Saturday, January 23, 2010
feeling perkier!
First, I want to say that I'm REALLY proud of myself for only eating two pieces of pizza. I really could have eaten at least four in one sitting. But I indulged in two, and it was pretty good. I finally ate something else, and I'm definitely feeling perkier. Spark People told me I was exercising more than I had previously said, and that if I didn't adjust my goals I wouldn't be eating enough calories. So it readjusted and now I'm back to supposed to be eating between 1340 and 1690. I had adjusted it down to max out at 1500, but I guess they're the experts so I should listen to them. To be honest, it should be more because I didn't put the full calories burned that I'm supposed to, but it just feels wrong eating 1700 plus when I'm supposed to be losing weight. we'll see I suppose...
tired
I brought a lunch for tech fest today. Well, snack foods. I ended up eating 2 slices of pizza instead :/ I think it's making me tired! Or maybe not. I'm just exhausted. The calories for two slices was about 650-700, so that's not bad. I may also be tired because I'm not taking in enough food. This week I've been a lot tireder and I've lowered my calories. I need to look at that a bit and adjust something so I don't plateau because of LACK of calories.
blarg
I'm so tired! Saturdays are my sleep in days where I exercise at noon not 8am! But I wanted to do it before the day started cause it's busy one. *sigh* I love the fact that I have determination...hate that it's freaking 8am on a Saturday and I've already sweated haha. Sidenote...I think I'm going to change my blog layout. I like the retro-ness of it, but I need something different...refreshing. I like my other blog...now to find the perfect look for this one...
Retrain Eating Habits
So today went over the whole "never clean your plate" thing and how some people have a really hard time with it. As I think about it, I think I need to remember to focus on eating slower. A lot of times, I'll pack stuff that I intend on eating all of. Especially these days. However, I remember at my parents or at other ppls houses that I'm just piled food on my plate, and ate it quickly. I don't really have a guilt complex about leaving food on my plate cause I usually don't haha.
So I need to learn how to eat slower and of course, when it comes to unhealthy foods, either have my own food or be smart about portion sizes. I liked the point she made about restaurant foods and leftovers. That's really hard for me to waste food at a restaurant especially if I really enjoyed it. I usually take it home and eat it the next day. Economical right? Well she pointed out that if you have a high calorie meal, that's TWO high calorie meals you'll be eating instead of just one nice little "cheat." So either order a healthy choice or...don't take home leftovers. We'll see how this goes...
Ugh, so, I've been like "ah I have to rush because I need to be at work by nine. Then I realized I have an HOUR AND A HALF before I need to go. I mixed up with time and think that instead I have a half an hour before I leave. So I guess I can stop rushing around...
Romans 6 expounds on how we are dead to sin but alive in Christ. It gives the example of us literally being baptized in Christ's death, and be raised to life as he was and now we have a new life. It's a great image. It says "do not let sin reign" in your body. I guess I never imagined sin as having lordship. Like it having power and control over me. Well, I guess I knew those words, but when I see "reign" I realize how serious it is. I realize that it's a big deal. In the previous chapter it said that we have received God's grace and righteousness and they are supposed to reign in our life. Two things can't have power and control at the same time.
"When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Thos things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and that you have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." vs. 20-23
Before I balked at the fact of being a slave to anything. I resisted that thought because I don't like to be told what to do or controlled. Then I realized that we are either a slave to sin or a slave to Christ. There really is no other choice. We're slaves either way, and sin's "payment" is death, God's "gift" is life. I mean, that's literally how it's said. What we earn from sin is death, what we freely receive from God is life. So who is the better master? Who is the one I'd rather be a slave to? God.
I can think of plenty of things that I've done, that I look back and I'm like "ugh, I wish I could take that back" or "I wish I did not make that memory." At the time it was all good and fun...but you know what my wages are today from it? Regret. Not awesome. On the flip side, everytime I think of things that I've decided to do because I felt like God was asking me to, I think of how well they turned out. When I think of times that I've let God have control, I remember that his plan has ALWAYS been better than mine. The choices that I've made with him and because of him, have NEVER turned into regret. In fact, they've always turned into examples of his faithfulness and his goodness.
You know, I read this chapter and didn't think I was going to write much. I really felt like God was push those last verses that I quoted, because to be honest there was some shame and regret I felt from certain things that I have done. But it's great how he reminds me that there are plenty of decisions that I've let him make. And how I can compare the two side to side and see that they really don't compare in any way, shape, or form. It really is as simple as death, or life? I'm choosing the free gift of life. God is good.
So I need to learn how to eat slower and of course, when it comes to unhealthy foods, either have my own food or be smart about portion sizes. I liked the point she made about restaurant foods and leftovers. That's really hard for me to waste food at a restaurant especially if I really enjoyed it. I usually take it home and eat it the next day. Economical right? Well she pointed out that if you have a high calorie meal, that's TWO high calorie meals you'll be eating instead of just one nice little "cheat." So either order a healthy choice or...don't take home leftovers. We'll see how this goes...
Ugh, so, I've been like "ah I have to rush because I need to be at work by nine. Then I realized I have an HOUR AND A HALF before I need to go. I mixed up with time and think that instead I have a half an hour before I leave. So I guess I can stop rushing around...
Romans 6 expounds on how we are dead to sin but alive in Christ. It gives the example of us literally being baptized in Christ's death, and be raised to life as he was and now we have a new life. It's a great image. It says "do not let sin reign" in your body. I guess I never imagined sin as having lordship. Like it having power and control over me. Well, I guess I knew those words, but when I see "reign" I realize how serious it is. I realize that it's a big deal. In the previous chapter it said that we have received God's grace and righteousness and they are supposed to reign in our life. Two things can't have power and control at the same time.
"When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Thos things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and that you have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." vs. 20-23
Before I balked at the fact of being a slave to anything. I resisted that thought because I don't like to be told what to do or controlled. Then I realized that we are either a slave to sin or a slave to Christ. There really is no other choice. We're slaves either way, and sin's "payment" is death, God's "gift" is life. I mean, that's literally how it's said. What we earn from sin is death, what we freely receive from God is life. So who is the better master? Who is the one I'd rather be a slave to? God.
