Ok, so I'm back. With a realization, which is, I can't do this on my own. Last year when I embarked on this journey, it was a mutual journey of faith, trust, and asking God to help me with my weight loss. And looking back, he totally did. I'm not saying that I haven't been as successful this year because I haven't asked for help but, I'm kinda saying that. Because guess what? He's helped me with EVERYTHING that I'm asked him to help me with. He's provided me with EVERYTHING that I've needed. So, I'm back. With a renewed sense of who I am, where my focus is, and knowing that I have someone to back me and help me in every single way (people and faithwise :) )
So I'm starting on Day 11 of the 100 days of weight loss, because, well, it's a good refresher. Today the book talked about eating should be reserved for 2 things: fueling your body, and appreciating flavors. Anything other than that is generally eating your feelings. It talks about choosing the right fuel, and how regular fueling (5-6 times a day) is better for your body. I kinda like to think of it as, well, real fuel. Your car runs so much better, and gets better gas mileage, when you gas it up regularly and don't let it get lower than 1/4 of a tank. Same thing with your body--keeping it hydrated, and sufficiently fueled helps your body go a longer way. One thing that I know I need to work on is finding flavor outside of salt and artificial stuff. I want to learn more about spices and herbs and how to to make things taste amazing.
Ok, I'm off to do Jillian Michaels. I need to get my butt in gear for this 10k!!!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
And...Back
Have you missed me? I've been cheating on this blog with another one theabsurdextent but I'm back. I realized that this is where I started with my weight loss journey, and I'm going to continue here. Other general life stuff will be logged on the other one :)
So I'm restarting the 100 Days of Weight Loss book, and I was going to do a strict 100 days of reading and writing. Then I realized, that that's not for me. The whole point of this journey is not adhering to strict rules and deadlines, but finding what works for you, and realizing that there are going to be hiccups--and you just gotta get back on the horse again. I gave myself an end date, but really, there is not end date. The day that I finish the book will be my end date--and I'll celebrate those 100 days that I was (and will continue to be) committed to healthy living.
And of course Day 4 would be talking about boundaries, not diets. The author talks about how we need to look at our journey as a road. "During times when you're strong and focused on your diet, you move the boundaries closer together, making the road narrower. When you take a break from your program or work on maintenance, you widen the boundaries and allow more variety in your plan. But even on a really bad day, you never eliminate the road or get off of it completely." pg 9. The whole "stick to it or else" plan never really works for me. I need to be nicer to myself and allow myself to have wider boundaries and also to discipline myself with narrower boundaries as well. I think the biggest thing for me to remember is not to let go of boundaries completely. When I say "forget it" it means that I'm offroad, stuck, not moving ahead. And that is not good.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matt 6:33 Very famous verse in the Bible talking about how God will take care of your basic needs if we seek the kingdom. What is the kingdom? The kingdom is all about peace. It's about the end of war, tears, poverty, homelessness, crime. It's about love, and sharing, and forgiveness and reconciliation. It's about those life changing things that really make a difference in people's lives. It's about hope. Instead of worry about what I'm going to wear tomorrow, I should be seeking to bring about the goodness of the kingdom to the people around me. How am I sowing love, forgiveness, and reconciliation into people's lives? Am I trying to put a stop to violence, homelessness, and hunger? Basic questions to ask myself...and to act on.
So I'm restarting the 100 Days of Weight Loss book, and I was going to do a strict 100 days of reading and writing. Then I realized, that that's not for me. The whole point of this journey is not adhering to strict rules and deadlines, but finding what works for you, and realizing that there are going to be hiccups--and you just gotta get back on the horse again. I gave myself an end date, but really, there is not end date. The day that I finish the book will be my end date--and I'll celebrate those 100 days that I was (and will continue to be) committed to healthy living.
And of course Day 4 would be talking about boundaries, not diets. The author talks about how we need to look at our journey as a road. "During times when you're strong and focused on your diet, you move the boundaries closer together, making the road narrower. When you take a break from your program or work on maintenance, you widen the boundaries and allow more variety in your plan. But even on a really bad day, you never eliminate the road or get off of it completely." pg 9. The whole "stick to it or else" plan never really works for me. I need to be nicer to myself and allow myself to have wider boundaries and also to discipline myself with narrower boundaries as well. I think the biggest thing for me to remember is not to let go of boundaries completely. When I say "forget it" it means that I'm offroad, stuck, not moving ahead. And that is not good.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matt 6:33 Very famous verse in the Bible talking about how God will take care of your basic needs if we seek the kingdom. What is the kingdom? The kingdom is all about peace. It's about the end of war, tears, poverty, homelessness, crime. It's about love, and sharing, and forgiveness and reconciliation. It's about those life changing things that really make a difference in people's lives. It's about hope. Instead of worry about what I'm going to wear tomorrow, I should be seeking to bring about the goodness of the kingdom to the people around me. How am I sowing love, forgiveness, and reconciliation into people's lives? Am I trying to put a stop to violence, homelessness, and hunger? Basic questions to ask myself...and to act on.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
sleepy day
Today I got up and went to work! Although it wasn't that bad :) I had to take 6 kids to an educational competition, and I got to lead a math tournament. It was really fun, I wasn't stressed at all, and the kiddos had a great time. And, there was a really great showing of kids from other clubs, so that was good.
