The book talked about the phrase "I have to..." We say we have to go to work, we have to clean the house, etc., and that that phrase can stir up a rebellious, "you can't tell me what to do" nature. We don't like being told what to do, so when we say "I have to" it evokes those feelings. It says that in reality we do those things, we choose to do them "because you don't like what might happen if you don't do them."
"Saying 'I choose to' puts you in charge and affirms that you want to see results."
I think she makes a very good point here. All week I've been saying "I HAVE to pick up my clothes and go through them to know what still fits. Then I HAVE to hang them up." The result? My clothes are still in a pile sitting on the floor. The only reason my kitchen and living room got cleaned earlier is because I couldn't close the door to those rooms...people had to see them and I care if people think I'm a slob :)
Ever since I got sick, I've kinda let the whole weight loss thing slide. I didn't want to focus on it because it depressed me that I had gotten so far, and that being sick could derail me. Which, is totally not my fault, but I still got kinda down. I've been enjoying the ability to eat anything I want and being normal this week, but starting next week, I'm getting back on board.
I choose to continue this journey. I've lost 30 lbs. I can't even believe it. It's been an amazing time and I've felt SO good, SO inspired, and SO proud. I choose to get up and work out. I choose to start making my food again. (I just threw out a whole grocery back of fruits, veggies, and other things. I am so mad at myself, but I choose not to do waste like that again.) I choose to start pursuing the things that I want. I was talking to a coworker the other day about wanting to take some dance classes and she was like "I've ALWAYS wanted to do that." So hopefully we can do that together. If not, I'd still like to do it.
I don't know, I'm feeling very empowered and in charge of my life. I'm realizing the gravity of my decisions and the choices that I make and I'm realizing what I really want and what I like. I'll have to blog on those thoughts at another time, but suffice it to say that my eyes are being opened to alot of things and I'm really, really thankful for my life and I choose to live it to the fullest.
"For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith....Therefore since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:2,14-16
This chapter talks about Sabbath-Rest for God's people. It talks about how God rested from his work, and that we can enter into that rest. In the beginning of the chapter it says that some people did not enter that rest. Why? Because they didn't believe. They heard what God said, but they didn't have faith--they didn't believe that he could do the things he said he could. Which, I have to admit in my own humanness, that to believe the words of an invisible being, is sometimes hard. It's oftentimes hard. But just like those people who were unable to enter the rest, I've seen SO MANY ways in which God has worked and come through for me. I've seen him do amazing things in my life and bring me through some of the most troubling times. And at the time I had no idea it was him, but as hindsight is 20/20.
If I have experienced all of these things that show me that God is real, how can I continue to not believe? There comes a point and time where I just have to choose to trust him in the new situations that come up and that seem uncertain to me. I feel like God has "rest" for us here on earth. That he asks us to trust him and have faith so that we can live in a world relatively free of anxiety and uncertainty. As a person with anxiety, I know that living with it constantly and letting it affect me is the exact opposite of rest. He isn't asking us to believe because he wants to harm or control us, he's asking us to believe so we can live a full life, one of peace, joy, love, rest.
I love the last part of this chapter that says we have a God who has experienced exactly the things the we have gone through, that he sympathizes with our weaknesses and struggles. I love that it emphasizes that we can approach him with confidence. And that the throne we approach is not one of judgement or condemnation, but one of grace. He freely wants to give us grace and mercy so that can have "help in our time of need." What an awesome thought. That when we are in need, when we need him most--in our darkest and most sinful times--that we can approach a throne of grace and receive mercy.
This, is why I follow Christ. The people who scream about God's wrath and judgment and persecute others have no idea what this faith is truly about. It saddens me to know that many people will only know a negative, false version of Christianity instead of one that is full of love, compassion, grace, forgiveness, and new life. It angers me when I hear people doing horrendous things in the name of God and Christ. But this, reading this, being reminded of what it's all about, brings me such confidence and joy in what I've learned and experienced, and it makes me so thankful that I have this faith, this relationship, this...goodness. God is good :)
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Make it matter
I am TIRED. I stayed up until 1am reading Harry Potter...probably later since I then kept looking at my laptop which prevented me from falling asleep. Le sigh. I did fall asleep on my own though which was exciting :) Tonight I need to pick up my apartment. It's mostly cosmetic, but I need to get it done so I don't have to wake up super early tomorrow as well.