I can think of plenty of things that I've done, that I look back and I'm like "ugh, I wish I could take that back" or "I wish I did not make that memory." At the time it was all good and fun...but you know what my wages are today from it? Regret. Not awesome. On the flip side, everytime I think of things that I've decided to do because I felt like God was asking me to, I think of how well they turned out. When I think of times that I've let God have control, I remember that his plan has ALWAYS been better than mine. The choices that I've made with him and because of him, have NEVER turned into regret. In fact, they've always turned into examples of his faithfulness and his goodness.
You know, I read this chapter and didn't think I was going to write much. I really felt like God was push those last verses that I quoted, because to be honest there was some shame and regret I felt from certain things that I have done. But it's great how he reminds me that there are plenty of decisions that I've let him make. And how I can compare the two side to side and see that they really don't compare in any way, shape, or form. It really is as simple as death, or life? I'm choosing the free gift of life. God is good.
Friday, January 22, 2010
feeling good!
There's nothing like finishing a workout. Even though I'm all sweaty and have some labored breathing, I get so JAZZED that I finished. With...time to spare. It's the end of the week...I have to work tomorrow, but I'm so happy for the weekend. Rest, relaxation, fun, and....It's officially my first day as the Education Director! yaaaaaaaay.
Stop Wasting Food
So yesterday, I caved and let Keana buy me Skittles. And then, I looked at the serving size and portioned out 1/4th of a serving size and enjoyed them. It was great. The kids made fun of me, but I felt good. I had a second serving later in the day, and then I put it away. It was a nice feeling, although, they had a good amount of carbs. Not as much as popcorn though! Man if I eat popcorn everyday I'll meet my carb quota every day. Craziness.
Today the book talked about eating food and not wasting it. That whole "clean your plate" rule that we all knew as a child, and the fact the we may have gotten praises for doing so. The book emphasized that eating food that you don't need is like wasting it on your body. You can either waste it in the trash, or on your tummy or thigh flab. Either way, it's not being used like it's supposed to. I'm a big fan of examples, and I loved this part:
"The eat-it-all rule is one of the hardest ones for most people to break. But when you fill your car with gas, you don't keep pumping after the tank is full, spilling the fuel on the ground. So why would you do that with your body?"
I have a hard time throwing away food that is perfectly good but that I won't eat, and no one else will eat, and it can't be donated to the food bank. Like the pita chips in my cabinet. They're perfectly fine, just terrible for me so I don't eat them. But I feel guilty throwing them away. Meghan is really good about this--I found a pack of m&ms in one of the drawers in the front desk and they're not really a temptation for me, but she took them and threw them away immediately. And in my mind, I was like "a kid could have eaten them" but she wanted to get rid of her temptation immediately...and she did. She's also a big believer in not keeping everything and giving away/throwing away things you don't need. So. I guess that's something I need to work on...starting with those dang pita chips. Sigh.
There's too many good things today to unpack in the time that I have. I'll try to do it :)
"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he promised. This why "it was credited to him as righteousness" The words 'it was credited to him' were written not for him alone, but also for us, to who God will credit righteousness-for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification. Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith ino this grace which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God." Romans 4:20-5:2
Those last verses in Romans 4 caught my eye. I love how it said he believed the promised of God...even though they seemed unattainable, he believed that "God had the power to do what he promised." What an amazing statement and how often do I not do that? How often to I make God small and think that he can't do great things. I want to be someone who believes wholeheartedly in the things God says not only in scripture but also that he says to me.
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." vs. 6
I LOVE that verse. It continues to say that it's rare when someone dies for someone who is good, how much more meaningful it is when someone dies for someone who is not good. In our powerlessness, God stood up for us. What character. It's amazing.
"Again, the gift of God is not like the result of the one man's sin: The judgment followed one sin (Adam's) and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ" vs. 16-17
The gift of grace is SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL and EFFECTIVE that the condemnation that was brought by Adam's sin. It completely blows that out of the water I love the last part...the wording "abundant provision of grace" "the gift of righteousness" "reign in life." This all comes freely. It's offered to all by God because of Christ's death and resurrection. I love the phrase that we will "reign in life." A definition of reign is having "dominance, power, and influence." But we don't reign with fear and anger, we reign under the same goodness of grace, faith, mercy, and love. THAT is powerful. That is good. Life does not reign over us, we reign over life. Guilt, condemnation, fear, anger, hate, greed, money, lust...those things do not reign over us. WE reign over them. Wow. God IS good.
Today the book talked about eating food and not wasting it. That whole "clean your plate" rule that we all knew as a child, and the fact the we may have gotten praises for doing so. The book emphasized that eating food that you don't need is like wasting it on your body. You can either waste it in the trash, or on your tummy or thigh flab. Either way, it's not being used like it's supposed to. I'm a big fan of examples, and I loved this part:
"The eat-it-all rule is one of the hardest ones for most people to break. But when you fill your car with gas, you don't keep pumping after the tank is full, spilling the fuel on the ground. So why would you do that with your body?"
I have a hard time throwing away food that is perfectly good but that I won't eat, and no one else will eat, and it can't be donated to the food bank. Like the pita chips in my cabinet. They're perfectly fine, just terrible for me so I don't eat them. But I feel guilty throwing them away. Meghan is really good about this--I found a pack of m&ms in one of the drawers in the front desk and they're not really a temptation for me, but she took them and threw them away immediately. And in my mind, I was like "a kid could have eaten them" but she wanted to get rid of her temptation immediately...and she did. She's also a big believer in not keeping everything and giving away/throwing away things you don't need. So. I guess that's something I need to work on...starting with those dang pita chips. Sigh.
There's too many good things today to unpack in the time that I have. I'll try to do it :)
"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he promised. This why "it was credited to him as righteousness" The words 'it was credited to him' were written not for him alone, but also for us, to who God will credit righteousness-for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification. Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith ino this grace which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God." Romans 4:20-5:2
Those last verses in Romans 4 caught my eye. I love how it said he believed the promised of God...even though they seemed unattainable, he believed that "God had the power to do what he promised." What an amazing statement and how often do I not do that? How often to I make God small and think that he can't do great things. I want to be someone who believes wholeheartedly in the things God says not only in scripture but also that he says to me.
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." vs. 6
I LOVE that verse. It continues to say that it's rare when someone dies for someone who is good, how much more meaningful it is when someone dies for someone who is not good. In our powerlessness, God stood up for us. What character. It's amazing.