I came home, and after catching up on the latest new on facebook, I settled back into bed with my book. I read for an hour (or maybe it was 30 minutes) and then fell back asleep. Glorious :) I know, I know, it was a beautiful day, but I felt like I could squander it a little since I'll be experiencing Hawaii in the next couple of days. I woke up, made dinner (pepperoni salad...inventive I know ;) ), and then I had some reflective time. It was really nice, and although I won't go into all of it, let's just say that life changes other than weight are going into effect and I'm pretty ready for those things to happen.
Anyway, I did yoga! Woohoo! That's another day of exercise--12 in a row actually :) I'm pretty proud of that :) I don't know if or when I'll incorporate rest days in there (I know I want to finish at least 1 month of working out every day), but I know my body will enjoy a rest. I guess once I start running again as exercise that'll trigger the rest days. We will see when I get there. Right now, I focused on the here and now and this goal :)
"Instead of depending on others to help you be successful with your diet, make a commitment that you will protect your program at all costs." 100 days of weight loss
Today the book talked about readying yourself for tempting situations, and appropriate responses to people offering you food. I think a simple "no thanks" is fine, but the author suggested saying "not just yet, I'm going to wait a little while" and then just not eat what they offer. I'm of the mindset that a little bit of a something worthwhile, unique, and delicious is fine. I'm just going to be picky about what I eat. An oreo? no thanks. A homemade oatmeal chocolate cookie? Ok, I'll split one...or even have one of my own. I dunno, it just works for me.
She also talked about knowing when trigger points are for you--mine is the weekend, especially chill, low key weekends. When I have stuff planned, I eat less. When I have a lazy day in front of me, I snack, snack, snack. I've been working on eating only when I'm hungry, and saying no to sweets in general. I find they cause me to want to eat more, so I try to stay away. Usually, popsicles and low fat ice cream sandwiches would disappear in a week. My popsicles have survived 2 weeks and counting :) I'm proud of that. That I've gone from grabbing a popsicle whenever I had the inclination, to asking myself 'do I really need that?" to not even thinking about it half the time. Ah habits. Gotta love em :)
Chapter 6 of Matthew is pretty much about worry about what other people think. Mostly doing things so other people will think you're awesome, example in the Bible are--giving, praying, fasting. Jesus said to do these things not for others to see. Which, for some people negates the whole reason for doing them because what else is there but praise from others and people thinking you're pretty damn holy and cool? Believe me I've been there. He basically says if you do it for others and their praise, you get your rewards right then. But if you do it because it's just right to do, and don't make a show of it, you will get much more in the way of rewards from God. Which, of course rewards aren't the point but there ya go.
And in the end there's that section on worrying about food, water, clothing, shelter, and how we should worry about those either. Because guess what? God provides. He always has and always will. Me planning and working and being smart about finances? That's fine. Me being wrapped up in money an obsessing about the future and spending every minute consumed with what's going to happen next...a little much. His suggestion? Focus on him. Seek him. Forgive, love, give, pray. And everything else that you need, that we needlessly worry about, will be given and provided. God is faithful, and good, and just. :)
I came home, and after catching up on the latest new on facebook, I settled back into bed with my book. I read for an hour (or maybe it was 30 minutes) and then fell back asleep. Glorious :) I know, I know, it was a beautiful day, but I felt like I could squander it a little since I'll be experiencing Hawaii in the next couple of days. I woke up, made dinner (pepperoni salad...inventive I know ;) ), and then I had some reflective time. It was really nice, and although I won't go into all of it, let's just say that life changes other than weight are going into effect and I'm pretty ready for those things to happen.
Anyway, I did yoga! Woohoo! That's another day of exercise--12 in a row actually :) I'm pretty proud of that :) I don't know if or when I'll incorporate rest days in there (I know I want to finish at least 1 month of working out every day), but I know my body will enjoy a rest. I guess once I start running again as exercise that'll trigger the rest days. We will see when I get there. Right now, I focused on the here and now and this goal :)
"Instead of depending on others to help you be successful with your diet, make a commitment that you will protect your program at all costs." 100 days of weight loss
Today the book talked about readying yourself for tempting situations, and appropriate responses to people offering you food. I think a simple "no thanks" is fine, but the author suggested saying "not just yet, I'm going to wait a little while" and then just not eat what they offer. I'm of the mindset that a little bit of a something worthwhile, unique, and delicious is fine. I'm just going to be picky about what I eat. An oreo? no thanks. A homemade oatmeal chocolate cookie? Ok, I'll split one...or even have one of my own. I dunno, it just works for me.
