July 6th (17th WI) .4 lost, 221.6
July 12th (18th WI) skipped
July 24th (19th WI) 2 lost, 219.6
Aug 1st (20th WI) 2.6 lost, 218
Aug 8th (21st WI) .5 lost, 217.5
Aug 15th (22nd WI) 1.5 lost, 216
Aug 22nd (23rd WI) o lost, 216
Aug 28th (24th WI) 2.4 lost, 213.6
Sept 9th (25th WI) 1.2 lost, 212.4
Sept 11th (26th WI) 2.6 lost, 209.8
Oct 25th (27th WI) 5.2 lost, 204.6
When I actually look at the numbers, it's really encouraging...because now I know that I can successfully lose the remaining weight. I was blogging on Sparkpeople, and talking about how I was no longer afraid to TRY to do stuff anymore, and it made me think of this blog and how I was so fearful starting out. I was afraid of failing. I was afraid of not looking good even when I was thinner. I was afraid of looking dumb. I was afraid of standing out. I was afraid of...so many things. My self-confidence was lagging, and although I've always been pretty confident at whatever weight I was at, I didn't feel...comfortable with myself.
I don't really know how to describe it but it was as if the life that I had lived thus far was only a stunted, small version of the life that I wanted. There were so many things that I wanted but so many things that I was afraid of trying. And now, over a year later (I started this blog in October), I am 40 lbs lighter, and full of life and happieness. And my life no longer revolves around if a guy likes me/thinks I'm attractive, or if I look good to so and so in this dress, or if I can impress so and so with blah blah...it revolves around...me.
And when I say me, I mean the things that I love and enjoy. I no longer put myself in situations where I feel uncomfortable or weird. I do all the nerdy things I like to do...including settlers and HP and poker. I am doing well at my job. I'm a runner! I'm getting stronger and losing weight everyday. I'm making new friends and laying a foundation for deeper relationships with people of my faith. I'm reading like crazy! I'm stepping out and trying and doing new things....and I'm loving life! This is the most free and full that I've felt in a long time. Not only am I healthy in body, but I'm healthy in mind and spirit. God is good. You ask for help, and he gives it. You cry out for LIFE and he supplies it.
I found this manfesto, called the holstee manifesto, and it perfectly describes my new motto on life:
"This is your LIFE. Do what you love, and do it often.
If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit.
If you don't have enough time, stop watching TV.
If you are looking for the love of your life, stop;
they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.
Stop overanalyzing, life is simple. All emotions are beautiful.
When you eat, appreciate every last bite.
Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences.
Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them.
Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself.
Some opportunities only come once, seize them.
Life is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them so go out and start creating.
Life is short. Live your dream and wear your passion."
Every last phrase of this spoke to me, but I've found that at this point and time, the one that resonates for me the most is the stop looking for the love of your life, because they'll be waiting for you when you start doing the things that you love. I've always believed that, but it's never been put into those words. No matter how much I will and want my future husband to come, he's not going to come until it's time. Life is too short to waste on wondering and waiting and pining. For me, I thought that ok, if I'm not going to wait and pine and I'm just going to start getting together with people, even people that I know won't work in the long run. Which, shockingly, didn't work out for the best.
I always thought that I was a "throw 'em away, don't get involved, leave them before they hurt you, no emotions" kind of girl. Now I'm realizing that what I really was was a girl who wanted to be SURE that I was "wantable", because I was so tired of waiting. And so I accepted whoever what there, because it made me feel desired and that I was "wantable." But those encounters made me feel more unstable and insecure than before...and it took me awhile to realize those "lines" I was feeding myself weren't really lines...they were truth. I want someone to spend the rest of my life with, and the fleeting encounters I can have with this guy or that will never fill that desire. The false intimacy and comfort I felt with M. could never add up in a million years to the comfort and intimacy of someone who I knew I could share my life with. And I knew it, but I just kept trying because you know what? It's fucking hard to wait.