"Again, the gift of God is not like the result of the one man's sin: The judgment followed one sin (Adam's) and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ" vs. 16-17
The gift of grace is SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL and EFFECTIVE that the condemnation that was brought by Adam's sin. It completely blows that out of the water I love the last part...the wording "abundant provision of grace" "the gift of righteousness" "reign in life." This all comes freely. It's offered to all by God because of Christ's death and resurrection. I love the phrase that we will "reign in life." A definition of reign is having "dominance, power, and influence." But we don't reign with fear and anger, we reign under the same goodness of grace, faith, mercy, and love. THAT is powerful. That is good. Life does not reign over us, we reign over life. Guilt, condemnation, fear, anger, hate, greed, money, lust...those things do not reign over us. WE reign over them. Wow. God IS good.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Nurturing Power of Food
The book took the "first two bites" and talked about how all the emotional power that we get only come from these two bits as well:
"If you're eating as a way to feel nurtured or calmed, you'll usually experience some level of those feelings right away. But continuing to eat won't bring any more satisfaction or make you feel better. In fact, at some point you'll probably begin to feel frustrated and disappointed with your behavior instead of being healed by food."
Generally, with anything compulsive that you do to "soothe" yourself, you general feel like shit after. This includes eating but can also include drinking, shopping, etc. I was thinking about it, and I know I am a bored eater. When I have nothing to do (or at least feel like I have nothing to do), I will tend to munch. This was very much exemplified to me when I was at home this past Christmas and I would walk out of my room (after watching Desperate Housewives) and open the fridge and peer in to see what was there. I did this four or five times during that day until I realized what I was doing.
I don't think I generally use food to soothe myself if I'm upset...sometimes when I'm stressed, but I think that's the boredom of work mixed with the accessibility of bad foods. Hm. I'll have to really think about that. I do think shopping is something compulsive I used to do (and still do on occasion) to soothe myself. Now that I have a budget, I do it on a smaller scale and I tend to feel guilty during and put stuff back. Before, I would buy it all, then have guilt, and take it back. The nice thing about that vs. a tub of ice cream is that I could literally take it back while with food, you can't.
Anyway, I'm gonna keep an eye on that whole emotional eating thing and see if it's something I do :)
"Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring--not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith to Abraham. He is the father of us all. As it is written: 'I have made you a father of many nations.' He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed--the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were." Romans 4:16-17
I love how this chapter points out that Abraham had the works. It says "Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about---but not before God." He was apparently a "righteous" man according to a lot of people...even according to this scripture. But what makes him righteous before God? "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness." He believed God. He heard a voice, saw something, felt something, I dunno. But he believed and responded to whatever he heard, saw, or felt. That's what made him righteous. Not the step by step, doing everything right. It was those moments of response to what God called him to.
That is very cool stuff right there. It gives even more weight to the last part of verse 17 that says "the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were." How is God calling and speaking to people in life? How is he calling and speaking to me. How many people is he speaking to, that have no idea that it's Jesus? I mean, that's mind blowing and incredibly wonderful to think that God reaches out to us in any and every way possible. Abraham didn't know shit about Jesus. But his response to God was credited to him as righteousness. His faith in this unknown power, which became known as God or Yahweh or Elohim, became something real and he believed and acted up on. It give me hope for people who might have never known Jesus' name. It gives me hope for our generation who God wants to reach and speak to but because of the evil done in the name of Christ and Christianity it's virtually impossible to reach them. It gives me hope to know that God is trying to reach them. That Christ is reaching out to them and loving them and speaking to them.
"If you're eating as a way to feel nurtured or calmed, you'll usually experience some level of those feelings right away. But continuing to eat won't bring any more satisfaction or make you feel better. In fact, at some point you'll probably begin to feel frustrated and disappointed with your behavior instead of being healed by food."
Generally, with anything compulsive that you do to "soothe" yourself, you general feel like shit after. This includes eating but can also include drinking, shopping, etc. I was thinking about it, and I know I am a bored eater. When I have nothing to do (or at least feel like I have nothing to do), I will tend to munch. This was very much exemplified to me when I was at home this past Christmas and I would walk out of my room (after watching Desperate Housewives) and open the fridge and peer in to see what was there. I did this four or five times during that day until I realized what I was doing.
I don't think I generally use food to soothe myself if I'm upset...sometimes when I'm stressed, but I think that's the boredom of work mixed with the accessibility of bad foods. Hm. I'll have to really think about that. I do think shopping is something compulsive I used to do (and still do on occasion) to soothe myself. Now that I have a budget, I do it on a smaller scale and I tend to feel guilty during and put stuff back. Before, I would buy it all, then have guilt, and take it back. The nice thing about that vs. a tub of ice cream is that I could literally take it back while with food, you can't.
Anyway, I'm gonna keep an eye on that whole emotional eating thing and see if it's something I do :)
"Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring--not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith to Abraham. He is the father of us all. As it is written: 'I have made you a father of many nations.' He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed--the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were." Romans 4:16-17
I love how this chapter points out that Abraham had the works. It says "Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about---but not before God." He was apparently a "righteous" man according to a lot of people...even according to this scripture. But what makes him righteous before God? "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness." He believed God. He heard a voice, saw something, felt something, I dunno. But he believed and responded to whatever he heard, saw, or felt. That's what made him righteous. Not the step by step, doing everything right. It was those moments of response to what God called him to.
That is very cool stuff right there. It gives even more weight to the last part of verse 17 that says "the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were." How is God calling and speaking to people in life? How is he calling and speaking to me. How many people is he speaking to, that have no idea that it's Jesus? I mean, that's mind blowing and incredibly wonderful to think that God reaches out to us in any and every way possible. Abraham didn't know shit about Jesus. But his response to God was credited to him as righteousness. His faith in this unknown power, which became known as God or Yahweh or Elohim, became something real and he believed and acted up on. It give me hope for people who might have never known Jesus' name. It gives me hope for our generation who God wants to reach and speak to but because of the evil done in the name of Christ and Christianity it's virtually impossible to reach them. It gives me hope to know that God is trying to reach them. That Christ is reaching out to them and loving them and speaking to them.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The First Two Bites
Today the book talked about how the first two bites of food are always the tastiest and most flavorful. There of course are times when you eat more than the first two bites because, well, you are hungry. However, with things that are just "extra calories," it emphasized thinking about and savoring those first two bites, then deciding whether or not you really want to eat the whole thing.