Today that book talked about making weight loss and your fitness level matter. It asks if you've ever sat on the fence about it, and usually when you sit on the fence, you fall on the side of not caring. "Ambivalence is one of the biggest enemies of change. If you aren't sure you really want to take action on something such as your weight, ambivalence will usually win." It says when something becomes important, jumping to the task and getting things done become super easy. Like now that I'm hosting small group, cleaning up and hanging up my clothes seems so much more important than it has for the past three weeks :D
The book then talks about making your outcomes more important. It says to list ways weight affects your life and then rate on on importance from 1-10. It says then to push your numbers higher to a 7 or 8 (if they're low) to convince yourself that they're more important. I don't know if I'm going to do all that, but I do think that I'm going to at least list out how weight affects my life.
--My weight has made me be afraid to attempt WAAAAY too many things:
being more athletic, being more social, taking different classes, trying new hobbies, etc.
--My weight prevents me from looking the way I want to look in clothes
--My weight has prevented me from doing fun things like waterparks b/c I didn't want to wear a swimwuit
--My weight makes me feel unhealthy
--My weight has at times made me feel unlovable.
Basically, my weight has been a source of fear and excuses for all my life. And I hate that now that I realize it. And I'm not going to let it happen anymore.
I started reading in Hebrews today, which is a fairly...complicated(not sure that's the right word) book because it references the Old Testament alot. And I'm not really in a mood to jump into systematic theology at 7am in the morning :) I did find a verse though:
"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death--that is, the devil--and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." Hebrews 2:14-15
I just am loving references that I see about Jesus freeing people from fear. He purposely shared in our humanity and faced all the things that we face, so that he could destroy the things that bring us despair and hopelessness. So that he could free us. He destroyed him who holds the power of death and has freed us from fear of death. How powerful and wonderful is that? God is good, and he is faithful, and he cares deeply. He lived and died so that we can be free from fear, despair, anxiety, and most of all, death. That is an amazing and hard to swallow fact :)
Today that book talked about making weight loss and your fitness level matter. It asks if you've ever sat on the fence about it, and usually when you sit on the fence, you fall on the side of not caring. "Ambivalence is one of the biggest enemies of change. If you aren't sure you really want to take action on something such as your weight, ambivalence will usually win." It says when something becomes important, jumping to the task and getting things done become super easy. Like now that I'm hosting small group, cleaning up and hanging up my clothes seems so much more important than it has for the past three weeks :D
The book then talks about making your outcomes more important. It says to list ways weight affects your life and then rate on on importance from 1-10. It says then to push your numbers higher to a 7 or 8 (if they're low) to convince yourself that they're more important. I don't know if I'm going to do all that, but I do think that I'm going to at least list out how weight affects my life.
--My weight has made me be afraid to attempt WAAAAY too many things:
being more athletic, being more social, taking different classes, trying new hobbies, etc.
--My weight prevents me from looking the way I want to look in clothes
--My weight has prevented me from doing fun things like waterparks b/c I didn't want to wear a swimwuit
--My weight makes me feel unhealthy
--My weight has at times made me feel unlovable.
Basically, my weight has been a source of fear and excuses for all my life. And I hate that now that I realize it. And I'm not going to let it happen anymore.
I started reading in Hebrews today, which is a fairly...complicated(not sure that's the right word) book because it references the Old Testament alot. And I'm not really in a mood to jump into systematic theology at 7am in the morning :) I did find a verse though:
"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death--that is, the devil--and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." Hebrews 2:14-15
I just am loving references that I see about Jesus freeing people from fear. He purposely shared in our humanity and faced all the things that we face, so that he could destroy the things that bring us despair and hopelessness. So that he could free us. He destroyed him who holds the power of death and has freed us from fear of death. How powerful and wonderful is that? God is good, and he is faithful, and he cares deeply. He lived and died so that we can be free from fear, despair, anxiety, and most of all, death. That is an amazing and hard to swallow fact :)
Monday, March 15, 2010
weigh in
Today was weigh in day! I kinda knew what it was gonna be because I weighed myself at my mum's house and it came up with the same number. I figured my scale would register a bit lower, but was hoping that after I got my appetite back it wouldn't go up too much. And, it didn't. My weight today is 217.4. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I'm in the teens :) A little sickness helped, but hopefully I'll be able to maintain and keep on track. Here are the stats:
Jan 4th (start day) 246.6
Jan 11th (1st WI) 7.2 lost, 239.4
Jan 18th (2nd WI)2 lost, 237.4
Jan 25th (3rd WI) 1 lost, 236.4
Feb 1st (4th WI) 3.2 lost, 233.2
Feb 8th (5th WI) 4 lost, 229.2
Feb 15th (6th WI) 1 lost, 228.2
Feb 22nd (7th WI) 1.8 lost, 226.4
Mar 1st (8th WI) 5 lost, 221.4
Mar 8th (9th WI) missed...still 221.4
Mar 15th (10th WI) 4 lost, 217.4
29.2 lbs so far, 11.84%. Almost to the big 30! My goal for this next week is to of course lose, but mainly to maintain. I've lost a ton of weight already this month so I don't want to be unhealthy about it.
