weigh innnnnnnnnn

I was not looking forward to weighing myself in today. Especially when I wake up and don't feel hungry. I always take that as a sign that I ate too much the day before. Don't know if that's true or not but I was nervous. I finally pulled myself out of bed...dragging my feet...noticing that even though I ran yesterday my muscles didn't feel sore (score!)...and plopped myself on my scale. Waiting...and then came the number. 219.6. I lost those stubborn 2-3 lbs that I've been struggling with for the past couple of weeks!!! I'm not counting last week's weigh in, because it was after not eating for 4 days and losing a bunch a water weight. My weight went right back up to 222 after 4 days. So, here are the stats from the beginning of the year to now:

Jan 4th (start day) 246.6
Jan 11th (1st WI) 7.2 lost, 239.4
Jan 18th (2nd WI)2 lost, 237.4
Jan 25th (3rd WI) 1 lost, 236.4
Feb 1st (4th WI) 3.2 lost, 233.2
Feb 8th (5th WI) 4 lost, 229.2
Feb 15th (6th WI) 1 lost, 228.2
Feb 22nd (7th WI) 1.8 lost, 226.4
Mar 1st (8th WI) 5 lost, 221.4
Mar 8th (9th WI) missed...still 221.4
Mar 15th (10th WI) 4 lost, 217.4
Mar 22nd (11th WI) 3.4 gained, 220.8
Mar 29th (12th WI) 1.2 gained, 222
April 5th (13 WI) 2.4 lost, 219.6
April 12th (14th WI) .2 gained, 219.8
April 26th (15th WI) .2 gained, 220
(Fell of the wagon a bit...)
June 28th (16th WI) 2 gained, 222
July 6th (17th WI) .4 lost, 221.6
July 12th (18th WI) skipped
July 24th (19th WI) 2 lost, 219.6

I'm officially DONE being in the 220s for good this time. I'm done struggling with 222! I'm so happy I'm back in the 210s...and I don't plan on staying there very long. I'm so proud of myself!

WoOoO!

I finished week 3 of c25k. I'm super stoked that I'm keeping with this. I had a carnival day with the kids and I was expecting to be tired and not want to go. I was a bit tired, but I decided that since I packed my stuff I might as well go and then I wouldn't have to haul myself out of my apartment to go running tomorrow. It felt really good to complete it, although I was pretty wheezy near the end. I didn't push myself to go further than usual today--on Wednesday we were out there for 1.5 hours--it was way too hot and I think I was just...tired from all the goings on. But I completed it. I did it by myself-I am proud of my dedication and hard work! Tomorrow is my new weigh in day (eesh!) but I just weighed myself after I got home from work, and I was already down on the scale. Here's hoping it'll last tonight and more will come off before tomorrow morning :)

I've been feeling really good--I've been noticing more endurance, and more muscles forming. I hit my calf today and it didn't jiggle like it normally does. My shirts and pants are feeling looser, and although I haven't seen too much budging on the scale, I know I'm gaining more muscle :)  I love the new friends that I'm making and new workout buddies that I have, but sometimes I wish that I had my close friends supporting me and doing this with me. I dunno, there's just something about being with someone you know that takes the pressure off and helps you to just...go. I mean with Alisha, she's like my coach, a personal trainer...she pushes me--but I know I'm holding her back. She can definitely run longer than I can :) I'm thankful that she's willing to run with me, and she's totally cool--so encouraging, so amazing, I love running with her. Sometimes though, I'd like to not be the only one breathing hard with a purple face at the end haha. Anyway! I just gotta work with what I got. Sparkpeople has been an amazing resource for me for not only tracking/fitness but also for community and encouragement. I'm gonna keep going no matter what. Thanks to all those people who have stuck with me, and lent words of encouragement. I'm glad to have you all by my side :)

Unhook the chains

Let me tell ya--my body is SOOOOORREEEE and tired today. Now that I really think about it...mostly tired. The 8 hours of sleep I got last night didn't feel like 8 hours when my alarm went off. Maybe I still need to catch up on sleep. I'm still gonna work out this morning though--gotta stay dedicated right?