At first when I read this, I was like, "yea yea" and that it didn't apply to me, but then I realized that for things like sugar, candy, etc., this would be really good for me. Especially things that I resent not eating because I'm trying to watch my calories. I have this thought it my mind "it's all or nothing." I either eat the whole cheesecake (mostly over time) or I eat none of it. One, because I don't like to waste, and two because I just figure once you've stepped over the edge you might as well finish yourself. Like yesterday, I really wanted to eat this stupid duplex cookie that the girls had for snack. I looked at the back and it was 160 calories for TWO. Just TWO cookies. So I was like "eff it" and ate one. Well, I felt like since I ate one, I might as well eat two because that was the serving size and yea. So I ended up eating two, not even really enjoying it. Then I ate some airheads and pretty much gulped them down.
Moral of the story, is that I like the fact that this book encourages me to take two bites and be done. That it's ok to try stuff and then stop. I'm not going to do it all the time...sometimes you just need an effing piece of cheesecake, but most of the time, it's a good practice. Today I'm going to try to "savor my first two bites" and see what this whole thing is about :)
I'm having a rough time wanting to get up this morning by the way. I'm extra tired for some reason, even though I pretty much went to bed on time. Eh.
"Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin....But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished--he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. Where then is boasting? It is excluded." Romans 3:20-27
I love how Paul systematically points out in the first couple of chapters that we are all under some kind of law--the Jews have their law, and the Gentiles (every one else) have the law of their conscience. And guess what? We've all broken the law. We've all failed one point of that law at one time or another. Knowing the law cannot make us right. It cannot give us grace, forgiveness, mercy, or righteousness. The ONLY way that we can have righteousness is faith in Christ and what he's done. To believe that Jesus was our sacrifice, and to know that no matter what we do, we can not earn salvation. "God is the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus." He does it. It's amazingly good news.
I don't have to strive to earn God's love and forgiveness. I just have to believe that he loves me, that Jesus willingly died for every single mistake that I've made, and to accept his forgiveness and mercy. How beautifully simple and foolish that it. It's...so incredibly simple. So guess what? There is no boasting. There should be no "I'm better than you because...." We could compete day by day trying to be the best person and do the best things, when, in the end, it's all worth nothing. Works, acts, are worth nothing without faith...without this simple knowledge and accepting it humbly and with a thankful heart.
It's good to be reminded of the simple message of Christ. So many times as a Christian I get caught up in the "oh I'm doing really well, look how Christ is working in me, I must be something special" kind of thinking when it really has nothing to do with me. Yes, God works through us. Yes, he will change and transform us, but it's because of his sacrifice that we are even able to do this. It has nothing to do with our ability to change or our worthiness. It has everything to do with how good God is. That's a good word for me. <3
At first when I read this, I was like, "yea yea" and that it didn't apply to me, but then I realized that for things like sugar, candy, etc., this would be really good for me. Especially things that I resent not eating because I'm trying to watch my calories. I have this thought it my mind "it's all or nothing." I either eat the whole cheesecake (mostly over time) or I eat none of it. One, because I don't like to waste, and two because I just figure once you've stepped over the edge you might as well finish yourself. Like yesterday, I really wanted to eat this stupid duplex cookie that the girls had for snack. I looked at the back and it was 160 calories for TWO. Just TWO cookies. So I was like "eff it" and ate one. Well, I felt like since I ate one, I might as well eat two because that was the serving size and yea. So I ended up eating two, not even really enjoying it. Then I ate some airheads and pretty much gulped them down.
Moral of the story, is that I like the fact that this book encourages me to take two bites and be done. That it's ok to try stuff and then stop. I'm not going to do it all the time...sometimes you just need an effing piece of cheesecake, but most of the time, it's a good practice. Today I'm going to try to "savor my first two bites" and see what this whole thing is about :)
I'm having a rough time wanting to get up this morning by the way. I'm extra tired for some reason, even though I pretty much went to bed on time. Eh.
"Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin....But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished--he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. Where then is boasting? It is excluded." Romans 3:20-27
I love how Paul systematically points out in the first couple of chapters that we are all under some kind of law--the Jews have their law, and the Gentiles (every one else) have the law of their conscience. And guess what? We've all broken the law. We've all failed one point of that law at one time or another. Knowing the law cannot make us right. It cannot give us grace, forgiveness, mercy, or righteousness. The ONLY way that we can have righteousness is faith in Christ and what he's done. To believe that Jesus was our sacrifice, and to know that no matter what we do, we can not earn salvation. "God is the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus." He does it. It's amazingly good news.
I don't have to strive to earn God's love and forgiveness. I just have to believe that he loves me, that Jesus willingly died for every single mistake that I've made, and to accept his forgiveness and mercy. How beautifully simple and foolish that it. It's...so incredibly simple. So guess what? There is no boasting. There should be no "I'm better than you because...." We could compete day by day trying to be the best person and do the best things, when, in the end, it's all worth nothing. Works, acts, are worth nothing without faith...without this simple knowledge and accepting it humbly and with a thankful heart.
It's good to be reminded of the simple message of Christ. So many times as a Christian I get caught up in the "oh I'm doing really well, look how Christ is working in me, I must be something special" kind of thinking when it really has nothing to do with me. Yes, God works through us. Yes, he will change and transform us, but it's because of his sacrifice that we are even able to do this. It has nothing to do with our ability to change or our worthiness. It has everything to do with how good God is. That's a good word for me. <3
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Proud!
So today, I did my usual routine--wake up at 4am, turn on Firefly, fall back asleep, and then slowly wake up from 6-6:30 (it's not always that early but today I have stuff to do!). I do however, usually wake up 2 hours before I'm supposed to. It's weird. Anyway, I read my book and Bible, and then got up and made myself an english muffin with 1tbsp of peanut butter (probably less, I'm getting better at discerning serving sizes), and filled up my water bottle. I commenced to then munch and drink while finishing up the oft seen firefly.
Well, I got on my DDR and started playing my warm up routine, and then, since I've upped my time, I switched to a new "get your heart racing" routine that I do in the middle. However, I forgot that I had the level set on difficult--I usually do most routines, especially the "get your heart racing" routines on medium because I can just barely do the steps and I'm out of breath. Well, when the routine started, I was completely blown away by the difficulty of the routine. As I "finished" ie stood there occasionally moving my feet gawking in wonder at the screen the first part of the routine, I took a step off the pad and was like, "ok, I'll sit this one out." But then I was like, "no. I'm going to do this." And I got back on and just did the steps that I could see, not the super fast ones. And I finished it standing.