Jan 4th (start day) 246.6
Jan 11th (1st WI) 7.2 lost, 239.4
Jan 18th (2nd WI)2 lost, 237.4
Jan 25th (3rd WI) 1 lost, 236.4
Feb 1st (4th WI) 3.2 lost, 233.2
Feb 8th (5th WI) 4 lost, 229.2
Feb 15th (6th WI) 1 lost, 228.2
Feb 22nd (7th WI) 1.8 lost, 226.4
Mar 1st (8th WI) 5 lost, 221.4
Mar 8th (9th WI) missed...still 221.4
Mar 15th (10th WI) 4 lost, 217.4
29.2 lbs so far, 11.84%. Almost to the big 30! My goal for this next week is to of course lose, but mainly to maintain. I've lost a ton of weight already this month so I don't want to be unhealthy about it.
Motivation is a choice
I'm baaaaaaaaack. I woke up this morning feeling a little apprehensive. I'm somewhat nervous about getting back in the groove of work, but I have to do it. It's a good thing. I also am hosting group this Wednesday, so I have to get my house picked up and in good order. My mom helped me clean and vacuum the main apartments, and also cleaned my dishes when she was here--which was a big stress reliever. She is so good to me. So, I can focus on putting away and hanging up all of my clothes--which is a huge task--cleaning my bathroom, and picking up my living room. It's not at all daunting now that I look at what little I have to do--just have to motivate myself to do it :)
Speaking of motivation, that's what the chapter is about today, which, I feel is timely and right. The book says motivation: "provides the power behind all of your actions and helps you follow through with good intentions." It talks about how sometimes, it's easy to stay on track, get things, done, exercise, and meet our goals--motivation is just there. And then some days, our motivation just goes out the window. We don't seem to know why, it's just not there and you don't know how to summon it up.
"Motivation is a choice. You create it yourself through your thoughts, your self talk, and your attitude. Even when you don't have a shred of energy, you can access your motivation if you want to." This is a really good point, and I think it's great for me to hear. Motivation doesn't come out of thin air, it comes from within us. I am the only person who can get myself of the couch, out of my bed, and doing the things that I need to do. With this recent bout of being sick and panicky, I realized that if I didn't make myself get out of bed and try to be normal, I never would. I had to motivate myself and get myself going or I was just going to stay in the same spot. Which, would have been terrible for me.
The book says to help create motivation, you need to think up new ways to inspire it. If you want to cook your own meals, you can make a list of everything you need to do to accomplish that task: look up recipes, go to the grocery store, put out the things you need for the first meal, chop up your veggies....etc. Once you have your list, you just begin to do the things on it. I know it feels good for me to make lists and then check things off so...this is a good thought for me. In fact, when I started this little adventure, this was my list: Wake up, cruise the internet for awhile, read the book, read my bible, blog, exercise, eat breakfast, shower, make lunch, walk to work. It was pretty simple. And on some days I missed a step (eating breakfast was the main one), but I mostly kept to the list and that felt...good. Really good.
Anyway, today, I'm starting back with the lists. I should start doing this at work too now that I think about it. :)
"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one....We hear the some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies. Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and ear the bread they eat. And as for you, brothers, never tire of doing what is right...Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you." 2 Thess 2:3,11-13,16
I like the first verse. It just makes me feel safe and good, and...not vulnerable. God is so faithful to me, and it's good to remember and take hold of that. I was very interested in Paul's emphasis in this chapter on not eating what you have not earned, and doing your fair share of work, not being a burden on others, and not being lazy. I realized these past couple of weeks that I have been very lazy when it comes to being at my parents house. I leave dishes, I loaf around, and I really just expected them to cater to my needs or my friends needs. Not intentionally--and I was always (in my head or with my words) thankful for them, and the fact that they love having me and my friends over.
