breaking new ground

Really quick cause I gotta work out. New girl Maggie in group is great. She has an amazing house. At the end of group yesterday the four of us "younger" people ended up drinking wine (myself most of it haha) watching Ben's freaky card tricks, talking about the most random things...including match.com...and watching a movie. I didn't get home until 1230 and we were all like "yay this was a good time." We're all in general consensus that we want to do that more. I'm hoping it'll happen :)

Kick the Can't

Today that book basically talked about reworking your vocabulary. The words you speak to yourself can have a powerful impact on what you do and don't do. When you say "I can't" you usually follow through and...don't. So instead of saying "I can't," the book suggest you say "hard but not impossible" and "i'll find a way" "maybe I could." For example: instead of saying "I can't stop eating tons of candy" I could say "It's hard but not impossible to avoid eating a ton of candy; I'll find a way. Maybe I could eat a small portioned amount and substitute fresh fruit instead for my cravings."

If Not Food Then What?

Ok, I just gotta be honest and say I'm having a hard time getting motivated to make my own dinners thus eat healthy. I'm not eating super craptastically, but I'm eating crappy enough that I feel bad about it. Monday I ate out, yesterday, I ate most of the leftovers from Monday, had 2 scoops of gelato, AND ate a big ol' bowl of honeycomb rather compulsively after dinner last night. The interesting thing is is that I thought quickly about those things before I did them, but in all of the circumstances, I really really wanted to do it and no thinking on my part would have convinced me. It's funny how the brain works. Or at least mine.

Anyway, I'm still working out everyday (yes), but I do want to get the eating thing back under...reasonable control. And yes, I'm not eating awfully, but I just want to eat better. For my sanity. To know that I'm doing my part in this whole thing. I don't want to gain all the weight back, and I don't just wanna stay at this size. I wanna keep going. I was telling Abbi last night that it's really hard for me to think of what I'll be like...thinner. Because I've never been thin. Ever. I always felt chunky as a child (although I wasn't), and when I went through puberty I just got bigger and bigger. So, I've never had a "thin" moment. I guess it's really hard for me to work towards something when I don't know what the ultimate outcome will be. Sigh. I need to keep going. I will keep going. One day at a time :)

Today the book talked about what to replace food with as important. It said to make a list of 10 things that are important to me, and put food on the top, then move it to the bottom and replace it with something else. I'm just gonna start fresh.

1. My family (Loving them and SHOWING my love and appreciation for them. Seeing them more often)
2. My friends (Investing time and energy into them...being more proactive. Making new friends)
3. My job (Getting back on the horse. Finding passion and purpose...)
4. My faith (Living true to it and growing daily in it)
5. My physical image (Shopping, clothes fitting right on me, having a soft but fit body)
6. Athleticism (Trying more sports/physical activities...tapdancing?)
7. Education (What to do next...ah!)
8. Learning new hobby (Currently cardmaking/scrapbooking)
9. Cooking (Learning and trying new recipes. Expanding my horizons or at least trying new things that fit into what I like now.)
10. Getting out of debt/saving money (Pretty self explanatory. Being a financially stable person)

So those are the things that are currently important to me. They're not really in any order. I think yesterday something clicked for me at work. I don't know I've been walking around in this hazy cloud of doubt and newness and...I don't even know how to describe it...maybe the fact that I had all these dreams and desires and then the disillusionment of seeing how I couldn't accomplish everything at once kinda got me down. Then being sick...I don't know. But yesterday, something just clicked and I got excited again. I realized that this is what I want and it's going to be a day at a time but I'm going to fucking tackle it and when I'm through, it's going to be great. But it's going to...take time. A lot of time. And time is what I have. And I'm going to use it effectively. And I'm not gonna sweat the small stuff. And I'm going to do all I can to make sure the kids feel loved and appreciated.

Anyway. I was thinking this exercise was kinda lame but maybe it was just what I needed :)

"Because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them" Heb. 7:24-25

I love that line, "because he always lives to intercede for them." He lives to save us to to plea on our behalf. He died and lived so that we could have a better life, and a better chance. Good stuff.

Alright. I'm going to let Jillian kick my butt once again. Sigh.

Food-Important or Not?

Oh holy moly my body is aching today! my arms, my calves, ugh. Jillian apparently really kicked my ass yesterday. I don't wanna get out of bed :) I think I'm finally trying to catch up on my sleep cause all I seem to want to do is sleep these days :) Anyway, on to le book!

The author asks if you constantly think about food. If when you're eating lunch you're thinking about what's for dinner, or snack or whatever. She says that you have to stop making food the center of your life and decide what food you deem important, and what food will just be...food I guess.

"When you get into your car, you don't expect every trip to be inspiring or memorable. Sometimes you just need to go to the store or the post office. In the same way, eating doesn't always have to be especially fun or exciting. Lots of times, food will be quite mundane, but since it's providing fuel, you have to eat it anyway. Instead of fretting about boring food, just label it as unimportant."