She also talked about knowing when trigger points are for you--mine is the weekend, especially chill, low key weekends. When I have stuff planned, I eat less. When I have a lazy day in front of me, I snack, snack, snack. I've been working on eating only when I'm hungry, and saying no to sweets in general. I find they cause me to want to eat more, so I try to stay away. Usually, popsicles and low fat ice cream sandwiches would disappear in a week. My popsicles have survived 2 weeks and counting :) I'm proud of that. That I've gone from grabbing a popsicle whenever I had the inclination, to asking myself 'do I really need that?" to not even thinking about it half the time. Ah habits. Gotta love em :)
Chapter 6 of Matthew is pretty much about worry about what other people think. Mostly doing things so other people will think you're awesome, example in the Bible are--giving, praying, fasting. Jesus said to do these things not for others to see. Which, for some people negates the whole reason for doing them because what else is there but praise from others and people thinking you're pretty damn holy and cool? Believe me I've been there. He basically says if you do it for others and their praise, you get your rewards right then. But if you do it because it's just right to do, and don't make a show of it, you will get much more in the way of rewards from God. Which, of course rewards aren't the point but there ya go.
And in the end there's that section on worrying about food, water, clothing, shelter, and how we should worry about those either. Because guess what? God provides. He always has and always will. Me planning and working and being smart about finances? That's fine. Me being wrapped up in money an obsessing about the future and spending every minute consumed with what's going to happen next...a little much. His suggestion? Focus on him. Seek him. Forgive, love, give, pray. And everything else that you need, that we needlessly worry about, will be given and provided. God is faithful, and good, and just. :)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
even when I don't feel like it
Today, oh today, was a "I don't want to workout" kind of day. I was sore from yoga, my body felt tired, and I just wanted to sleep a little more, cruise around sparkpeople a little bit more, anything except exercise. But I have to remember what it means to be committed...and what it means is that I stay on track even when I don't feel like it. I'm proud of myself and I'm tired :)
"Like it or not, to lose weight, you have to follow some type of system. Your plan can be quite rigid and meticulous, or as simple as deciding you'll eat less and increase your level of exercise. Instead of getting stuck on the word 'diet,' learn to think of it was setting 'boundaries' for your eating plan." 100 Days of Weight Loss, Linda Spangle
I love this idea. I wish I could copy this whole chapter, because she uses an example of roads/paths to think of our boundaries. You have a road, and when your at your best, the road is narrower, but when you are maintaining or taking a break, your road widens a little bit. However, you NEVER get rid of the road. The boundaries just adjust according to where you are. That way, you're never off or on, you're always on that road, on that weight loss journey.
The book says to define narrow road plans and wider road plans for my weight loss:
Narrow: exercise every day, track my food 5 days a week, 100 oz of water, cook all meals at home,
Wider: exercise 5 days a week, track my food 3-5 days a week, 80 oz of water, eat out only 2 days a week
I think the hardest part for me in my journey is the exercise, then the tracking food. There are so many times I don't want to get up and do anything, especially when I exercised the night before. I guess I should mention I do JM 30DS in the mornings, and BLWLY in the evenings (the whole thing), so that's only 1.5 hours of exercise, but back to back exercise can be a little daunting sometimes :) Also, I have a hard time just cooking for myself. I think for me it's just STARTING something that's hard. Once I'm doing it I'm fine, but getting myself to get started in the process is where I struggle...in pretty much anything. Hmm...interesting thought. Anyway, I need to get off this thing and get ready for work!
Sidenote: I think it's interesting that we tend to forget that Jesus attracted the out of luck, outcasts, dirty, unpopular, sick, weary, voiceless people to him. When I see some Christians out there protesting this or that, or spewing anger or hatred about so and so, etc., I always wonder "when was the last time you helped someone who couldn't give you anything back?' "when was the last time you actually helped ANYBODY instead of holding signs?" "When did you help an jobless person on the job hunt, or provide a hungry person with a meal?" We spend so much of our time ANGRY and protesting about so many things when the whole idea of the good news is that there is love, and with that love comes healing, wholeness, and unity.
There are many Christians and other faiths out there doing so many good things, but it makes me just...bitter...to think of those loud outspoken people who seem to get the most attention when it comes to fait
"Like it or not, to lose weight, you have to follow some type of system. Your plan can be quite rigid and meticulous, or as simple as deciding you'll eat less and increase your level of exercise. Instead of getting stuck on the word 'diet,' learn to think of it was setting 'boundaries' for your eating plan." 100 Days of Weight Loss, Linda Spangle
I love this idea. I wish I could copy this whole chapter, because she uses an example of roads/paths to think of our boundaries. You have a road, and when your at your best, the road is narrower, but when you are maintaining or taking a break, your road widens a little bit. However, you NEVER get rid of the road. The boundaries just adjust according to where you are. That way, you're never off or on, you're always on that road, on that weight loss journey.
The book says to define narrow road plans and wider road plans for my weight loss:
Narrow: exercise every day, track my food 5 days a week, 100 oz of water, cook all meals at home,
Wider: exercise 5 days a week, track my food 3-5 days a week, 80 oz of water, eat out only 2 days a week
I think the hardest part for me in my journey is the exercise, then the tracking food. There are so many times I don't want to get up and do anything, especially when I exercised the night before. I guess I should mention I do JM 30DS in the mornings, and BLWLY in the evenings (the whole thing), so that's only 1.5 hours of exercise, but back to back exercise can be a little daunting sometimes :) Also, I have a hard time just cooking for myself. I think for me it's just STARTING something that's hard. Once I'm doing it I'm fine, but getting myself to get started in the process is where I struggle...in pretty much anything. Hmm...interesting thought. Anyway, I need to get off this thing and get ready for work!