I think after having my mom over when I was sick, and her helping me clean and do my dirty work, and how that took so much stress off of me, I realized (guiltily) that I never did that willingly at my parents house. I just expected them to do it--it's their house right? What a terrible and ungrateful attitude I had! This past week I've done everything I can to help my mom, pick up after myself, and just show how thankful I am to have her. She was...shocked. Which makes me feel good, but also sad that I didn't realize this earlier. It was such a blessing to her, and it didn't even take that much effort on my part. I am so thankful for my family and consider myself very lucky--I need to SHOW that more often.
Wow I got off on a bit of a tangent haha. Anyway, I think Paul is indicating that when we're lazy, we become busybodies--up in other people's business and basically being involved in things we shouldn't be involved in. We all need to do our fair share. I like that emphasis. I like how he says "never tire of doing right." Sometimes it's hard, but it's so worth it :)
Lastly, I just love that it ended with pointing out that God is the Lord of peace and asking that he give his peace to all of the people. I love that God brings peace and comfort, and it has been a centerpiece to me getting better and recovering. God has brought me peace in my most difficult times, and I am very thankful for that :)
Speaking of motivation, that's what the chapter is about today, which, I feel is timely and right. The book says motivation: "provides the power behind all of your actions and helps you follow through with good intentions." It talks about how sometimes, it's easy to stay on track, get things, done, exercise, and meet our goals--motivation is just there. And then some days, our motivation just goes out the window. We don't seem to know why, it's just not there and you don't know how to summon it up.
"Motivation is a choice. You create it yourself through your thoughts, your self talk, and your attitude. Even when you don't have a shred of energy, you can access your motivation if you want to." This is a really good point, and I think it's great for me to hear. Motivation doesn't come out of thin air, it comes from within us. I am the only person who can get myself of the couch, out of my bed, and doing the things that I need to do. With this recent bout of being sick and panicky, I realized that if I didn't make myself get out of bed and try to be normal, I never would. I had to motivate myself and get myself going or I was just going to stay in the same spot. Which, would have been terrible for me.
The book says to help create motivation, you need to think up new ways to inspire it. If you want to cook your own meals, you can make a list of everything you need to do to accomplish that task: look up recipes, go to the grocery store, put out the things you need for the first meal, chop up your veggies....etc. Once you have your list, you just begin to do the things on it. I know it feels good for me to make lists and then check things off so...this is a good thought for me. In fact, when I started this little adventure, this was my list: Wake up, cruise the internet for awhile, read the book, read my bible, blog, exercise, eat breakfast, shower, make lunch, walk to work. It was pretty simple. And on some days I missed a step (eating breakfast was the main one), but I mostly kept to the list and that felt...good. Really good.
Anyway, today, I'm starting back with the lists. I should start doing this at work too now that I think about it. :)
"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one....We hear the some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies. Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and ear the bread they eat. And as for you, brothers, never tire of doing what is right...Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you." 2 Thess 2:3,11-13,16
I like the first verse. It just makes me feel safe and good, and...not vulnerable. God is so faithful to me, and it's good to remember and take hold of that. I was very interested in Paul's emphasis in this chapter on not eating what you have not earned, and doing your fair share of work, not being a burden on others, and not being lazy. I realized these past couple of weeks that I have been very lazy when it comes to being at my parents house. I leave dishes, I loaf around, and I really just expected them to cater to my needs or my friends needs. Not intentionally--and I was always (in my head or with my words) thankful for them, and the fact that they love having me and my friends over.
I think after having my mom over when I was sick, and her helping me clean and do my dirty work, and how that took so much stress off of me, I realized (guiltily) that I never did that willingly at my parents house. I just expected them to do it--it's their house right? What a terrible and ungrateful attitude I had! This past week I've done everything I can to help my mom, pick up after myself, and just show how thankful I am to have her. She was...shocked. Which makes me feel good, but also sad that I didn't realize this earlier. It was such a blessing to her, and it didn't even take that much effort on my part. I am so thankful for my family and consider myself very lucky--I need to SHOW that more often.
Wow I got off on a bit of a tangent haha. Anyway, I think Paul is indicating that when we're lazy, we become busybodies--up in other people's business and basically being involved in things we shouldn't be involved in. We all need to do our fair share. I like that emphasis. I like how he says "never tire of doing right." Sometimes it's hard, but it's so worth it :)
Lastly, I just love that it ended with pointing out that God is the Lord of peace and asking that he give his peace to all of the people. I love that God brings peace and comfort, and it has been a centerpiece to me getting better and recovering. God has brought me peace in my most difficult times, and I am very thankful for that :)
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