Saturday, January 9, 2010
I don't feel like it?
So I decided to revise my goals a little bit today. Instead of walking as my "work out" I did DDR instead for 30 minutes. I am going to clean today, but I'm going to leave the sorting of mail/paperwork til tomorrow. Phew. Ok, gonna read the Hobbit for 30 mins then get started. Wish me luck!
I don't FEEL like it
Today the book talked about how feelings tend to rule what we do or don't do. For example "I don't feel like working out today." It asks the question whether you do it anyway, or you end up sitting on the couch and not make an effort. It says this:
"Right now, you may be solidly committed to your goals. But what happens when you don't feel like cooking healthy meals or following your diet plan? If you aren't careful, you can easily slide back from being committed to being just interested. You don't usualy wait until you feel like going to work. You just go. The same thing is true for visiting your mother or changing dirty diapers. Because you consider these things to be important, you do them regardless of how you feel at the moment."
I really like the example of going to work. I don't feel like getting up for work a lot of days but it's important to me in many ways. When will my health become just as important? It is starting to become important. I'm making it important. Even though I don't feel like completely overhauling my life, I'm doing it anyway. I'm important. My health is important.
Today I don't feel like exercising. But I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to take a walk--I might listen to Richard's sermon...or I might just listen to music. Whatever will keep me walking and focused is what I want to do.
Also, today I'm going to wash my dishes, pick up my clothes, straighten up my bedroom and living room, clean my bathroom, and figure out how to work the Wii. I don't really want to do any of these things...I'd rather sit on my couch and watch Serenity. However, I'm going to do them. All of them. Anyway. :)
"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at reset in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us." 1 John 3:18-23
This verse makes me wonder how I am loving people in action and in truth. The funny thing is is that I've always seen the "action" part but never really looked at the "truth" part. What does this mean? Does it simply mean living honestly? Do it mean being transparent and vulnerable? As I'm sitting here and looking at my life and how it fits in, that seems to be the most logical answer. To not hide myself away, and just present a picture that people want to see. I need to not just love people in action by giving them what they need, volunteering, listening, etc. I need to love people in truth. I need to admit my faults, my doubts, and weariness. I need to shed my various masks that I put on and be vulnerable. I need to she this hardness, this "need to be strong" for other people and learn how to be weak for Jesus.
Those words are powerfully strong...to be weak for Jesus. All I've known is that I need to be put together. That I need to have it all figured out so people will think that there is something strong out there. But what people really need to know is that I'm just as jumbled up sometimes as they are, and that God's love gets me through it anyway.
Lord help me to love in action and in truth. Help me to not lock my true self away, but help me to reveal it little by little, however you want me to. Help me to be weak for you.
"Right now, you may be solidly committed to your goals. But what happens when you don't feel like cooking healthy meals or following your diet plan? If you aren't careful, you can easily slide back from being committed to being just interested. You don't usualy wait until you feel like going to work. You just go. The same thing is true for visiting your mother or changing dirty diapers. Because you consider these things to be important, you do them regardless of how you feel at the moment."
I really like the example of going to work. I don't feel like getting up for work a lot of days but it's important to me in many ways. When will my health become just as important? It is starting to become important. I'm making it important. Even though I don't feel like completely overhauling my life, I'm doing it anyway. I'm important. My health is important.
Today I don't feel like exercising. But I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to take a walk--I might listen to Richard's sermon...or I might just listen to music. Whatever will keep me walking and focused is what I want to do.
Also, today I'm going to wash my dishes, pick up my clothes, straighten up my bedroom and living room, clean my bathroom, and figure out how to work the Wii. I don't really want to do any of these things...I'd rather sit on my couch and watch Serenity. However, I'm going to do them. All of them. Anyway. :)
"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at reset in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us." 1 John 3:18-23
This verse makes me wonder how I am loving people in action and in truth. The funny thing is is that I've always seen the "action" part but never really looked at the "truth" part. What does this mean? Does it simply mean living honestly? Do it mean being transparent and vulnerable? As I'm sitting here and looking at my life and how it fits in, that seems to be the most logical answer. To not hide myself away, and just present a picture that people want to see. I need to not just love people in action by giving them what they need, volunteering, listening, etc. I need to love people in truth. I need to admit my faults, my doubts, and weariness. I need to shed my various masks that I put on and be vulnerable. I need to she this hardness, this "need to be strong" for other people and learn how to be weak for Jesus.