I...don't really think I fret about boring food. I don't know, for me, food has always been food. There are a couple of meals I get excited about--like my dad's ribs, but generally it really is a "gotta eat cause I'm hungry" kind of thing. Now that I'm not eating out though, I'm finding it hard to cook at home. Last night I went to Kates with a friend and though I thought briefly of getting a salad, I ended up getting a bbq pork wrap instead--much tastier eh? AND they ended up giving me a huge side of onion rings too which was bad news. I didn't eat it all, but I do need to start making better choices like I did before.

oh yea

I want to do strength training to build muscles and so I can be leaner, but I also want to do some arm work. I am in a size L at Old Navy now--even with button up shirts! However, my friggen arms are still too chubby so it fits in the body, but the arms are super tight. I noticed that in some jackets and stuff that I wanted to try at Ross too. So, I'm going to slim down these flabby arms once and for all! It's so frustrating when everything but my arms fit. Sigh. One day, these arms will be proportional to my body. One day!

oh strength training!

I think I said when I lost 10% of my weight, I would start strength training. Well the first time I hit it I was sick. Then I lost 4 lbs and now I've pretty much gained that back which means, I'm back at 10% of my weight...well 10.46% to be exact. So, I started a strength training regimen today.

It's not purely strength training, but I think it's going to do the job. I'm doing Jillian Michael's 30 day shred in addition to 45 minutes of cardio with the DDR. Jillian does this 3-2-1 circuit training that is 3 minutes of strength training, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute of ab work. The combo is supposed to make you lose weight faster and get your body in shape. It has 3, 20 minutes levels (beginner, intermediate, advanced.

So I read reviews on this and some people were like "oh, level one is waaaay too easy for me" and others were like "holy shit it kicked my ass." Since I've been working out for 3 months, I thought I'd be in the "waaaaaaay too easy for me" level. I was wrong. Sigh. I was pretty much in the "kicked my ass" category. She doesn't allow you to stop, and the moves make your body burn. I was only using 2 lb weights and was STILL getting a good workout...and I was doing some modified movements too haha. Like with pushups...I STILL cannot do a regular pushup. But one day I will!

So I'm going to start doing this every day. I like that it's 20 minutes, and that it incorporates all 3 areas. We'll see how my body shapes up :)

weigh in

Ah the gloriousness of being sick and being able to eat like a human being again. The problem with that is every day I ate out. And ate fries and mozzarella sticks and candy and all sorts of deliciousness. Which, I'm ok with. There's nothing like being able to CHOOSE to eat and enjoy your food. When I was sick, there was no choice. So, last week I chose to not pay attention to my food choices. My period is close too, but, I don't have that much to complain about. This was my first "gain" but, I'm ok with that considering the circumstances: 220.8. Back into the 20s, but not for long!

Jan 4th (start day) 246.6
Jan 11th (1st WI) 7.2 lost, 239.4
Jan 18th (2nd WI)2 lost, 237.4
Jan 25th (3rd WI) 1 lost, 236.4
Feb 1st (4th WI) 3.2 lost, 233.2
Feb 8th (5th WI) 4 lost, 229.2
Feb 15th (6th WI) 1 lost, 228.2
Feb 22nd (7th WI) 1.8 lost, 226.4
Mar 1st (8th WI) 5 lost, 221.4
Mar 8th (9th WI) missed...still 221.4
Mar 15th (10th WI) 4 lost, 217.4
Mar 22nd (11th WI) 3.4 gained, 220.8

It's not the right time

Today the book talked about whether it is the right time or not for me to diet. There are certain times when you will not be successful, and then certain times when you need to just ch-ch-choose to do it. Ok side note, ever since the whole "choose to" vs. "have to" I've had the "I ch-ch-choose you" phrase stuck in my head. You know the phrase from the kids valentines with the train on it? Haha I love it.

Anyway, timing is a big factor. Major life issues (divorce, moving, etc.) not a good time to diet. I would include being sick too :) "Is something in life demanding a huge amount of time and energy right now?" Then you probably don't have the energy to plan and to diet. Hold off, and start when the timing is right.

If you're just living your life and it seems busy and full, it doesn't necessarily mean it's not the right time. And the book says it's ok if you decide that losing weight isn't on the top of your priority list even when you do have time. It has to become important to you. This year, losing weight and being healthy has become really important to me. All the years before, it was like "meh" but I really have sensed a change in attitude, motivation, and purpose this year. Timing is everything.

Still reading in Hebrews. Chapter 5 was short and I don't have much to say on it :)

ahhhhh motivation!

i have no motivation to do this clothes project. Yes, I love losing weight. Yes I love feeling healthy and awesome. I still hate hanging up my clothes. And I am not going to relish having to go through all my clothes and try them on. Sigh. I just gave a garbage bag away to my mom and donated a bunch to goodwill and I still have an exorbitant amount. Sigh. Ok, I'm doing this. Now.