Sidenote: I think it's interesting that we tend to forget that Jesus attracted the out of luck, outcasts, dirty, unpopular, sick, weary, voiceless people to him. When I see some Christians out there protesting this or that, or spewing anger or hatred about so and so, etc., I always wonder "when was the last time you helped someone who couldn't give you anything back?' "when was the last time you actually helped ANYBODY instead of holding signs?" "When did you help an jobless person on the job hunt, or provide a hungry person with a meal?" We spend so much of our time ANGRY and protesting about so many things when the whole idea of the good news is that there is love, and with that love comes healing, wholeness, and unity.
There are many Christians and other faiths out there doing so many good things, but it makes me just...bitter...to think of those loud outspoken people who seem to get the most attention when it comes to fait
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
more progress
Yesterday I had sugar. gasp! It was poker night, and I usually bring candy. Now, I'm the girl who likes to bring stuff to share. I will bring candy, cookies, a veggie platter...anything that people like...because I like sharing. And probably because I'm a people pleaser :) I ate a little more than half a pack of hichews, and pretty much a whole roll of lifesavers. And, I still have a pack of sour rips in my purse that is going to some lucky child today. I've found that one thing I can't do is get small packs of easily eaten stuff--like lifesavers. In my nervousness of playing poker, I ate those things right up. And, I have to find stuff that everyone likes so I don't eat too much--which was the plan, but hardly anybody ate any candy except a few people so I was left with already opened leftovers. Anyway, I like having candy during poker games--I just need to learn to moderate it more. Although I didn't get over my calories so that was good :)
Wow, that was a nice long ramble. Speaking of poker and gambling...I didn't win. Boo! I've won at least third place this entire year, but with ten people playing last night (and a new woman whose strategy I don't know yet), I ended up in 5th place. Sigh. However, I bought a scratch ticket for $2 (my friend Jen and I do them for fun and have a limit of $10/month), and I won $25! Which was very exciting. What was also exciting was hopping on the scale, and seeing it move down...at least 1 lb so far this week. I don't wanna count my chickens before they hatch, but I like seeing that kind of progress and I'm committed to seeing this through...even in Hawaii. I told my mum NO FAST FOOD, and since they're trying to eat healthy, I'm going to take a few recipes that I've learned over there (kale chips BOMB.COM!), and teach them how to make them.
I feel so...happy these days. I keep forgetting that when I'm focused on a goal and achieving things, I feel so much more fulfilled than when I'm being complacent. I have pleasant dreams, I can work better, and I just have a feeling when I get home that is actually...joyous...buoyant...happy. I'm happy with myself and who I'm becoming...what I've become in this last year. 24 was so freaking fantastic, and I'm even more excited for 25. Life gets better every year--and I'm doing it my way :)
Today the book talked about sticking with your plan even if you don't feel like it. It's like taking care of a pet. You don't necessarily FEEL like taking your dog out at 5am in the morning to go to the bathroom, but you do it because it's important. We should treat our weight loss journey the same way. Even if I don't FEEL like exercising, blogging, drinking my water, etc...I do it because it's important. I feel like working out and eating healthy today...it's just one of those days :), but it's important to remember this on days when I'm not so motivated.
Wow, that was a nice long ramble. Speaking of poker and gambling...I didn't win. Boo! I've won at least third place this entire year, but with ten people playing last night (and a new woman whose strategy I don't know yet), I ended up in 5th place. Sigh. However, I bought a scratch ticket for $2 (my friend Jen and I do them for fun and have a limit of $10/month), and I won $25! Which was very exciting. What was also exciting was hopping on the scale, and seeing it move down...at least 1 lb so far this week. I don't wanna count my chickens before they hatch, but I like seeing that kind of progress and I'm committed to seeing this through...even in Hawaii. I told my mum NO FAST FOOD, and since they're trying to eat healthy, I'm going to take a few recipes that I've learned over there (kale chips BOMB.COM!), and teach them how to make them.
I feel so...happy these days. I keep forgetting that when I'm focused on a goal and achieving things, I feel so much more fulfilled than when I'm being complacent. I have pleasant dreams, I can work better, and I just have a feeling when I get home that is actually...joyous...buoyant...happy. I'm happy with myself and who I'm becoming...what I've become in this last year. 24 was so freaking fantastic, and I'm even more excited for 25. Life gets better every year--and I'm doing it my way :)
Today the book talked about sticking with your plan even if you don't feel like it. It's like taking care of a pet. You don't necessarily FEEL like taking your dog out at 5am in the morning to go to the bathroom, but you do it because it's important. We should treat our weight loss journey the same way. Even if I don't FEEL like exercising, blogging, drinking my water, etc...I do it because it's important. I feel like working out and eating healthy today...it's just one of those days :), but it's important to remember this on days when I'm not so motivated.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
feeling strong
There's something about making positive choices in one's life that makes them feel strong. At least, it makes me feel strong. I think that I've mentioned this before, but I'm a total grazer. I'll see a snack, and I'll have one, then I'll walk past it another time and have another...and then I'll have a little of the snack the kiddos are eating, and then...As you can see the calories mount up pretty quickly when you're working that way.