Now, I didn't do a great job at it, and I'll definitely look before I press "ok" again, but I'm proud that I didn't just give up. This was probably one of my best workouts so far. I always feel that way after I work out haha. Anyway, I just wanted to log that. <3
Well, I got on my DDR and started playing my warm up routine, and then, since I've upped my time, I switched to a new "get your heart racing" routine that I do in the middle. However, I forgot that I had the level set on difficult--I usually do most routines, especially the "get your heart racing" routines on medium because I can just barely do the steps and I'm out of breath. Well, when the routine started, I was completely blown away by the difficulty of the routine. As I "finished" ie stood there occasionally moving my feet gawking in wonder at the screen the first part of the routine, I took a step off the pad and was like, "ok, I'll sit this one out." But then I was like, "no. I'm going to do this." And I got back on and just did the steps that I could see, not the super fast ones. And I finished it standing.
Now, I didn't do a great job at it, and I'll definitely look before I press "ok" again, but I'm proud that I didn't just give up. This was probably one of my best workouts so far. I always feel that way after I work out haha. Anyway, I just wanted to log that. <3
Morning affects Evening
Today the book talked about how our morning habits affect how we feel the rest of the day. It talks about how some people don't eat breakfast, because they end up feeling hungry for the rest of the day. This is apparently your stomach secreting extra fluids because it's not used to food that early. However, it stops after a week or so and levels out. It also talks about if you're fatigued and famished when you get home from work that you should eat a snack between 3 and 4...something with protein like apples and cheese, turkey and veggies, etc. All of this prevents from making poor food choices and continually snacking in the evening.
After previous readings, I decided that I'm going to try to wake up earlier to I can eat breakfast before DDR. Meghan talked about how eating before she worked out made her feel better during her workout. So I'm gonna try my smoothie before I start today. Ooo...or I might eat an english muffin with a bit o'peanut butter. Had that yesterday and it was delish. I've already been making myself healthy snacks for the afternoons, so I'm already preventing the whole "hungry, unhealthy snacking" at the end of the day. Go me!
Romans 2 talks about God's righteous judgment and how we are not to judge. I think it's addressing the Jew's propensity to look at the Gentiles and say "you steal, lie, commit adultery, etc." when they did the same thing. The only thing that separates them is the fact that the Jews have the law. I liked this verse:
"Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences are bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them)." vs. 14-16
It indicates that those who respond to their consciences, even though they might not have the written law, are ultimately responding to God.
"A man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a man's praise is not from men, but from God." vs. 28-29
It really is a heart thing. We could be doing all the right things, but if our hearts are not in the right place, we're not doing the "God thing." I think this chapter is ultimately trying to first break down the "I'm better than you" attitude that Jews had for Gentiles, and secondly, trying to point out that we ALL sin. And we all have a conscience (or law) that says "this is right, this is wrong" and we betray that conscience all the time. If you break one law, you break the whole law. How daunting and scary. I was reading this and was like "wow, that's kinda heavy and I am a lawbreaker and...ugh." But there's some good news after this chapter. It doesn't end here. Which is a good thing or I'd be feeling terrible for the rest of the day haha.
Ok, time to eat my breakfast and then get on with my morning.
After previous readings, I decided that I'm going to try to wake up earlier to I can eat breakfast before DDR. Meghan talked about how eating before she worked out made her feel better during her workout. So I'm gonna try my smoothie before I start today. Ooo...or I might eat an english muffin with a bit o'peanut butter. Had that yesterday and it was delish. I've already been making myself healthy snacks for the afternoons, so I'm already preventing the whole "hungry, unhealthy snacking" at the end of the day. Go me!
Romans 2 talks about God's righteous judgment and how we are not to judge. I think it's addressing the Jew's propensity to look at the Gentiles and say "you steal, lie, commit adultery, etc." when they did the same thing. The only thing that separates them is the fact that the Jews have the law. I liked this verse:
"Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences are bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them)." vs. 14-16
It indicates that those who respond to their consciences, even though they might not have the written law, are ultimately responding to God.
"A man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a man's praise is not from men, but from God." vs. 28-29
It really is a heart thing. We could be doing all the right things, but if our hearts are not in the right place, we're not doing the "God thing." I think this chapter is ultimately trying to first break down the "I'm better than you" attitude that Jews had for Gentiles, and secondly, trying to point out that we ALL sin. And we all have a conscience (or law) that says "this is right, this is wrong" and we betray that conscience all the time. If you break one law, you break the whole law. How daunting and scary. I was reading this and was like "wow, that's kinda heavy and I am a lawbreaker and...ugh." But there's some good news after this chapter. It doesn't end here. Which is a good thing or I'd be feeling terrible for the rest of the day haha.
Ok, time to eat my breakfast and then get on with my morning.
Monday, January 18, 2010
tried again
Ok, I thought that weight difference between the Wii and my scale was way too much. So I got back on the Wii to do the body test again, and it was like, your weight has changed! Then it told me I was 236.6 (there is no .6 but it was right under 237 so I guesstimated). That seemed waaaaaaay more reasonable. I still lost weight WOO. I didn't want to cheat myself out of a real weight loss...ie I didn't want to think I weighed 231 lbs and then get back on their scale and show a weight gain. So, word of advice to all you Wii fit users, do the Body Test twice and have a real scale as a reference. It'll keep you more realistic. Anyway, I still lost 2 lbs! YAAAAAAY. Ok, time to work out and get started with my day :D
Weigh In...
I was really nervous to weigh myself today. I haven't pooped yet :) and I just didn't really feeeeeeeel smaller. I felt like I probably weighed the same or maybe gained :/ Well I weighed myself and.....I lost 2 lbs! 237.4. Yay me! That is going along perfectly with my goals. I wanted to weigh myself on the Wii to see if there was any difference, and it said that I weighed 231 lbs! That my starting weight was 243, and now it's 231. That makes me question which one is more accurate. So, I'm going to keep tally on both now :) I did weigh myself on the Wii after I had lost some weight...so...here's to hoping it's more accurate. Anyway, according to my scale I've lost 1.03% of my weight. So since the last weigh in, I've lost 3.93%. Way to go me!
Forgetting to Eat
Today that book talked about forgetting to eat. Either you day gets crazy, or you want to save up calories for a bigger meal, or whatever. Basically, it's bad to not eat. It causes our bodies to go into starvation mode.