It's hard when I know that I could walk into somewhere, flirt, flash a couple of smiles, wear a hot dress with boots and walk out with a guy who is more than willing to fill my need for love and comfort. It's hard when I have opportunities that I could capitalize on. It's hard when I definitely have a libido! It's hard to not wonder "hmmm, maybe I can put up with their pot smoking habit..." or "is faith really that important to me?" in times of weakness. I'm not going to lie and say it's easy. I'm not going to lie and say I'm strong. It's a struggle that I fight every day and will probably continue to fight.
But there's a difference between the being with M. me and the me there is standing before you right now. The M. me said "why not, you don't have anything better to do" or "who cares?" or "what's another night?" And I would continue foolishly along the path that I created. The me today, answers those questions like this: "I have infinitely more better things to do. I would rather spend a night alone than with someone who doesn't love me." "I care. I care more about myself now that I ever have in my life and I'm not willing to risk my well-being and the wonderful life that I have created for some random guy." "Another night is another part of me that I let go of. That I say isn't worthy of something better. Another night is me saying I don't really care, because I'll be ready when the right one comes along. And that's not true, because I care."
So here I am now, in a completely different state of mind than before. Before, I would wait, and pine and hope that life would start once this "mysteriously wonderful man" came into my life. Now, I'm living my life and doing what I love. And hopefully there will be a guy out there who can keep up with me and who can love some of the things that I love. I'm not waiting around, I'm living. I'm not looking actively, but I'm keeping my eyes open. And most of all, I'm living. Living life in a way that I have never lived before. And I love it.
Wow, I didn't think this would turn into...a "go me/power rant" like this but it did :)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
running...worship...hmmm
So ever since it started getting darker earlier and my schedule changed back to 11-7, I told myself I was going to do a morning run instead of running in the evenings. Well, after the excitement of my first 5k was over, my desire to run dwindled a bit. Last week, I felt so lazy and blah and tired that I didn't do any real running at all (except for a little in the middle of the week). I found out that last week was my PMS week (go figure) as I'm now dealing with my wonderful TOM. It didn't dissuade me from getting my butt out of bed and going for a run today. I went to bed early, woke up around 5:15, read until 6:45, then got my shoes on and headed out of the house.
The run was amazing. The first mile plus I ran and had a good pace going, then stopped and walked. During my walk, on the beautiful morning with greenlake not so full and all new and fresh, I had this thought of "why don't you put on a little worship music?" I'm sure it was a gentle nudge from God, but it was clear, and I just knew I had to. So I did, and it was the best decision I've made.
As I was running I realized that everything that I've had, including this newly found love for running, has come because of help and grace from God. I remember crying and praying to God to help me, to change me, to give me courage and to show me how to live my life to the fullest. And here I am, happy, healthy, trying new things, and loving every second that is given me in the day. The first song that I listened to was "Came to my Rescue" and the chorus goes "I called, you answered...and you came to my rescue and I want to be where you are." And it's true. I called, I asked, and he came to my rescue. It came in the form of him giving me courage to try and me saying yes to him. It came in the form of him showing me sparkpeople...and me responding to the resource. It came in the form of being challenged to run (something I've been wanting to do for a long time) and me saying yes and training for c25k.
He has laid a path before me that is greater than anything I can have imagined, and all it takes is my response of "yes" to him and the things he wants for me. I want my running not to be worship of my abilities and growing strength. I want my running to be an act of worship to him and how good he is. Every breath that I take and every mile that I run will be for him, because of what he's done for me. He came to my rescue. God is good.
The run was amazing. The first mile plus I ran and had a good pace going, then stopped and walked. During my walk, on the beautiful morning with greenlake not so full and all new and fresh, I had this thought of "why don't you put on a little worship music?" I'm sure it was a gentle nudge from God, but it was clear, and I just knew I had to. So I did, and it was the best decision I've made.
As I was running I realized that everything that I've had, including this newly found love for running, has come because of help and grace from God. I remember crying and praying to God to help me, to change me, to give me courage and to show me how to live my life to the fullest. And here I am, happy, healthy, trying new things, and loving every second that is given me in the day. The first song that I listened to was "Came to my Rescue" and the chorus goes "I called, you answered...and you came to my rescue and I want to be where you are." And it's true. I called, I asked, and he came to my rescue. It came in the form of him giving me courage to try and me saying yes to him. It came in the form of him showing me sparkpeople...and me responding to the resource. It came in the form of being challenged to run (something I've been wanting to do for a long time) and me saying yes and training for c25k.