Yesterday, there were some thin mint girl scout cookies sitting in the office, and on any other day, I would have grabbed one. The funny thing, is that I don't even like thin mints that much...my girl scout cookie of choice is a samoa :) But since it was THERE just waiting to be eaten, I would have grabbed it. Yesterday, no sir. In fact every time I passed that little green box, I felt light, free, as if nothing could get to me.
I did pretty well on resisting the sugar yesterday. I had one homemade cookie a kid made, and that's it. When I came home I resisted having a popsicle or ice cream sandwich, and I made kale chips, collard greens, and pulled bbq chicken. Which, all THREE were delicious...especially the collards. Good god I made some fantastic collards. Thank god the pot was only 200 calories cause I ended up eating the whole thing. Although the sodium content was not so awesome :)
I ate well, exercised in the morning and did my yoga in the evening, made delicious food, slept soundly and for at least 7 hours, and guess what? I feel good. This is what healthy feels like. Ah, I'm so excited for the rest of the year :)
Today the book talked about being interested vs. committed. Here are some differences between the two--
interested--
stay until something better comes along (donuts?)
depend on results to keep you going, when you plateau, it goes out the window
when you struggle, you blame others (they gave me chips!), or you make excuses (if only I had this...)
committed--
you stay on track...even when your favorite donuts are in the room
even when you plateau, you push through knowing that results will eventually come
others are not to blame for our struggles. you continue despite not having resources, supportive friends, or family.
There's a definite difference. I've seen it in the spark people I see on this website. I've seen it in myself at times. I'm committed to myself. I'm committed to eating healthy, exercising regularly, giving my body adequate rest, and keeping my body hydrated. Today, to show I'm committed, I'm going to drink at least 80 oz of water. That by far is one of the hardest things for me to do. So I'm going to commit myself that that today.
Matt 2. It's interesting to read about how far some people will go to ensure they are "top dog." Herod killing all the baby boys back in the day? Not cool. It's important for me to remember that I'm not always going to be top dog, and that I need to be open to new leadership, new ideas, and new people. I can't be so caught up in my position and power that I'm willing to make unnecessary sacrifices. Power in the wrong hands can be oh, so terrible...and it just goes to show that it not only applies to today, but hundreds and thousands of years back.
Yesterday, there were some thin mint girl scout cookies sitting in the office, and on any other day, I would have grabbed one. The funny thing, is that I don't even like thin mints that much...my girl scout cookie of choice is a samoa :) But since it was THERE just waiting to be eaten, I would have grabbed it. Yesterday, no sir. In fact every time I passed that little green box, I felt light, free, as if nothing could get to me.
I did pretty well on resisting the sugar yesterday. I had one homemade cookie a kid made, and that's it. When I came home I resisted having a popsicle or ice cream sandwich, and I made kale chips, collard greens, and pulled bbq chicken. Which, all THREE were delicious...especially the collards. Good god I made some fantastic collards. Thank god the pot was only 200 calories cause I ended up eating the whole thing. Although the sodium content was not so awesome :)
I ate well, exercised in the morning and did my yoga in the evening, made delicious food, slept soundly and for at least 7 hours, and guess what? I feel good. This is what healthy feels like. Ah, I'm so excited for the rest of the year :)
Today the book talked about being interested vs. committed. Here are some differences between the two--
interested--
stay until something better comes along (donuts?)
depend on results to keep you going, when you plateau, it goes out the window
when you struggle, you blame others (they gave me chips!), or you make excuses (if only I had this...)
committed--
you stay on track...even when your favorite donuts are in the room
even when you plateau, you push through knowing that results will eventually come
others are not to blame for our struggles. you continue despite not having resources, supportive friends, or family.
There's a definite difference. I've seen it in the spark people I see on this website. I've seen it in myself at times. I'm committed to myself. I'm committed to eating healthy, exercising regularly, giving my body adequate rest, and keeping my body hydrated. Today, to show I'm committed, I'm going to drink at least 80 oz of water. That by far is one of the hardest things for me to do. So I'm going to commit myself that that today.
Matt 2. It's interesting to read about how far some people will go to ensure they are "top dog." Herod killing all the baby boys back in the day? Not cool. It's important for me to remember that I'm not always going to be top dog, and that I need to be open to new leadership, new ideas, and new people. I can't be so caught up in my position and power that I'm willing to make unnecessary sacrifices. Power in the wrong hands can be oh, so terrible...and it just goes to show that it not only applies to today, but hundreds and thousands of years back.
Monday, February 28, 2011
back on track
I really want to lose the rest of my weight. I can't say for sure what my goal weight is, I thought 150, but I can't even remember the last time I was this size let alone respectably under 200. So I don't know what I'm going to look like as the weight drops off and I become thinner, leaner, and healthier. I do know that I want to be strong--which means building muscle (lean muscle that is), so if my weight is a little higher than I thought it would be, but I look good and am strong, that's fine with me.