"Our bodies know how to manage fuel sources very efficiently. When you undereat during the day, your body believes it may not get enough food, so it conserves what does come in. Even if Susan eats the same total number of calories as usual, her body will store a portion of that large evening mean, causing her to gain weight....if you routinely follow a one-meal-a-day plan, your body will train itself to get by on a small amount of food. Eventually it adapts so well to the low-calorie level that it refuses to lose weight."
I need to fuel my body efficiently and regularly in order to keep losing weight. I think the above reason is why people stop losing weight after adjusting their eating. Their body eventually gets used to it...so you really need to couple it with exercise. I'm going to try to get up and eat an apple in the morning before I work out. I've been wondering about how to fit in breakfast, and Meghan said something about how she always works out better with fuel, so I'm going to try to do that before I work out. Two birds with one stone! And if I decide to go to jaliscos or something like that, I won't not eat, I'll just eat a salad or something low calorie.
"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it it the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: The righteous will live by faith." Romans 1:16-17
The gospel, the good news, those words sometimes become meaningless when you have gone to church as long as I have. But I love how this says that the gospel is not, "work hard, follow these steps, and you'll get into heaven." It's from God AND it's by faith. Faith, this quality of being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not so. True faith is shown in our actions. If we believe, if we have faith, then we'll show signs of our belief. The good news is not the we do things first, but that we believe that God loved us, he died for us, that his sacrifice is freely given to all, so that we can live FULL, AMAZING, lives. Better than expected. That is good news. The gospel. It's beautiful and simple and so easy to miss.
As the chapter goes on, it talks about the wrath of God. I'm of the mindset that God is good. He would not to do bad things to us just for shits and giggles. He's not masochistic, and he wants the best. It says in this chapter repeatedly that "God gave them over..." to their desires, wickedness, etc. He didn't hold them back. As a result, people have suffered the natural consequences that come from sin or disease (I use this reference because the Bible seems to equate forgiveness with healing). The more that I think about it, I think about God like a parent. Which, I've realized this before, but it helps me understand how God can be good, but that in order to be good, he has to be just, and he has to discipline us so that we can learn.
So just like if I tell our kids to walk and not run and they do it over and over again, eventually I'm going to have to put them in time out. They have choices, and there's a consequence for bad choices that are made. The great thing about God, is that mercy triumph over judgment. He doles out mercy to his heart's content. So God can still be good, and still be wrathful. He can still be good and discipline us. We have to be careful of what we say is God's discipline though...ie Pat Robertson...because who are we to know God's thoughts or what's happening. I don't believe God caused the earthquake to happen. I believe he knew that it was going to happen, and as far as my knowledge goes I believe that he did not stop it. Isn't there a verse that says even the earth groans under sin? Is this just a natural result of our choices? Hm...that's kind of a heavy thing to think about. I do know that God can take the terribleness of this disaster, and make wonderful things come from it. So, I pray that your plans of goodness will come through in this God.
"Our bodies know how to manage fuel sources very efficiently. When you undereat during the day, your body believes it may not get enough food, so it conserves what does come in. Even if Susan eats the same total number of calories as usual, her body will store a portion of that large evening mean, causing her to gain weight....if you routinely follow a one-meal-a-day plan, your body will train itself to get by on a small amount of food. Eventually it adapts so well to the low-calorie level that it refuses to lose weight."
I need to fuel my body efficiently and regularly in order to keep losing weight. I think the above reason is why people stop losing weight after adjusting their eating. Their body eventually gets used to it...so you really need to couple it with exercise. I'm going to try to get up and eat an apple in the morning before I work out. I've been wondering about how to fit in breakfast, and Meghan said something about how she always works out better with fuel, so I'm going to try to do that before I work out. Two birds with one stone! And if I decide to go to jaliscos or something like that, I won't not eat, I'll just eat a salad or something low calorie.
"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it it the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: The righteous will live by faith." Romans 1:16-17
The gospel, the good news, those words sometimes become meaningless when you have gone to church as long as I have. But I love how this says that the gospel is not, "work hard, follow these steps, and you'll get into heaven." It's from God AND it's by faith. Faith, this quality of being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not so. True faith is shown in our actions. If we believe, if we have faith, then we'll show signs of our belief. The good news is not the we do things first, but that we believe that God loved us, he died for us, that his sacrifice is freely given to all, so that we can live FULL, AMAZING, lives. Better than expected. That is good news. The gospel. It's beautiful and simple and so easy to miss.
As the chapter goes on, it talks about the wrath of God. I'm of the mindset that God is good. He would not to do bad things to us just for shits and giggles. He's not masochistic, and he wants the best. It says in this chapter repeatedly that "God gave them over..." to their desires, wickedness, etc. He didn't hold them back. As a result, people have suffered the natural consequences that come from sin or disease (I use this reference because the Bible seems to equate forgiveness with healing). The more that I think about it, I think about God like a parent. Which, I've realized this before, but it helps me understand how God can be good, but that in order to be good, he has to be just, and he has to discipline us so that we can learn.
So just like if I tell our kids to walk and not run and they do it over and over again, eventually I'm going to have to put them in time out. They have choices, and there's a consequence for bad choices that are made. The great thing about God, is that mercy triumph over judgment. He doles out mercy to his heart's content. So God can still be good, and still be wrathful. He can still be good and discipline us. We have to be careful of what we say is God's discipline though...ie Pat Robertson...because who are we to know God's thoughts or what's happening. I don't believe God caused the earthquake to happen. I believe he knew that it was going to happen, and as far as my knowledge goes I believe that he did not stop it. Isn't there a verse that says even the earth groans under sin? Is this just a natural result of our choices? Hm...that's kind of a heavy thing to think about. I do know that God can take the terribleness of this disaster, and make wonderful things come from it. So, I pray that your plans of goodness will come through in this God.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Fuel or Filler
Today the book talked about whether we are fueling our bodies or filling our bodies. "Fuel keeps your body running, but filler often gets sent directly to your fat stores." It kinda hits on what I was talking about in my previous blog about eating less nutrient dense foods and more snacky foods. I really need to examine how much filler vs. fuel I'm putting in my body, and focus more on the fuels. "Low fat meats, fruits, vegetables, and whole grains" are all typically fuels. "Sweets, chips, and snack foods" fit into the filler category. Generally easy to grab, prepacked processed foods fall into this category.