Today the book talked about finding and breaking the link to emotional eating. It talks about reaching for a piece of candy at one minute, then later in the day eating some cookies because you're frustrated about the fact that you ate those damn candies...and before you know it you've drowned yourself in food. "Struggles with emotional eating rarely happen in isolation. If your finances are already stretched, the broken washing machine adds another simply adds another layer to your anxiety." 178 The author encourages you to start figuring out what led to the first instance of emotional eating. Was it because you were upset with your boss? Was it because you got too hungry? She encourages you to find the source, so you can set up solutions and ways to avoid and handle the desire to eat out of emotions the next time.

On a completely different topic--I need to start tracking my calories and making sure there's diversity in my diet more--mainly the tracking my calories. I think that I'm either snacking too much, or I'm not eating enough calories for the amount of time I'm working out. Whatever it is, I know I'll pinpoint it with the tracking of the calories. I'm eating waaaaaaay healthier these days, and I'm really happy about that. :)

Okie dokie, time to work out...

mmmmmmmm running

Had an amazing running workout once again with alisha. She's always pushing me to do more than I think I can and I get such a high when I actually do it. I think I push myself...when I tell her what I did she's like "ok, let's do more..." and I always whine a little but it's nice to have her running with me--she makes me feel like a runner and she's always giving me advice. I love that girl! I think starting in 2 weeks we're going to start running greenlake...eek! I'm nervous but excited. We ran for 1.5 hours today. my body is sore but loving it :) Ok, I've been going to bed way too late and not getting enough sleep so I'm heading off now. Here's to waking up early and working out in the morning!

week 3 day 1 down!

I completed week 3 day 1--and I did more than I was supposed to which...is exciting! I was going to go by time, but I think distance is better for me because I can run 400 yards faster than 3 minutes. I decided that I wasn't going to go by the music, instead I was just going to try to run as much as possible--so I ran once around the track, walked a little more than halfway around, ran again around the track, walked, and then ran off and on around the track for 2 more laps, and then all the way back to the club. I was hoping that 400 yards would be 1 loop around the track and lo and behold it is! So, I've realized 2 valuable things--I can run faster than I thought, and I can do this--I'm doing it! So excited. I love this brave new me :)

Get a new title

I'm on day 80 of this book. I've only been reading it since January--guess you might say I took a little break :) I'm feeling weird this morning...I want to use the word ominous but that just makes me feel a little fearful. I don't know what it is, but I'm damn ready to shake it off and have a good day. There's so much to get done and all I want to do is stay home and read :) The feeling could also be the book I'm reading...it's really good, but it's about the civil rights era and some of the terrible things that happen to people during that time just makes my stomach turn. I think I might just be waiting for the next bad thing to happen...plus I think I've been getting anxious dreams from the books I've been reading too. Anyway, I'm going to stop focusing on that and finish up this blog.

Today the book talked about changing your name. Many people call themselves fat, lazy, slob, and pig, and I don't know about you, but usually negative feedback does not motivate me--especially from myself. If I get on the scale and it hasn't moved and I say "ugh, you're such a failure" it makes it harder for me during the day--not easier. The book suggests you come up with a different name for yourself that "describes you without referring to weight or size." 175 I was trying to think of things like "fit, healthy, strong" etc., but I think I've found one...only because it made me want to cry a little. My new descriptor is "brave."

For so long I've lived a life of fear in regards to so many things. I've failed to attempt out of fear, and I've been unwilling to give things a chance because of fear. One of the areas that I was afraid of was being healthy. I thought to myself "what if I don't lose weight?" "What if I still look bad even when I do lose weight?" What if this, and what if that. There seems to be doubt lurking around every corner, but I finally did it. I finally stood up to fear this past January and said "no." I guess I decided that for one of the first times in my life, I was going to be brave for me. I was going to stand up for me. I was going to love...me. And as I've come halfway through this journey with some failures and many more successes, I'm going to be brave and continue to fight for me.

This is my life, and I'm unwilling to let it wither and die in an unhappy state because I'm afraid. I'm going to be brave. I have been brave, and I'm going to continue to be brave for as long as I can breathe.