He has laid a path before me that is greater than anything I can have imagined, and all it takes is my response of "yes" to him and the things he wants for me. I want my running not to be worship of my abilities and growing strength. I want my running to be an act of worship to him and how good he is. Every breath that I take and every mile that I run will be for him, because of what he's done for me. He came to my rescue. God is good.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
lazy day
I have cheated on this blog for the convenience and support of my sparkpeople blog. :/ I will work on keeping this one up as well :)
I went for my yearly visit to my doctor yesterday and aside from being healthy, she said I had nearly perfect BP and was super happy about my weight loss. I did JM 30DS level two and let me tell you, it'll probably be a good long while before I graduate from the level. The plank position seems to be in more than half of the circuits and I was DYING the whole time :) It was a good workout though. I had a fantastic time Friday night, although Saturday I was rewarded with a lingering headache and an gurgly stomach every once in awhile.
For the past couple of weeks I've been eating recklessly--I did a lot of shopping and my eating habits suffered for it. But after going grocery shopping this past week I'm ready to be back in the saddle of eating nutritiously...not just being aware of calories. More fruits, veggies, lean proteins, and cooking at home are in my future--which I'm excited about. It's nice to have convenient dinners like smart ones around, but nothing beat a fresh homecooked meal.
Yesterday I spent much of the day lounging around my apartment after my dr's appointment. I think I'm going to do JM, clean up my apartment, write my brother, and then head off to get some running in. Next weekend I'll be running another 5k and I need to get back into shape for it :) I was rubbing the shin and for the first time I noticed that the bone sticks out now...no more fat cushioning it, it long and lean and sharp :) My legs are slimming up and having nice contours and muscles as well. Despite my grumbling about JM, I never would have been able to do that workout earlier this year, and I'm happy about the progress I've made in becoming healthier, happier, and stronger. What a good year...I'm excited for everything else that is to come.
I turn 25 right at the end of 2010, and I'm really excited that I'm preparing to live the next quarter century of my life with vigor and vitality. I truly want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd...and I'm gaining it, day by day. God is good :)
I went for my yearly visit to my doctor yesterday and aside from being healthy, she said I had nearly perfect BP and was super happy about my weight loss. I did JM 30DS level two and let me tell you, it'll probably be a good long while before I graduate from the level. The plank position seems to be in more than half of the circuits and I was DYING the whole time :) It was a good workout though. I had a fantastic time Friday night, although Saturday I was rewarded with a lingering headache and an gurgly stomach every once in awhile.
For the past couple of weeks I've been eating recklessly--I did a lot of shopping and my eating habits suffered for it. But after going grocery shopping this past week I'm ready to be back in the saddle of eating nutritiously...not just being aware of calories. More fruits, veggies, lean proteins, and cooking at home are in my future--which I'm excited about. It's nice to have convenient dinners like smart ones around, but nothing beat a fresh homecooked meal.
Yesterday I spent much of the day lounging around my apartment after my dr's appointment. I think I'm going to do JM, clean up my apartment, write my brother, and then head off to get some running in. Next weekend I'll be running another 5k and I need to get back into shape for it :) I was rubbing the shin and for the first time I noticed that the bone sticks out now...no more fat cushioning it, it long and lean and sharp :) My legs are slimming up and having nice contours and muscles as well. Despite my grumbling about JM, I never would have been able to do that workout earlier this year, and I'm happy about the progress I've made in becoming healthier, happier, and stronger. What a good year...I'm excited for everything else that is to come.
I turn 25 right at the end of 2010, and I'm really excited that I'm preparing to live the next quarter century of my life with vigor and vitality. I truly want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd...and I'm gaining it, day by day. God is good :)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
life is good
I'm so excited to be done with our summer session. I went shopping yesterday and realized that I will finally get to wear all the cute clothing that I have accumulated over the past couple of months. I went shopping yesterday and spent a pretty penny. I might return some stuff, but it's so nice being able to shop in the regular ladies section and not the women's section. My size varies from XL to L to M, but I'm pretty much solidly in a large, and I feel amazing. I'm reaching goals left and right and making decisions for me...and it's nice...really nice.