I like that it says you can still have fillers, but that you should limit them. I really love this new chocolate indulgence mousse. It's made by Jello and it has a yummier flavor and more interesting texture compared to the pudding I've been getting. However, I want to eat the whole pack in one sitting. I can still eat this, but I need to learn how to savor it, instead of wolfing it down and scraping the sides manically haha. Also, sadly my Juicy Juice has 32 grams of carbs. That's all sugar. So I need to decide if that's something that I am going to keep, or if I have to modify it so that I'm not having a whole serving. Maybe I should just use half of a serving with my smoothie.
Anyway, part of the exercise is deciding these things. I think I'm on a good track :)
So, before I get started with my verses/daily Bible reading, I wanted to say that I've been having some really good prayer time lately. In fact, I've been having some of the most intimate, and amazing prayer times than I've ever had before. It's nothing special (as far as what I do physically), but it's been incredibly encouraging to me. I was praying today about my weight loss, and having life to the fullest, when it suddenly dawned on me that God wants this for me too. And you may say "duh" but I never thought that God really cared. I assumed he cared about my heart, and my thoughts, and my actions, and my character, but I guess I never thought he cared about my weight. I assumed that he chalked me wanting to be thinner up to vanity and that it wasn't that important.
How detrimental has that thought process been to my journey. If someone you supposedly love and trust doesn't support or care about something that you are working hard at, it's super discouraging. And more times than not, with that kind of "support" you just kind of give up. I realized today that God is apart of my support system that is being built up. That he wants the same things that I want as far as me being healthier. That he does care, and the he will help me and support me with this just as much as he will help me and support me with being more loving, kind, and wise. It's an amazing and wonderful feeling. God is good.
"Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and firm, because the Lord's coming is near." James 5:7-8
"Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is any one happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:12-16
I begrudgingly added the first verse section because what I got from it, I believe doesn't really have much to do with the context of the verse and what it is intended to say. The systematic theologian in me cries "wrong!" However, it did encourage me to "be patient and firm" in this time that I'm trying to lose weight and allow God to change many aspects of my life. I really liked how it talked about the seasons and how the farmer has to wait for the land to yield crops, for sunshine, and for rain. The farmer plows and sows into the field, and then has has to wait awhile to see actual results. The first few months or so are bleak, but then he sees a little sprout, then leaves, then an actual plant, until finally the full harvest is there, ready, and beautiful before his eyes. That, is what I need to envision as I loose weight. Not that I'm going to see the crop ready to harvest next week, but that I will see little things start to change and develop as the weeks go by, and to be patient and firm in my goals and my decisions. Yay :)
I really liked the second verse, first because prayer and confession have been kind of forefront in my mind lately, and second because we talked about this verse in small group and it's a nice little reminder. Pray. Pray when you're in trouble, pray (praise) when you're happy, pray when you're sick, pray with each other. Pray when you've sinned. Ask, so God can answer and you can receive. I love how healing and forgiveness are intertwined with this verse. God is SO faithful to help and to give to us, but we need to be humble and trust him. We need to communicate with him! We need to tell him how we're feeling and what we need. God IS a mind reader, but he's not controlling or intrusive. He doesn't use what he knows against us. He wants us to come to him freely, not because we are forced to or as a last result. Sigh. God is good.
I like that it says you can still have fillers, but that you should limit them. I really love this new chocolate indulgence mousse. It's made by Jello and it has a yummier flavor and more interesting texture compared to the pudding I've been getting. However, I want to eat the whole pack in one sitting. I can still eat this, but I need to learn how to savor it, instead of wolfing it down and scraping the sides manically haha. Also, sadly my Juicy Juice has 32 grams of carbs. That's all sugar. So I need to decide if that's something that I am going to keep, or if I have to modify it so that I'm not having a whole serving. Maybe I should just use half of a serving with my smoothie.
Anyway, part of the exercise is deciding these things. I think I'm on a good track :)
So, before I get started with my verses/daily Bible reading, I wanted to say that I've been having some really good prayer time lately. In fact, I've been having some of the most intimate, and amazing prayer times than I've ever had before. It's nothing special (as far as what I do physically), but it's been incredibly encouraging to me. I was praying today about my weight loss, and having life to the fullest, when it suddenly dawned on me that God wants this for me too. And you may say "duh" but I never thought that God really cared. I assumed he cared about my heart, and my thoughts, and my actions, and my character, but I guess I never thought he cared about my weight. I assumed that he chalked me wanting to be thinner up to vanity and that it wasn't that important.
How detrimental has that thought process been to my journey. If someone you supposedly love and trust doesn't support or care about something that you are working hard at, it's super discouraging. And more times than not, with that kind of "support" you just kind of give up. I realized today that God is apart of my support system that is being built up. That he wants the same things that I want as far as me being healthier. That he does care, and the he will help me and support me with this just as much as he will help me and support me with being more loving, kind, and wise. It's an amazing and wonderful feeling. God is good.
"Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and firm, because the Lord's coming is near." James 5:7-8
"Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is any one happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:12-16
I begrudgingly added the first verse section because what I got from it, I believe doesn't really have much to do with the context of the verse and what it is intended to say. The systematic theologian in me cries "wrong!" However, it did encourage me to "be patient and firm" in this time that I'm trying to lose weight and allow God to change many aspects of my life. I really liked how it talked about the seasons and how the farmer has to wait for the land to yield crops, for sunshine, and for rain. The farmer plows and sows into the field, and then has has to wait awhile to see actual results. The first few months or so are bleak, but then he sees a little sprout, then leaves, then an actual plant, until finally the full harvest is there, ready, and beautiful before his eyes. That, is what I need to envision as I loose weight. Not that I'm going to see the crop ready to harvest next week, but that I will see little things start to change and develop as the weeks go by, and to be patient and firm in my goals and my decisions. Yay :)
I really liked the second verse, first because prayer and confession have been kind of forefront in my mind lately, and second because we talked about this verse in small group and it's a nice little reminder. Pray. Pray when you're in trouble, pray (praise) when you're happy, pray when you're sick, pray with each other. Pray when you've sinned. Ask, so God can answer and you can receive. I love how healing and forgiveness are intertwined with this verse. God is SO faithful to help and to give to us, but we need to be humble and trust him. We need to communicate with him! We need to tell him how we're feeling and what we need. God IS a mind reader, but he's not controlling or intrusive. He doesn't use what he knows against us. He wants us to come to him freely, not because we are forced to or as a last result. Sigh. God is good.