Those words are powerfully strong...to be weak for Jesus. All I've known is that I need to be put together. That I need to have it all figured out so people will think that there is something strong out there. But what people really need to know is that I'm just as jumbled up sometimes as they are, and that God's love gets me through it anyway.
Lord help me to love in action and in truth. Help me to not lock my true self away, but help me to reveal it little by little, however you want me to. Help me to be weak for you.
Following the plan
I made beef stroganoff today. Sooooooo yummy. I erred on the side of more calories vs. less calories when I put it into spark notes. It was a difference of 400 calories. However, I'd rather be under than over. This is one of the first times that I've actually kept up with my "lifestyle change" on the weekend. I need to read my daily motivator and my bible. Then I think I'll take a walk, clean, and then figure out the Wii :D. I think I'll listen to Richard's sermon on my walk. We're discussing it in small group next week....
Friday, January 8, 2010
Yay
I found out from SparkPeople (weight loss website) that I went UNDER my calories by about 35 calories. And I can eat 385 more calories. This website is amazing. I love it. I'm so inspired with this new weight loss thing. There's so many good things happening in my life! Woohoo!
Committed vs. interested.
I struggled to get up this morning. I really wanted to skip working out. Really bad. I usually feel like not working out, but times likes these happen when I don't get enough sleep. I really need to work on being committed to getting enough sleep. It will really help me stay with my goals in the long run.
Today the book talked about being interested vs. being committed. If you're just interested in weight loss, you "only stay with your plan until something better comes along." So if there's a party with great food, or someone brings in something delicious, or people want fast food, you tend to fall off the wagon a lot. Or even if you hit a plateau, you tend to give up. When that happens, you blame other people or situations (Too expensive, they keep tempting me, etc.)
When you're committed, you stay on your plan no matter what. You say, "I'm going to do this no matter what the situation or hardship." I feel like in the past, I've definitely taken the interested approach. I am deciding today, to be committed. I'm doing this no matter what. I want to be healthy. I want to be thin. I want to be able to wear a bathing suit and not feel TOTALLY uncomfortable. I want to wear clothes in the under double digits :) I'm committed to this no matter what my daily struggles are.
Even if I go to bed late, I will still be committed to waking up and exercising. If people go out to eat, I will be committed to eating my healthy option. If someone's eating cake, I'll eat the snacks I have. If I hit a plateau, I will be committed to finding out the issue, and doing what I can to get past it. I am committed to weight loss.
Today I am committed to exercising for 30 minutes :D
"Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist--he denies the Father and the Son. No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also....If you know the he is righteous (God/Jesus), you know that everyone who does what is right has been born of him." 1 John 2:22-23, 29
So much to say and ponder about these verses. In a day and age where people say, "every road leads to God" this verse really sticks out. I know, that I have come to say, "you don't know what Jesus is doing in someone. He could be working and manifesting in someone who claims another religion." So is this denying Christ? I'm not saying there are other ways, what I mean is that Christ works in ways that even we can't imagine. Now my question is, is this Biblical and true? Verse 29 makes me wonder...
Today the book talked about being interested vs. being committed. If you're just interested in weight loss, you "only stay with your plan until something better comes along." So if there's a party with great food, or someone brings in something delicious, or people want fast food, you tend to fall off the wagon a lot. Or even if you hit a plateau, you tend to give up. When that happens, you blame other people or situations (Too expensive, they keep tempting me, etc.)
When you're committed, you stay on your plan no matter what. You say, "I'm going to do this no matter what the situation or hardship." I feel like in the past, I've definitely taken the interested approach. I am deciding today, to be committed. I'm doing this no matter what. I want to be healthy. I want to be thin. I want to be able to wear a bathing suit and not feel TOTALLY uncomfortable. I want to wear clothes in the under double digits :) I'm committed to this no matter what my daily struggles are.
Even if I go to bed late, I will still be committed to waking up and exercising. If people go out to eat, I will be committed to eating my healthy option. If someone's eating cake, I'll eat the snacks I have. If I hit a plateau, I will be committed to finding out the issue, and doing what I can to get past it. I am committed to weight loss.