I was talking with a friend the other day about how happy I am. My life is full, and it's full of things that I enjoy and that keeps me in contact with different kinds of people, doing different types of things. And it's also full of me. I'm able to do stuff for me, because I want to do it. It's not centered around pleasing other people, and worrying about what they want, it's about living my life and living it for moi. She said "Sometimes I envy you single people because you don't have to worry about someone else and their needs." And it's very true. I told her that there's a trade off with that...I'm single, and can live for me...she's coupled, and has to worry about her S.O...but I'm sure she wouldn't give up her S.O. to be single...if if she did...then maybe her S.O. isn't right for her.
I'm holding onto that idea more and more that one (single vs. coupled) is not better than the other. There are pros and cons to both, but it really is about enjoying whatever stage you're at. And I know that sounds all syrupy and...I don't know...like I'm just quoting a line, but honestly, truly, and completely, I'm loving being single. I'm loving living for me, and while there will always be room for someone else like a husband and family, right now, I'm enjoying just being a mommy to a very easy to care for kitty :)
Today, I'm going to do some cleaning, try on some clothes from my closet, go shopping, get a TWO HOUR massage, shop a little more, go to church, then come home to a clean, apartment that is all my own. I finished another book that I had been reading this morning, and woke up with the leisure of not having to hear or deal with anyone other than my little keekers meowing and wanting a little love. This, is the life. I'm content. And not only content, I'm making progress is all sorts of ways. Life is good...God is good.
I was talking with a friend the other day about how happy I am. My life is full, and it's full of things that I enjoy and that keeps me in contact with different kinds of people, doing different types of things. And it's also full of me. I'm able to do stuff for me, because I want to do it. It's not centered around pleasing other people, and worrying about what they want, it's about living my life and living it for moi. She said "Sometimes I envy you single people because you don't have to worry about someone else and their needs." And it's very true. I told her that there's a trade off with that...I'm single, and can live for me...she's coupled, and has to worry about her S.O...but I'm sure she wouldn't give up her S.O. to be single...if if she did...then maybe her S.O. isn't right for her.
I'm holding onto that idea more and more that one (single vs. coupled) is not better than the other. There are pros and cons to both, but it really is about enjoying whatever stage you're at. And I know that sounds all syrupy and...I don't know...like I'm just quoting a line, but honestly, truly, and completely, I'm loving being single. I'm loving living for me, and while there will always be room for someone else like a husband and family, right now, I'm enjoying just being a mommy to a very easy to care for kitty :)
Today, I'm going to do some cleaning, try on some clothes from my closet, go shopping, get a TWO HOUR massage, shop a little more, go to church, then come home to a clean, apartment that is all my own. I finished another book that I had been reading this morning, and woke up with the leisure of not having to hear or deal with anyone other than my little keekers meowing and wanting a little love. This, is the life. I'm content. And not only content, I'm making progress is all sorts of ways. Life is good...God is good.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
ah what a relaxing weekend
I had the most relaxing weekend in the longest time! I've been out and about for the last month or so going to my parents house, spending time with them, and helping them with the move. With working all well, and then spending my weekends there, I haven't really had time to decompress and rest...which I ended up doing this weekend and I have to say...it was glorious. Friday, I rented two movies, watched one, and then went to bed with a book. Saturday, I told myself I had stuff to do. One was to clean my entire apartment. The other was to watch the second movie, the last was to run. First, I decided to watch the movie, because who likes to start off a Saturday working? So I spent a lazy Saturday morning watching a movie and putzing around my apartment.
Around 1pm I decided it was time to start cleaning...starting in my bedroom (where piles of clean clothes were taking over), rolling into my living room (where piles of clothes and dishes and bags and EVERYTHING were lurking), over into my dining room/kitchen (which had the kitty litter box, and the sink full of 3 week old dishes...ew), over into the entry way/bathroom (which was piled with stuff brought home from my parents). I told myself I had until 7pm to do all that stuff because that is when I was going running. Welp, 7 hours later, I had everything done. EVERYTHING. I even rearranged my room :) There's still little stuff I have to go through, but my apartment is clean...gloriously, wonderfully, clean. And can I just say that 1) I love my apartment....it's so awesome in so many ways and 2) I love living alone! It's amazing and I don't think I will give it up willingly for anyone except if I get married...seriously.