"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." Colossians 1:13-14

Why bravery? Because I have someone who backs me and loves me unconditionally. Because I have a rescuer, who despite my faults and failings, still loves me. And not only does he love me, he cares about the details of my life. He helps me battle over disappointment on the scale, he gives me self control and strengthens me when I want to buy and gobble down sugary sweets. He cares. And not just in the over reaching, vague kind of way. He cares intimately about every detail of my life. He rejoices in my victories and he stands with me in my sorrows. And he's saved me from darkness and despair when I couldn't pull myself out of it. How can I not be brave when I have a friend like that? God is good.

Goals, goals, and more goals

I'm sitting here in my newly redesigned and cleaned living room, and I'm thinking that life, is good. I mean, it's really good. I've having a great summer, my credit score is well in the 700s (just found that out a couple of days ago and I'm still excited :)), I'm meeting new people, and reconnecting with lost friends, I'm planning travel, and I'm relaxing. I dunno, it's just been really good. I'm steadily cutting drama out of my life and giving negative, down people less time. I'm taking a lot of time for me, and I think I've found a good balance.

The only thing missing to be honest--is a firm, trusted group of friends of the same faith as me. That community is something that I miss on occasion. The last small group I was in was ok, but not exactly what I think I want for the long term--it doesn't hurt to try though right? I'm glad I met those people, and it's only confirmed what I need/want/desire in life.

Anyway, so I made (and devoured) a really yummy breakfast sandwich (mmmmm bacon) with cherries and now I'm sipping on tea, wondering a)how I'm going to tie up loose ends and responsibilities today, and b)how I'm going to keep going and achieve my goals.

Today--
I'm going to get a whiteboard for my door so I can have visual reminders of things I want to do everyday--such as take my vitamins, drink a least 27 oz of water before I leave, eat breakfast, make lunch, exercise, and as a weekly goal--have a relatively clean house. I like the idea of checking that stuff off and for things like vitamins, the visual reminder is exactly what I need.
As far as the cleaning, I find that when my apartment is picked up, I feel much less stressed out and relaxed. I wanna make a little "chore list" so I can spread out my housecleaning stuff over the week so it doesn't get overwhelming after I don't do them for weeks at a time. I also want to have one for THE apartments so I'm keeping up with maintaining the common areas in a responsible way. So...yea. A white board.

I also need to go through ALL of my mail, hang up ALL of my clothes, do as much laundry as possible, and sweep, mop, and vacuum THE apartments.

New exercise goals:

I was talking with Alisha and she was saying how your body needs time to repair itself between workouts and breaks help it repair better so you come back stronger. I've had a goal of working out 6 days a week and doing running, ddr, and strength training intensely. Well I think I'm going to change things around with my workouts (shocking I know...I change things pretty regularly ;) ) So anyway, I think I'm going to do my running on MWF--still right after work, but it doesn't kick itself into the weekends. I'm going to do a combination of DDR/strength training on Tues/Thurs, and on the weekends--I'm going to make sure I walk and get 10,000 steps in, but I'm not going to necessarily do a strict workout. That way, over the weekend my body can repair and get ready for the week again.

So, I think I'm going to also change my weigh in day to Saturday. I'm really loathe to do this as I'm a creature of habit and feel like it's "cheating" to change my weigh in day for some reason (Monday just seems to be the beginning of the week and so it means I should begin with my new weight...I dunno I'm weird). Anyway, I think with the new workout routine it'll just be better. I'm sure whatever day I weigh myself on, as long as it's consistent, will work, but for some reason I feel like weighing myself AFTER my "rest days" might result in a higher weight...ugh I gotta stop being so WEIGHT focused.

Anyway, that's the new plan. The eating healthy/not eating out/cooking at home thing is staying the same. I'm just tweaking the exercise a bit :) Ok, time to get going with my day!