Today I am committed to exercising for 30 minutes :D
"Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist--he denies the Father and the Son. No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also....If you know the he is righteous (God/Jesus), you know that everyone who does what is right has been born of him." 1 John 2:22-23, 29
So much to say and ponder about these verses. In a day and age where people say, "every road leads to God" this verse really sticks out. I know, that I have come to say, "you don't know what Jesus is doing in someone. He could be working and manifesting in someone who claims another religion." So is this denying Christ? I'm not saying there are other ways, what I mean is that Christ works in ways that even we can't imagine. Now my question is, is this Biblical and true? Verse 29 makes me wonder...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
I used to be that way...
I'm reading a book called "100 days of Weight Loss." It's a daily motivator that helps you stay on track with whatever diet or life change you're on. I'm going to be chronicling my thoughts on this blog.
The first chapter talks about past attempts at weight loss and their unsuccessful-ness. My fears are that:
I'll give up.
That I won't look good once I've lost the weight.
That it still won't make a difference in my love life.
That I won't be able to lose weight.
My negative behaviors:
I eat a lot of sweets.
I eat when I'm bored.
I don't drink water.
I used to be fearful, but now I'm going to stand strong and try, and not just try, I will succeed!
I used to eat a lot of sweets, but now I'm going to make sure I eat a balanced diet that includes a little bit of everything.
I used to eat when I was bored, but now I'm going to check myself, and make sure that I'm actually hungry before I eat.
I used to not drink water, but now I'm going to bring my water bottle to work and make sure I drink 120 ounces a day.
Reading of the day: 1 John 1. "If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives." V.6-10.
A big part of my personality is pride. I hate to admit I'm wrong. However, I feel like God is slowly breaking that down. Just yesterday as I was writing how I "hate when someone does this" to me, I realized that I do that to SO many people, and I realized that I needed to be honest and say so. I am not a perfect person, I do make mistakes. Lord, please help me not only to be honest with myself when I make mistakes, but please help me to be honest and transparent with others when I make mistakes. Help my pride and stubbornness not get in the way of living an honest life and having forgiveness from you. Also, please show what is darkness so that I can live in your light.
The first chapter talks about past attempts at weight loss and their unsuccessful-ness. My fears are that:
I'll give up.
That I won't look good once I've lost the weight.
That it still won't make a difference in my love life.
That I won't be able to lose weight.
My negative behaviors:
I eat a lot of sweets.
I eat when I'm bored.
I don't drink water.
I used to be fearful, but now I'm going to stand strong and try, and not just try, I will succeed!
I used to eat a lot of sweets, but now I'm going to make sure I eat a balanced diet that includes a little bit of everything.
I used to eat when I was bored, but now I'm going to check myself, and make sure that I'm actually hungry before I eat.
I used to not drink water, but now I'm going to bring my water bottle to work and make sure I drink 120 ounces a day.
Reading of the day: 1 John 1. "If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives." V.6-10.
A big part of my personality is pride. I hate to admit I'm wrong. However, I feel like God is slowly breaking that down. Just yesterday as I was writing how I "hate when someone does this" to me, I realized that I do that to SO many people, and I realized that I needed to be honest and say so. I am not a perfect person, I do make mistakes. Lord, please help me not only to be honest with myself when I make mistakes, but please help me to be honest and transparent with others when I make mistakes. Help my pride and stubbornness not get in the way of living an honest life and having forgiveness from you. Also, please show what is darkness so that I can live in your light.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Short term goals
So, as far as weight loss. I've decided to set some short term goals. First, I want to lose 5% of my weight. Unfortunately, since I last weighed in, I might have gained 4 lbs. Doh! So 5% of my weight is 12.32 lbs. That will get me down to 234lbs. I've been there before, sadly, almost 2 years ago. I want to lose 110lbs. That seems like so much it's daunting. That's 45% of my weight. I want to be half my size. This is going to be a long journey, but it's worth taking.
I want to start out exercising 30 minutes every day for the next two weeks. Once I've successfully worked out 2 WHOLE weeks for 30 minutes a day, I will up that to 45 minutes. After four weeks of 45 minutes a day, I will up it to an hour six days a week.