At 7 I headed out the door to return my redbox rentals and run around the track. I've decided that I'm going to start doing 3 miles from now on with my running. I run 3 laps, walk 1 lap, and repeat 2 more times. That way I do a complete 5k. It was rough...I got tired and my legs got stiff and my breathing sometimes got jagged, but I did it. I knew I could because I did it two or three weeks ago when I was supposed to do 3run 2walk, 3run haha. And I clocked in at a 37.5 minute 5k...which averages to a 12.5 min mile...which, with walking added in is pretty good I must say :) Anyway, I'm hoping to be around a 35 minute mile by the time of the race. We'll see what happens I guess. After that, I cooked some incredibly yummy fajitas, Alisha came and bought my old TV, and then I sat down, enjoyed dinner, read my book, and then went to bed.
Today, I really wanted to go to Greenlake and walk with fellow Seattle sparkers...but I ended up waking up at 6 watching a show, eating breakfast, and then falling back asleep until 1ish. So, no walk, but I def wanna do that next time they get together. I met up with a friend for the last of the Tutta Bella special, then I caught the bus and went to church...which...felt great. I love my church, and I love that Richard challenges me to think about things that I don't normally dwell on and consider...Anyway, now I'm home, and although I thought maybe I would skip out on doing JM 30 day shred, I think I'm just gonna do it. Because I'm actually shockingly starting to enjoy it and...it's a good habit. Then I'm going to plan my meals for the rest of the week, make tuna, and then settle in my comfy bed with Eat, Pray, Love. This was exactly the weekend I needed. Thank you Jesus!
Around 1pm I decided it was time to start cleaning...starting in my bedroom (where piles of clean clothes were taking over), rolling into my living room (where piles of clothes and dishes and bags and EVERYTHING were lurking), over into my dining room/kitchen (which had the kitty litter box, and the sink full of 3 week old dishes...ew), over into the entry way/bathroom (which was piled with stuff brought home from my parents). I told myself I had until 7pm to do all that stuff because that is when I was going running. Welp, 7 hours later, I had everything done. EVERYTHING. I even rearranged my room :) There's still little stuff I have to go through, but my apartment is clean...gloriously, wonderfully, clean. And can I just say that 1) I love my apartment....it's so awesome in so many ways and 2) I love living alone! It's amazing and I don't think I will give it up willingly for anyone except if I get married...seriously.
At 7 I headed out the door to return my redbox rentals and run around the track. I've decided that I'm going to start doing 3 miles from now on with my running. I run 3 laps, walk 1 lap, and repeat 2 more times. That way I do a complete 5k. It was rough...I got tired and my legs got stiff and my breathing sometimes got jagged, but I did it. I knew I could because I did it two or three weeks ago when I was supposed to do 3run 2walk, 3run haha. And I clocked in at a 37.5 minute 5k...which averages to a 12.5 min mile...which, with walking added in is pretty good I must say :) Anyway, I'm hoping to be around a 35 minute mile by the time of the race. We'll see what happens I guess. After that, I cooked some incredibly yummy fajitas, Alisha came and bought my old TV, and then I sat down, enjoyed dinner, read my book, and then went to bed.
Today, I really wanted to go to Greenlake and walk with fellow Seattle sparkers...but I ended up waking up at 6 watching a show, eating breakfast, and then falling back asleep until 1ish. So, no walk, but I def wanna do that next time they get together. I met up with a friend for the last of the Tutta Bella special, then I caught the bus and went to church...which...felt great. I love my church, and I love that Richard challenges me to think about things that I don't normally dwell on and consider...Anyway, now I'm home, and although I thought maybe I would skip out on doing JM 30 day shred, I think I'm just gonna do it. Because I'm actually shockingly starting to enjoy it and...it's a good habit. Then I'm going to plan my meals for the rest of the week, make tuna, and then settle in my comfy bed with Eat, Pray, Love. This was exactly the weekend I needed. Thank you Jesus!
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