I'm determined to finish what I started. And not only finish, but to maintain and continue the healthy lifestyle. There's a definite finish line (my goal weight), but it doesn't mean my life stops there. I kicked butt this week and exercised EVERY DAY since Tuesday. That's right. Every day. I knew I had it in me, and this week has proven that my will is still there. I'm still willful, and I'm still stronger than my impulses. And that makes me feel strong. It makes me feel powerful. It motivates me.
So I changed my weight tracker to reflect my weight--207.4. Ah, I've seen that number so many times it makes me mad. I want to lose at least 5lbs in March. It can and will be done. I have this little hope in the back of my mind that maybe even I can get under 200. The only way though is to be consistent, and to make wise choices.
So here I am, with 7.5 hours of sleep (and having woken up naturally), ready to kick start my day with my daily motivator, a glass of water, and a spiritual pick me up. Then, I'm going to get my cardio on ;)
Day one of my daily motivator talks about how we let our past failures ruin our current attempts. We get motivated, stay on track, then slip up, and get frustrated and discouraged and then feel like quitting. "Rather than being fearful that you'll repeat the past, build a new way of thinking." It tells you to list out things you used to do, and replace them with new habits.
I used to eat candy and processed sugar every day, but now I eat sweet treats in moderation.
I used to make excuses for why I couldn't exercise, but now I give myself reasons to exercise.
I used to eat out of boredom, but now I make a conscious decision to eat when I'm really hungry.
I used to "track my calories" in my head, but now I keep myself accountable by tracking them online.
I used to quit when things got hard, but now I persevere to the end, and WILL reach my goals.
What are things you used to do that you've replaced with better habits?
Along with my daily motivator, I've decided to read a little bit of the Bible every day. My faith is important to me, but I seem to be focusing on the social justice aspect of it rather than my personal growth. So I'm going to read a chapter (ish) a day and just comment on what grabs my interest. I'm starting in Matthew :)
"'The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel'--which means, 'God with us.'" Matt 1:23
I went to school to learn about this stuff, and I've been over many profound things--I've studied the Hebrew, exegeted scripture, and really dug in so that the Bible is very familiar to me. So it's funny when a simple verse like this sticks out and reminds me that the basis of my faith, the reason that I stay, is because God is with us. God is with me, along side of me, loving me, cheering me on, picking me up, comforting me, leading me, etc. He is WITH me...not just observing from the magical clouds in the sky, he is with me. He doesn't leave me alone to figure it all out, and he cares about the things I care about. Including being healthy. What a concept to be reminded of as I reembark on this weight loss/healthy lifestyle journey--God is with me. God is good :)
I'm determined to finish what I started. And not only finish, but to maintain and continue the healthy lifestyle. There's a definite finish line (my goal weight), but it doesn't mean my life stops there. I kicked butt this week and exercised EVERY DAY since Tuesday. That's right. Every day. I knew I had it in me, and this week has proven that my will is still there. I'm still willful, and I'm still stronger than my impulses. And that makes me feel strong. It makes me feel powerful. It motivates me.
So I changed my weight tracker to reflect my weight--207.4. Ah, I've seen that number so many times it makes me mad. I want to lose at least 5lbs in March. It can and will be done. I have this little hope in the back of my mind that maybe even I can get under 200. The only way though is to be consistent, and to make wise choices.
So here I am, with 7.5 hours of sleep (and having woken up naturally), ready to kick start my day with my daily motivator, a glass of water, and a spiritual pick me up. Then, I'm going to get my cardio on ;)
Day one of my daily motivator talks about how we let our past failures ruin our current attempts. We get motivated, stay on track, then slip up, and get frustrated and discouraged and then feel like quitting. "Rather than being fearful that you'll repeat the past, build a new way of thinking." It tells you to list out things you used to do, and replace them with new habits.
I used to eat candy and processed sugar every day, but now I eat sweet treats in moderation.
I used to make excuses for why I couldn't exercise, but now I give myself reasons to exercise.
I used to eat out of boredom, but now I make a conscious decision to eat when I'm really hungry.
I used to "track my calories" in my head, but now I keep myself accountable by tracking them online.
I used to quit when things got hard, but now I persevere to the end, and WILL reach my goals.
What are things you used to do that you've replaced with better habits?
Along with my daily motivator, I've decided to read a little bit of the Bible every day. My faith is important to me, but I seem to be focusing on the social justice aspect of it rather than my personal growth. So I'm going to read a chapter (ish) a day and just comment on what grabs my interest. I'm starting in Matthew :)
"'The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel'--which means, 'God with us.'" Matt 1:23
I went to school to learn about this stuff, and I've been over many profound things--I've studied the Hebrew, exegeted scripture, and really dug in so that the Bible is very familiar to me. So it's funny when a simple verse like this sticks out and reminds me that the basis of my faith, the reason that I stay, is because God is with us. God is with me, along side of me, loving me, cheering me on, picking me up, comforting me, leading me, etc. He is WITH me...not just observing from the magical clouds in the sky, he is with me. He doesn't leave me alone to figure it all out, and he cares about the things I care about. Including being healthy. What a concept to be reminded of as I reembark on this weight loss/healthy lifestyle journey--God is with me. God is good :)
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
urg!