Biggest Loser
I just wanted a day to "sleep in and lay in bed" so I chose today. I've been feeling a bit down lately as mentioned in the previous post, so I decided to watch some Project Runway, and then I ended up watching the Biggest Loser. Holy moly, what an emotional 1.5 hours that was! I pretty much cried during the beginning, and a bit in the middle and the end. I didn't know what was wrong with me. But after thinking about it a bit, I realized I did.
I've been feeling a lot of kinship with the people around me who have been constantly supporting me in losing weight and making better choices, especially with people at work and my mom. I can't tell you how freeing and terrifying it is to announce your weight to people. I felt ashamed and discouraged because I am a 24 year old accomplished woman, who weighed almost 250 pounds. Wtf? Everyone was shocked, because I didn't look like I weighed that much, but the shock was still there. The "wow, I can't believe that" kind of aspect. So when those people got on the scale in front of family members, friends, and their towns and exposed themselves in that way, I knew the terror and embarrassment, but also the freedom that comes with having your "dirty little secret" out of the closet.
To see parent with their kids, wives with their husbands, and brothers cry together over the state that they had let themselves get into was overwhelmingly sad. That father and daughter? Made me think of me and my dad and how much we love each other, and how he's been worried about my weight since I've been younger.
I don't really know how much weight I'm going to lose. I don't really know what my future holds. I do know, that I want this. I really want this. And I don't want to be in competition. I don't have this feeling of "I'm going to keep what I'm doing a secret so nobody else can do it with me" or "I'm doing this alone." It's not a competition. It's not a race. It's not a time to compare myself with other people and their progress or non progress. This, is the year of me. This is the year that I turn 25, and that I change who I've shown myself to be, and how I've treated myself all these years. When I turn a quarter of a century old, I'm going to be 50 pounds lighter AT LEAST. I'm going to do it, because I'm worth it.
I want to have life, and life to the fullest. I've always been steps ahead of my peers in a lot of areas of my life. But I don't want to measure myself up against them anymore. I don't want to say, "oh I'm farther along than that person in this, this and this area." I want to live my life to MY limit. I want to reach the heights that I can reach. I will do this. I am determined, I am blessed to have my own apartment, a great job, and a wonderful support group. I can do this, and I'm stoked to see how it goes.
I've been feeling a lot of kinship with the people around me who have been constantly supporting me in losing weight and making better choices, especially with people at work and my mom. I can't tell you how freeing and terrifying it is to announce your weight to people. I felt ashamed and discouraged because I am a 24 year old accomplished woman, who weighed almost 250 pounds. Wtf? Everyone was shocked, because I didn't look like I weighed that much, but the shock was still there. The "wow, I can't believe that" kind of aspect. So when those people got on the scale in front of family members, friends, and their towns and exposed themselves in that way, I knew the terror and embarrassment, but also the freedom that comes with having your "dirty little secret" out of the closet.
To see parent with their kids, wives with their husbands, and brothers cry together over the state that they had let themselves get into was overwhelmingly sad. That father and daughter? Made me think of me and my dad and how much we love each other, and how he's been worried about my weight since I've been younger.
I don't really know how much weight I'm going to lose. I don't really know what my future holds. I do know, that I want this. I really want this. And I don't want to be in competition. I don't have this feeling of "I'm going to keep what I'm doing a secret so nobody else can do it with me" or "I'm doing this alone." It's not a competition. It's not a race. It's not a time to compare myself with other people and their progress or non progress. This, is the year of me. This is the year that I turn 25, and that I change who I've shown myself to be, and how I've treated myself all these years. When I turn a quarter of a century old, I'm going to be 50 pounds lighter AT LEAST. I'm going to do it, because I'm worth it.
I want to have life, and life to the fullest. I've always been steps ahead of my peers in a lot of areas of my life. But I don't want to measure myself up against them anymore. I don't want to say, "oh I'm farther along than that person in this, this and this area." I want to live my life to MY limit. I want to reach the heights that I can reach. I will do this. I am determined, I am blessed to have my own apartment, a great job, and a wonderful support group. I can do this, and I'm stoked to see how it goes.
fiber on the brain
So I had a great night at Jason's yesterday. We played games, laughed, joked...it's interesting being the only girl in a group of guys. I had a blast and I'm really glad I went. Also, I'm proud of myself because I brought my own food and snacks, and ate healthily while I was there. I don't know if I went over/under my goals (haven't tracked them yet), but I do know I made a great choice by being prepared. So I'm proud of myself.
Well, for the past couple of days I'm been feeling "meh" because my weight has been hovering around or a little bit over 239 (which is what I got to when I lost 7lbs). It was really discouraging for me to see it not move down, especially since I've been making the same type of effort that I did the week before. When I examine what I've eaten though, I am discovering that I have been eating my "max" amount of fats, and the carbs that have been eating have been the less complex carbs (ie sugary stuff). So, I will stay weigh in tomorrow (dun dun dun), but next week I'm going to focus on eating a lot of fruits and veggies, and eating more whole fiber and complex carbs. I also want to focus on not eating a lot of processed foods and sugar. Oh, and make sure I eat a salad for a meal every day. That's one thing that I didn't do this week and it makes a definite difference.
I do want to say that I've been constipated (sorry guys), and feeling kinda full and heavy, and FINALLY today I pooed, and guess what? My weight went back down. So that's another indicator that I need to be better with my fiber consumption :D
Well, for the past couple of days I'm been feeling "meh" because my weight has been hovering around or a little bit over 239 (which is what I got to when I lost 7lbs). It was really discouraging for me to see it not move down, especially since I've been making the same type of effort that I did the week before. When I examine what I've eaten though, I am discovering that I have been eating my "max" amount of fats, and the carbs that have been eating have been the less complex carbs (ie sugary stuff). So, I will stay weigh in tomorrow (dun dun dun), but next week I'm going to focus on eating a lot of fruits and veggies, and eating more whole fiber and complex carbs. I also want to focus on not eating a lot of processed foods and sugar. Oh, and make sure I eat a salad for a meal every day. That's one thing that I didn't do this week and it makes a definite difference.
I do want to say that I've been constipated (sorry guys), and feeling kinda full and heavy, and FINALLY today I pooed, and guess what? My weight went back down. So that's another indicator that I need to be better with my fiber consumption :D
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