As far as food, I want to start eating lunch at work. I want to stop eating out, and start eating food in. That's my first goal. This means, that I need to grocery shop, get stuff for sandwiches, and also cook meals during the week/end. Sandwiches, fruit, and veggies are on my list of things to buy. Also easy snack foods. I want to start cooking, and then after doing that, I want to figure out how to cook healthier. First focus is cooking at home, second focus is getting it to be healthier.
I want to sleep more. I want to get 7-8 hours of sleep every day. Depending on the day, this means I need to be in bed by 11 or 12. If I'm budgeting 1 hour a day (in the future) to work out, this means I need to have time to make breakfast, take care of the apts, etc. So I need to be up by 7 or 8 most days. On good days, I can be up at 8:30-9.
Annnnnnd, even though for some reason my mind is resisting this, I want to start reading my Bible every day. I don't want to be legalistic about it. I don't want to make it a chore, but I want to be disciplined. So what's the difference? Where's the line? Hm.
Ok, that's all I have right now for short term goals.
I want to start out exercising 30 minutes every day for the next two weeks. Once I've successfully worked out 2 WHOLE weeks for 30 minutes a day, I will up that to 45 minutes. After four weeks of 45 minutes a day, I will up it to an hour six days a week.
As far as food, I want to start eating lunch at work. I want to stop eating out, and start eating food in. That's my first goal. This means, that I need to grocery shop, get stuff for sandwiches, and also cook meals during the week/end. Sandwiches, fruit, and veggies are on my list of things to buy. Also easy snack foods. I want to start cooking, and then after doing that, I want to figure out how to cook healthier. First focus is cooking at home, second focus is getting it to be healthier.
I want to sleep more. I want to get 7-8 hours of sleep every day. Depending on the day, this means I need to be in bed by 11 or 12. If I'm budgeting 1 hour a day (in the future) to work out, this means I need to have time to make breakfast, take care of the apts, etc. So I need to be up by 7 or 8 most days. On good days, I can be up at 8:30-9.
Annnnnnd, even though for some reason my mind is resisting this, I want to start reading my Bible every day. I don't want to be legalistic about it. I don't want to make it a chore, but I want to be disciplined. So what's the difference? Where's the line? Hm.
Ok, that's all I have right now for short term goals.
Goals, goals, goals
So far this week, I've made chicken tortilla soup, a dairy free smoothie, resisted snacking at the Club, worked out for 30 minutes, and went to bed at 9:00. I'm really glad that I didn't let my rough start yesterday deter me from getting a better start today.
I've realized that if I'm going to start this journey, and stay on it in a meaningful way, that I need to set goals. And I need to be realistic about my goals and what I can do...as well as be willing to push myself.
So, here are my goals: lose weight, eat better, catch up on late bills, and then consistently pay bills on time, save money, pay off my credit cards, volunteer, cook meals, be apart of a meaningful small group (ie do my best to be vulnerable, to make relationships, etc.), take a class, continue game nights, and sleep better.
Overall, I think I want to start caring about myself and my life more. I've decided not to sleep with M. again. There have been many factors preventing me from doing so--mainly my period and time--but I also used my parents and how much they care for me as a deterrent as well. And as I was working out, I thought about moments that I had with Miles that I can't take back. And I realized that I do regret times and moments that I had given him. And I realized that I care enough about myself to not create any more of those moments. To not give myself and more reason to have regrets. And that felt good. It feels good.
As I'm writing this I realize that other than small group, there aren't a bunch of goals that include...discipline as far as my faith. I don't think those are "unspoken" things. In fact, I know that they are things that are most important to my spiritual well being. I know this in my head, but I'm not making it important in my life...and that's something that I want to do. So, I want to restart with my tithing. I want to support Bethany and their amazing work. I also want to read my Bible more consistently. I want to engage with the Word instead of just working off what I've already learned. I want to read books that have to do with my faith as well.