Live as a "healthy" person

Today the book talked about being tired of eating another piece of grilled chicken, or another salad, and how sometimes we might think that we want to eat like a "normal" person. It cautions against using words like that because a lot of "normal" people eat crappy food. I mean, Americans are famous for eating krispie kreme burgers and fat fried in fat :) Is that what we want? Do we want to be "normal?" The book goes on to say that instead of thinking in terms of "thin or skinny" we should think in terms of "healthy." Many thin people are not necessarily healthy. "Instead of aiming to be thin, consider using words such as healthy, fit, active, balanced, or strong." pg 172 It says to start thinking in terms of what healthy people might do. What does a healthy person eat? How active are they?

I think we've always heard this but I like hearing it even more as I'm training to run a 5k and trying to be stronger and healthier. When I lost the 10lbs when I was sick--I felt thin, but I felt sick. When I was healthy enough to get back to running, almost all that weight had come back on, but I felt strong, and healthy. Adam asked me (when I was still not eating very much) if I was doing it on purpose to keep the weight off, and I of course said no indignantly because I don't think I have the willpower not to eat :) But, I gotta say, I'd rather weigh more, and be strong, then be thin, and feel weak, tired, fatigued, and hungry all the time.

The book has activities that it suggest that you do, and usually I don't do them cause they're corny or I'm already kinda doing it, but I want to do this one. It wants you to make a stick person (in this case there will be no person but you get the picture) and label it "A Healthy ___
and then write how you can be healthy in areas of your life like family, eating, exercise, relationships, work, and fun.

A Healthy Tiffany
Family--Visiting and spending time with my parents at least once a month. Writing my brother in Korea. Keeping in contact with my extended family and trying to make it to events in their lives.

Relationships--Staying strong and not letting negative relationships into my life. Keeping a balance with friends I work with. Talking with and encouraging the friends in my life. Making regular contact with people so they know I care. Investing in new relationships, and cutting down gossip/drama within relationships. Making an effort to build and maintain current relationships despite the busyness of my life.

Work--Being a team player. Work with staff to have a diverse and fun program. Smile more :) Try to be more patient with the kiddos who try my patience every day. Have a checklist to make sure I get what I NEED to get done done. Prioritize more.

Fun--Continue with the new relationships that I've developed. Yay game nights and the new book club. Read more books :) Poker nights! Find hobbies outside of diet and exercise that I can stick with. Go canoeing more often! Find ways to travel more in and out of state. Keep in contact with friends and initiate fun stuff with friends. Continue with the things that are fun for me--especially shopping :) Diversify and try new things!

Eating--Keep buying and using groceries. Have loads of fruits and veggies on hand for snacks. Don't deprive, just be moderate. Take vitamins (argh!). Make sure I get the right amount of good proteins, fats, and carbs. Drink more water--kick diet soda out of my life completely again. Drink more Honey Vanilla Chamomile tea (mmmmmm). Track my calories (as much as possible). Say no to caffeine (I've found that I feel really weird on it...especially with coffee). Eat bacon (moderately)! Cook at home. Be proactive in having food prepped so I have no excuses. Eat breakfast more often.

Exercise--Run, run, run! I love running :) Figure out the balance between aerobic/strength training and how to best facilitate getting leaner and stronger. Keep running with my buddy! 5k,5k,5k in September! DDR. Swim more during the summer. Join a gym once my massage membership is complete (January 2011). Play gym games with kids whenever I get a chance. Make excuses to go up and down the stairs at work. Laugh. Alot.

So those are my goals. Those are the things that I feel make a healthy me, and will keep me on track. I'll probably think of more, and I want to do something visual in my apartment to see, but I'm liking where I'm going with this!

Can't forget faith--reacquaint myself with people who share the same beliefs I do. Be apart of a meaningful community. Keep myself connected to the Bible...not in a legalistic way, but in a open, learning way.

The last chapter in Ephesians talks about putting on the full armor of God. I feel that these goals, and expressions of who I want to be is apart of the armor. It's a part of the full life that I have been called to have, and it works in partnership with my faith and everything that I believe. God has been faithful to me all my life, and I really want to make sure I make him central, first, before all other things...because without him...I'm just not a good. And by "good" I mean...on point, happy, fulfilled. Without his peace and contact, I always begin to feel...discouraged and desperate. I find that the times in which I focus on my relationship with him and making time for him, my mindset changes. I dunno, but God is good whether or not I am...and I'm going to stick with him :)