Weight loss is such a struggle! I've been struggling with these last couple of lbs right before 200 for the past 4-5 months! I've been struggling with my eating, and I've been struggling with exercise, and it's just been hard. I felt so close the other week and now I've bounced back to the mid 200s.
Right now I'm sitting in my living room and thinking to myself 'you should workout.' But what I really want to do is go back to sleep. I want to just lay down, and forget my worries, struggles, EVERYTHING! for just one second. I'm so emotionally drained and confused right now that working out seems to be the last thing that I want to do.
I want to be DONE with the 200s. I want to move on, and I can't seem to let go. I don't know if it's fear, or laziness, or what...but I know I can lose these last few lbs. I know I can. I just want to be done. To see the numbers go down permanently, not just for a day.
My problem is, is when I see the number on the scale change, I decide to be lax. I don't know where this attitude comes from, but it's completely sabotaging me! I never would have done this in my journey last year...I think the 40 lbs is making me cocky or something. So. Here's to consistency. Here's to working out consistently, eating consistently, sleeping consistently, having a consistent social life. Ok, I'm going to do some yoga.
Right now I'm sitting in my living room and thinking to myself 'you should workout.' But what I really want to do is go back to sleep. I want to just lay down, and forget my worries, struggles, EVERYTHING! for just one second. I'm so emotionally drained and confused right now that working out seems to be the last thing that I want to do.
I want to be DONE with the 200s. I want to move on, and I can't seem to let go. I don't know if it's fear, or laziness, or what...but I know I can lose these last few lbs. I know I can. I just want to be done. To see the numbers go down permanently, not just for a day.
My problem is, is when I see the number on the scale change, I decide to be lax. I don't know where this attitude comes from, but it's completely sabotaging me! I never would have done this in my journey last year...I think the 40 lbs is making me cocky or something. So. Here's to consistency. Here's to working out consistently, eating consistently, sleeping consistently, having a consistent social life. Ok, I'm going to do some yoga.
back to the basics?
So, I've found myself making some pretty big decisions lately. I've been looking at my job, at my opportunities, at everything that I've learned over the past couple of years...and I'm finding that I want more. I'm finding that I don't really enjoy working in ratio with the kids every day. I'm finding that I'm yearning for knowledge and training that my job just doesn't want/isn't prepared to give me. I'm finding that I'm unhappy, and it's causing me to nitpick everything. I'm pretty much finding that it's time for me to move on.
Maybe this means moving on to another job, but I think it mostly means moving on from this emotional attachment I have to my job. I have this fear that I'm not going to be good enough, or that I don't have the skills that I need, or that I will fail in something new. I also do love the laid back nature of my job, my accommodating boss, and most of the people I work with. I'm kind of attached to those things. But the fear and attachment are literally getting me nowhere. I love the ease of the job, but it doesn't challenge me very much. In fact working with kids frustrates me and drains me...it makes me want to pull my hair out most of the time!
So...I'm looking at schools. And yes, I know that I've been looking at this for the past 6 years! But I think that I finally know what I want to do--I want to get my MBA. I feel like an MBA is broad enough to open doors to multiple avenues that I want to pursue. With an MBA I can still work non-profit, and it'll also give me knowledge to pair with my experience.
I called my mom, and she was ecstatic and very encouraging, as was my best friend. I've been mulling over this and I realize that the one...person? that I haven't really asked about it was God. I haven't prayed about it. And for some people this is ok, but for me, I really need some guidance...cause this is a big decision. I'm very dependent on this guy because he has led me every single place that I've been, and all those places have been wonderful. He has opened the door to opportunities that I never thought possible, and he has helped alleviate fear in my life. Yep, God. My faith is a constant in my life and while I'm terrible at acknowledging it and I've been not as connected in relationship as I should be, it's still my go to. The one thing that I trust above all others.
And I realize as I'm saying this that to be honest, I need to get back to cultivating my faith and relationship with God. That not only is it important to me, but it's pretty essential to my happiness and well being. So...yea. That's where I'm at right now. Big scary decisions, and an even bigger, wonderful God. I'm excited to see what comes of it... :)
Maybe this means moving on to another job, but I think it mostly means moving on from this emotional attachment I have to my job. I have this fear that I'm not going to be good enough, or that I don't have the skills that I need, or that I will fail in something new. I also do love the laid back nature of my job, my accommodating boss, and most of the people I work with. I'm kind of attached to those things. But the fear and attachment are literally getting me nowhere. I love the ease of the job, but it doesn't challenge me very much. In fact working with kids frustrates me and drains me...it makes me want to pull my hair out most of the time!
So...I'm looking at schools. And yes, I know that I've been looking at this for the past 6 years! But I think that I finally know what I want to do--I want to get my MBA. I feel like an MBA is broad enough to open doors to multiple avenues that I want to pursue. With an MBA I can still work non-profit, and it'll also give me knowledge to pair with my experience.