There are things that I want in life. I want a husband, kids, and a home to love them in. I want to be able to climb a mountain one day. I want to be able to run a mile. In fact, I want to be able to run five miles. I want a healthier, thinner body. I want to be able to wear short sleeves and shorts without feeling super self conscious. I want to be free from debt. I want, I want, I want. I need Jesus. I need your help. I need your guidance. I need your wisdom. I need your love. I need your compassion. I need your patience. I need your kindness. I need your forgiveness. I need...you. More than anything, I need you. And I ask for your help in this new journey that I'm going to start. I can't do it without you. You have made me into the person I am, so I pray that you will help me use those qualities to achieve the goals I've set before myself. And I pray that your will be done.
I've realized that if I'm going to start this journey, and stay on it in a meaningful way, that I need to set goals. And I need to be realistic about my goals and what I can do...as well as be willing to push myself.
So, here are my goals: lose weight, eat better, catch up on late bills, and then consistently pay bills on time, save money, pay off my credit cards, volunteer, cook meals, be apart of a meaningful small group (ie do my best to be vulnerable, to make relationships, etc.), take a class, continue game nights, and sleep better.
Overall, I think I want to start caring about myself and my life more. I've decided not to sleep with M. again. There have been many factors preventing me from doing so--mainly my period and time--but I also used my parents and how much they care for me as a deterrent as well. And as I was working out, I thought about moments that I had with Miles that I can't take back. And I realized that I do regret times and moments that I had given him. And I realized that I care enough about myself to not create any more of those moments. To not give myself and more reason to have regrets. And that felt good. It feels good.
As I'm writing this I realize that other than small group, there aren't a bunch of goals that include...discipline as far as my faith. I don't think those are "unspoken" things. In fact, I know that they are things that are most important to my spiritual well being. I know this in my head, but I'm not making it important in my life...and that's something that I want to do. So, I want to restart with my tithing. I want to support Bethany and their amazing work. I also want to read my Bible more consistently. I want to engage with the Word instead of just working off what I've already learned. I want to read books that have to do with my faith as well.
There are things that I want in life. I want a husband, kids, and a home to love them in. I want to be able to climb a mountain one day. I want to be able to run a mile. In fact, I want to be able to run five miles. I want a healthier, thinner body. I want to be able to wear short sleeves and shorts without feeling super self conscious. I want to be free from debt. I want, I want, I want. I need Jesus. I need your help. I need your guidance. I need your wisdom. I need your love. I need your compassion. I need your patience. I need your kindness. I need your forgiveness. I need...you. More than anything, I need you. And I ask for your help in this new journey that I'm going to start. I can't do it without you. You have made me into the person I am, so I pray that you will help me use those qualities to achieve the goals I've set before myself. And I pray that your will be done.
Beebop
So I was going to start my whole exercise regimen yesterday, but due to my whacked out sleep schedule, getting up early enough to straighten my hair AND work out/do breakfast was not happening. Thankfully, at the beginning, I didn't let it get my spirits down. I had lunch, resisted snacking at work, and then came home and ate the rest of my lunch. Oh yea and I drank water only :D The bad news is is that I came home and ate the pez that were sitting on my desk :/ Ah well, I did good most of the day.
The hardest part for me yesterday at work was resisting snacking. As I was sitting at my desk I wanted to just eat and eat and eat. I don't know if this was the result of boredom...ok I'm pretty sure it was. I'll be glad to start the new job so I can be up and about instead of sitting and staring at a screen.
I found out that my job officially starts on the 22nd. Weeee! I'm so excited. It's nice to have a couple of weeks to kinda wrap up stuff at the desk, but I'm still nervous about the transition.
I made chicken tortilla soup yesterday. It was delicious. I made a smoothie this morning. It was delicious. Oh yea--and I worked out on the DDR for 30 minutes. :D I want to start writing about goals...again, but this is already getting long. So, next blog.
The hardest part for me yesterday at work was resisting snacking. As I was sitting at my desk I wanted to just eat and eat and eat. I don't know if this was the result of boredom...ok I'm pretty sure it was. I'll be glad to start the new job so I can be up and about instead of sitting and staring at a screen.
I found out that my job officially starts on the 22nd. Weeee! I'm so excited. It's nice to have a couple of weeks to kinda wrap up stuff at the desk, but I'm still nervous about the transition.
I made chicken tortilla soup yesterday. It was delicious. I made a smoothie this morning. It was delicious. Oh yea--and I worked out on the DDR for 30 minutes. :D I want to start writing about goals...again, but this is already getting long. So, next blog.
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