I called my mom, and she was ecstatic and very encouraging, as was my best friend. I've been mulling over this and I realize that the one...person? that I haven't really asked about it was God. I haven't prayed about it. And for some people this is ok, but for me, I really need some guidance...cause this is a big decision. I'm very dependent on this guy because he has led me every single place that I've been, and all those places have been wonderful. He has opened the door to opportunities that I never thought possible, and he has helped alleviate fear in my life. Yep, God. My faith is a constant in my life and while I'm terrible at acknowledging it and I've been not as connected in relationship as I should be, it's still my go to. The one thing that I trust above all others.
And I realize as I'm saying this that to be honest, I need to get back to cultivating my faith and relationship with God. That not only is it important to me, but it's pretty essential to my happiness and well being. So...yea. That's where I'm at right now. Big scary decisions, and an even bigger, wonderful God. I'm excited to see what comes of it... :)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
settled?
I just helped my BFF move into her brand spanking new apartment--in my building! I am always on the search for something new, something different, something that will somehow change my life for the better. Whether this something is a new apartment, new job, new hobby, new friend, etc...I seem to always be on the search--never truly satisfied with what I have. I'm realizing that while that desire for "something new" can bring exciting and wonderful things into my life, it can also lead me into a dark path. Basically a path that leaves me unsatisfied, and never realizing how GOOD I have it.
I've been looking for a new job about 6 months after I got the job at the Club...and I've been here for 4 years since, becoming unsatisfied, searching for something new, not willing to take a risk, realizing how good I have it, basking in that for a couple of weeks, then the boredom sets in and I'm looking all over again. I do the same thing with most of the stuff in my life. Funny thing is, is that once I've found something that I truly love--which fits my expectations to a "t" I stop. I look around my apartment, and all of the furniture is perfect. I wouldn't change a thing. I have no need for anything else because I searched and found exactly what I was looking for.
I don't think my search for amazing and wonderful clothes will ever stop. :) I will forever and always be a clothes-a-holic and I think that I've gotten THAT spending habit pretty under control.
But back to the something new. I guess I had a moment of "ah, I want a brand new apartment with new carpet, repainted, etc..." and then I helped my friend move, and I realize how much hard work it is. How expensive it is. How everything seems unfinished until you get exactly what you want. How HARD it was to wait and search and be disappointed and at the end of the move I was tired. Tired of thinking about where to put this, how to put that in the truck, where everything was going to go, and moving heavy stuff.
Then I walked into my apartment. My apartment has every single thing that I've wanted in it. It has that killer couch I found on craiglist, that trunk coffee table, that mirror/coat hanger that I got for 5 bucks at goodwill, that table I bought from that woman in the trailer...etc. etc. etc. and I realize how GOOD I have it. How I've been there, and while it's fun and exciting, it's also hard work and I don't want all that work right now. I want to come home to my finished, perfectly wonderful apartment that I've made into a home and rest and relax. I've lived in this apartment for 2 years...longer than I've lived anywhere, and I am so happy to have this place as my own.
So here's to being settled. Here's to having a fantastic job, with wonderful people that I mostly get along with. Here's to being able to walk to work, and living in a amazing city with everything at my fingertips. Here's to the comforts of home, and here's to the hard work I put into it for these past couple of years. I'm excited for new adventures, and fullness of life, but I am also very thankful for what I have, and for the happiness that has been given to me. God is good :)
I've been looking for a new job about 6 months after I got the job at the Club...and I've been here for 4 years since, becoming unsatisfied, searching for something new, not willing to take a risk, realizing how good I have it, basking in that for a couple of weeks, then the boredom sets in and I'm looking all over again. I do the same thing with most of the stuff in my life. Funny thing is, is that once I've found something that I truly love--which fits my expectations to a "t" I stop. I look around my apartment, and all of the furniture is perfect. I wouldn't change a thing. I have no need for anything else because I searched and found exactly what I was looking for.
I don't think my search for amazing and wonderful clothes will ever stop. :) I will forever and always be a clothes-a-holic and I think that I've gotten THAT spending habit pretty under control.
But back to the something new. I guess I had a moment of "ah, I want a brand new apartment with new carpet, repainted, etc..." and then I helped my friend move, and I realize how much hard work it is. How expensive it is. How everything seems unfinished until you get exactly what you want. How HARD it was to wait and search and be disappointed and at the end of the move I was tired. Tired of thinking about where to put this, how to put that in the truck, where everything was going to go, and moving heavy stuff.
Then I walked into my apartment. My apartment has every single thing that I've wanted in it. It has that killer couch I found on craiglist, that trunk coffee table, that mirror/coat hanger that I got for 5 bucks at goodwill, that table I bought from that woman in the trailer...etc. etc. etc. and I realize how GOOD I have it. How I've been there, and while it's fun and exciting, it's also hard work and I don't want all that work right now. I want to come home to my finished, perfectly wonderful apartment that I've made into a home and rest and relax. I've lived in this apartment for 2 years...longer than I've lived anywhere, and I am so happy to have this place as my own.
So here's to being settled. Here's to having a fantastic job, with wonderful people that I mostly get along with. Here's to being able to walk to work, and living in a amazing city with everything at my fingertips. Here's to the comforts of home, and here's to the hard work I put into it for these past couple of years. I'm excited for new adventures, and fullness of life, but I am also very thankful for what I have, and for the happiness that has been given to me. God is good :)
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